By Frank Kobola
Being a 28-year-old man, I don’t know that much about Justin Bieber. I know he’s controversial. I don’t really seek out any info on him and I feel like the worst things you could say is he’s a young kid with a ton of money goofing off under the public eye.
I know Justin Bieber has made a ton of money. I can name the song “Baby.” I know he egged a house and told a picture of Bill Clinton to go fuck itself. I can’t say I particularly like Bieber. But I was a dumb teenager once too. I probably told tons of pictures of Bill Clinton to go fuck themselves. What I’m saying is, maybe I should see what it feels like to be Justin Bieber. I don’t have access to the fame, the money, the cars, or the supermodels. But I do have access to fashion editor Charles Manning, and he has access to clothes. So really, I can just dress like a vague approximation of Justin Bieber and see what happens. Maybe I’ll come out the other side with a deeper understanding of who he is and why he is. Maybe I’ll become a Belieber (LOL).
GOLDEN AGE JUSTIN
Still, props where props are due. That hair, man. That’s some Johnny Quest bowl cut goodness.
BELIEVE MOVIE PREMIERE
I really, really, don’t want to admit this, but there was an energy to this outfit. I didn’t want to like this suit, but I felt good in it. I felt like I could talk my way into VIP sections with this on. I get it. I’m not saying I pulled it off; I’m just saying I’m vibin’ on it.
But Justin, man, don’t roll the sleeves up on your suit jacket. You’re not one of the characters in Weekend at Bernie’s.
Were you drunk when you got dressed too? I dunno, man. These are all nine sizes too big, like you should’ve partnered up with late-’90s JNCO instead of Calvin Klein. I will say this is a really handy outfit if you want to pass out and fall asleep in the folds of your clothes.
I just want to point out that it looks like face just gave up in this picture.
Justin is a good-looking guy but no one can pull off bucket hats except for old fishermen and even they can’t pull off bucket hats. Also, too many handkerchiefs for my taste. Stick to one and maybe a sweatband. Actually, you know what? It’s Coachella. Just do whatever.
CALVIN KLEIN AD
I had to do this one … The less we say the better. I just want to congratulate myself for being so brave. I’m full of courage for doing this. I’m a really great person. Just ask my personal trainer.
JUST(IN) WALKIN’ AROUND
I can’t sing at all, but I can definitely act like I’m singing. I kind of love the “BELIEVE” tattoo though. Which, I should probably point out, is the only accurate tattoo I have on my sleeve of arbitrary temporary tattoos.
The white hat/tank top combo isn’t so bad, but I’m not sure where this golden glove came from. Literally. Where do you buy golden, fingerless gloves? I don’t know what kind of store sells those, but I do know I hate anyone who shops there.
“Oh, hey what’s up? I’m just hanging out and … BLUE STEEL!” I tried to copy this look by acting like I just ate a really sexy lemon and the lemon was rotten and now I gotta find a bathroom. It’s that single moment when all of that is convalescing in my head at once. That’s this face. I think I nailed it.
The jacket is nice, but I’m not a big fan of leather pants. This might surprise you, but I own zero pairs. Probably because I can’t afford them.
I can’t say I understand Justin Bieber any better. I might even understand him less at this point. Although, I guess it doesn’t matter when you’re as mega-famous as Justin Bieber. You’re not going to care what I think at all. Still, might want to roll those sleeves back down though.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.For more from Cosmopolitan, try: