When a man’s “Dear Fatty” post went public, it received an overwhelmingly positive response; Theresa Byrne reflects on how this stranger’s post touched some of her deepest fears.
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I recently read a post on The Socialcrat (you can find it here). I loved it.
I may be in decent shape now because of my work as a martial artist, but I’ve always struggled with my own sense of body and self.
Shame. Embarrassment. Worry. Not good enoughness.
My dad was overweight and dieted all the time. He was judged for it, even though he’d run miles every night. Plus I thought to be cool, I needed to look like a Barbie doll; and with my eventual Amazon height and muscles, that was never gonna happen!
The first time I can remember that something felt “wrong” with me combined with that red heated flash of shame, I must’ve been in 4th or 5th grade. I had a neighbor that I was excited to befriend. She was a cool girl, I was a dork. She had lots of style and I had none. Most of her clothes came from hip places at the mall. We shopped at Target. Her parents were cool, and mine weren’t.
…I was overly-eager, like a puppy. I thought that this was it, I was going to have an actual female friend
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When she invited me over to her house to play cards, I was overly-eager, like a puppy. I thought that this was it, I was going to have an actual female friend! Yes! Up until that point (and for many years after) my best friends were male. They were just easier to get along with and understand, plus there wasn’t any of that fake-ness or two-facedness.
The problem with having best male friends is you get judged by other girls. Or their parents.
I ran over to her house, only to find that it seemed no one was home. The door was ajar, but as I walked around the house I couldn’t see anyone. I looked and looked, she had just called me a few minutes ago. I was confused, and thought how weird it all seemed. So I headed for the door.
At that moment, my neighbor and several other girls came falling out of closets and places. They’d been hiding. They’d been laughing their butts off at how funny their joke was: to call me and watch me run over. To see me looking excitedly for them. How funny it was that I was looking everywhere and was confused. They laughed and laughed.
I felt ashamed.
Shunned.
An outcast again.
My face burned that hot-scarlet color and I was mortified. I didn’t know what I had done wrong, and in that moment I decided that not only was there something wrong with me, but I probably didn’t look cool enough or pretty enough to be friends. I was obviously not OK.
So thank you, sir, for your post. Thank you, sir, for your kindness, because for those of us that have ever been hard on ourselves, you made the world feel just a little bit safer. You made my day!
And here’s to all of you that never understood why or how others didn’t understand or like you. Here’s to all of you that have put up with others putting you down. Making fun of you.
Here’s to all of you that are doing what you’re doing because you want to do it. Because you care about you and not what anyone else says.
Run if you feel it. Hold your head up high. Be who you are.
How many people think the Special Olympics make fun of disabled people? We know they’re not world class athletes, but they’re trying their best. We know that their efforts won’t lead to them being cured, but we celebrate that they defy their limitations. Is the difference that this person calls the other “fatty”, while we call the participants in the Special Olympics “special”?
I love this post – AND the original ‘dear fatty’ post too.
I only have one issue – running/exercise is never going to help the original subject lose weight.
Exercise has been proven (time and time again) to be utterly useless for weight loss. (And in many cases, counter productive). Food and food alone is the quickest solution. Change your food and you’ll change your life – fast.
Ex-fatty xx
I don’t understand why the person wrote the original piece in the first place (well, yes I do … to look nice when they weren’t really). If they were so inspired by the person, then walk up to them and say so. Get to know them in person. Don’t call them a “Fatty” on the internet and act like you are being nice to them. Be a friend to them instead of using your insensitive post to go “viral.”
I remember the story of Buster Douglas. Who was he? A “nobody” and that’s what made the story special. He was a “club fighter”, a guy signed to be a “tune up” fight for Mike Tyson. Who was Mike Tyson? He was the heavy weight champion so feared that world class fighters were suspected of “taking a dive” rather than risk injury fighting him for millions. Buster Douglas dedicated the fight to the memory of his mom and it represented more than a shot at the title. Douglas took two standing eights and got up when much better fighters would… Read more »
You? You felt ashamed?!?!
With all of your confidence, your inspiration and sage advice, it is hard to imagine you feeling left out, not enough.
Even in your admission, you let us know there is hope for us. To achieve. To excell. To be … awesome.
Because you are awesome.
Thank you for letting us know that no matter from where we have come, what has happened to us, who has tried to pull us down, we can be amazing. We ARE amazing.
I’m sorry but I’m not totally ok with your reply. If you’re doing what you’re doing for yourself, you should need a stranger’s encouragement as little as his criticism. I’m not ok with the original letter either. I think it’s creepy that someone is staring at someone else while doing sports, either if it’s because they’re hot or because they’re ‘fatties’. FATTIES. He objectifies fat and patronizes fat people as if they’re all fat for the same reason, when we all know how untrue that is. No, sir, fat people don’t need cheering while they’re running just because they’re fat…… Read more »
I’m with Cardo.
I think it’s great if you felt good about the letter, that’s on you to decide – not me, but I don’t think calling strangers “fatties” or giving them this uninvited “encouragement” is all that much different than shaming.
I think encouragement would be, “You’re great how you are. If you want to exercise, that’s awesome. You deserve love and acceptance regardless.”
I agree with Cardo 200% To quote a fantastic person (Ragan Chastain, author of the ‘Dances with Fat’ blog) – “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are not size dependent” – you can add R.E.S.P.E.C.T to that list too. Fat people don’t need pity, or to be ‘fixed’, or shamed, or to be singled out (as in the case of the original post), or to be patronised when they make what some people believe to be ‘good choices’ and to be chastised when they make what some people believe to be ‘bad choices’. Frankly, a person’s body (how it… Read more »
Ragan had responded to this blog herself: http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2014/03/10/to-the-creeper-who-was-staring-at-me-running/ “Fat people should not have to “earn” the right to live in the world without condescension, we should not have to run to “earn” basic human respect….This serves to reinforce the idea that it’s totally fine to stereotype people based on how they look, and it further oppresses those who aren’t somehow “rising above” those stereotypes – which they have absolutely no obligation to do.” A worthy point – Q: Is it possible you respect a fattie when you see them eating a burger? A: Yes, unless this particular individual has done… Read more »
I agree with Cardo completely. Shameful how we treat each other. I have been on both sides of that fence and they way people have spoke to me, fat vs. thin, or even acknowledged me is mind blowing. I don’t need to be fixed or shamed. You don’t know me.