Have an Atheist around and don’t know what to get them for the Holidays? Fear not, Doug Zeigler has 10 suggestions to help you out.
Yes, I’m an atheist that celebrates Christmas. I like all the lights, the silly decorations and most importantly, the awful sweaters. I mean, who doesn’t love a moose hanging a green ball ornament on a tree on a red itchy sweater?
Tawdry holiday garments aside, a lot of us non-believers have Christmas wish lists too. Lucky you, I’ve decided to share mine with all of you, mocking be damned. Maybe Krampus will be kind.
1) Video games. Because nothing spreads holiday cheer like hacking up zombies or killing alien invaders!
2) A really, really, REALLY comfy pair of clogs.
3) A button I can press at any time to change the direction a movie or TV show is heading, just to watch the chaos. And a great single malt scotch to sip as hilarity ensues.
4) One of my kids handing me a hundred dollar bill and saying “Here, dad, I didn’t really need that new electronic gizmo.”
5) A super plush recliner, since that last wish made me sound like my dad. I should act the part. I will not, however, start wearing slippers. I would wear my comfy clogs from wish two instead.
6) Bacon. ALL OF IT. I’ll be happy to share once I have it, too. Maybe.
7) World peace. Goodwill towards men (and women too).
8) Unlimited mashed potatoes and key lime pie. Not together, though. That would be gross.
10) A magic carpet that I can use to travel anywhere in the world in under two hours.
And there it is! One atheist’s Christmas wish list.*
*This list does not apply to all atheists. See your imagination to find out if Christmas lists are right for you. Side effects may include wishful thinking, disappointment when the list is unfulfilled, and gout.
Photo: Ugly Christmas sweater sled rider by Flickr/TheUglySweaterShop.com