Jeff Hay thinks parents should lead by example—and that you can learn a lot about a person from the way they handle a bar stool.
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I had time to kill waiting for a friend at a pub.
I knew no one in the pub, yet sitting on that bar stool, on a cloudy Tuesday afternoon, I received one of the best pieces of parenting advice ever from an Irish gent sitting two bar stools away.
Long story short, after awkward introductions we struck up a lively, animated conversation about our families. When I mentioned to him that I was a writer, interested in parenting from a dad’s point of view, my new friend Danny (imagine that) said that all he ever wanted to do was to “raise a son that I’d like to have a drink with!”
At first, the skeptic pessimist in me assumed Danny would likely have a drink with anyone, but then I realized what he really meant. He was so right.
His theory was so simple, yet it encompassed so many of my core values.
If I was to picture myself in a pub sometime in the future, and in walks a familiar stranger that sits on the stool beside me …
(if the pub/alcohol angle of this piece bothers you, pretend you are both sipping on blueberry pomegranate smoothies with flax, tofu, and the protein blaster added)
- I would want to hang out with someone that was cool, socially aware, confident, and interesting.
- I would value their intelligent conversation and their genuine interest in me and the world around us.
- I would relish their positive energy, quick wit, and active listening.
I would not want to have a drink with someone that kept interrupting me, complained too much, and was not polite to me or the staff.
I would quickly distance myself from someone that was belligerent and only talked about themselves.
I would not want to spend any time at all with someone that was narrow minded, opinionated, racist, or homophobic.
This list could go on and on, but I think you know what I mean.
In life, you want to surround yourself with positive, happy, genuine people, not idiots and energy suckers.
Just like not wanting to spend five hours on a golf course with a jerk, everyone’s time is precious, and like Grandpa Orval always says, “Nobody likes an A-Hole”.
So moving forward as a dad, I apply Danny’s wisdom to my life and parenting philosophy. I realize that if I want to raise my children to be great, all-around balanced people, I need to be all those positive things NOW! They need to see it live and in person!
Like Gandhi uttered, be the change you seek.
I will continue to be genuinely interested in their lives and the world.
I will demonstrate real listening, social intelligence, and compassion.
While I am not responsible for their happiness, I will lead by example and choose kindness.
I will raise a son that a friend would love to have a drink with. And so should YOU!
I’ll drink to that! Sláinte (to your health), Danny Boy!
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Image: Flickr/Bracketing Life
The title of this article caught my attention. It’s a heart-warming thought (I have 2 young sons), also a little scary thought but ultimately, makes me think about what type of young men I want them to be! Thanks for this. It’s going to be a topic of conversation at my holiday party tonight!
Hey Marika!
Thrilled to be part of the holiday party discussion tonight! I love starting conversations…
It really is all about the big picture LATER… but we are planting the seeds now – but its tough to not want to lift up the roots to see how we are doing — trust in the path!
Please post the results of the holiday party discussion!
Cheers,
Jeff
http://www.thedadvibe.com
Extremely well said, Jeff. I can only hope that my sons meet all of the criteria you mention above. I just hope their not in the bar too much.
Hey Phillip,
Yes, too true — cool enough to hang out in the pub, but hopefully not spending weeks on end there…
Even if out children can meet half the criteria, that would be in the success column!!!
Thanks for reading — more like this on the http://www.thedadvibe.com
I thought about this sort of thing as well. I think you put it well. This is the kind of child we could all be proud of – in many ways.
Hey Larry,
Thanks for your thoughts — I had thought about this years ago, but meeting Danny was the tipping point!
The pub idea was born — I just don’t want my children in pubs very much. 🙂
I would also not want to golf (spend 5 hours) with a jerk either…
Cheers!
I automatically love any story that revolves around getting life advice from wise old Irish men at pubs.
Hey Pat — too true — there is a lot of wisdom in those hallowed places!