Slogans like the above can be useful. But calling deep seeded reasons for human behavioral patterns “excuses” is a problem
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In order to grow as a species, we need to understand the reasons behind our own behaviors, and each other’s behaviors. We need to act on lasting solutions. Or we will perish in a fire of pointing fingers and resentment.
Too much? Over the top?
Ok, look. Hyperbole aside, I just want us to live better together. I think humans can grow by leaps and bounds as a species. Can take a few minutes of your time in an effort to help us do that?
The sources of our behavior are complex, even if you don’t like that they are complex.
Whether we are considering young people of any color who commit crimes or riot, police who brutalize for petty crimes or for just standing there, people who overeat, or politicians who use all of these things as fodder for political advancement, there are reasons people do what they do.
All of these people behave the way they do because of many factors. Some of those factors intersect and interact with one another. Understanding the factors helps us solve it. I don’t know if you have noticed, but yelling “be better” at people is mostly an abject failure. Sure, some respond to that. But the deeper the issue, the less likely the yelling will work. We actually have to solve the issues.
It seems like every time I have had a conversation about the reasons and motivations behind human action, someone chimes in with some comment like “see, people like you want to excuse bad behavior”.
Truly, this comes from a fundamental misunderstanding of what folks “like me” are trying to do, and of how human minds work. Quite frankly – it is ironically lazy. It is most often an effort to dismiss a problem instead of pitching in time, effort, thought, or money to help solve it. Other times, it is a venting of frustration when someone feels they are at a loss for solutions.
Let me very succinctly explain why some seek to find and discuss the reasons why folks do the things we do. It is because we are trying to help change things. It is because we are good at recognizing patterns, and some of us see paths to solutions that are being blocked by denial.
Environments affect not only access to resources, but thought processes. By the way, environments include not just the land, and buildings,and weather – but the people around us. Further – and I will discuss this more in another article – the whole nature vs. nurture debate is so complex it is largely useless. Truth is, we really don’t know for a given person exactly how much nature or nurture leads to their behavior. But what we do know is that environment can affect us tremendously not only in real time but in the genome itself. So, what do we do with that? We address what we can, which is how we live and interact with one another.
Here is why yelling “no excuses” often does not work.
Let’s assume we observe that a person is not motivated to work hard. Well, to solve that wouldn’t we want to know why in order to help them as best we can? For example, if that person isn’t motivated to try something because they think very little of themselves, do you think it effective to go up to them and say “See, you don’t work hard because you are nothing.”
Now, imagine instead of an individual, you are talking to millions. What response would you predict? Sudden compliance?
“All of you are horrible, and no one cares. Do better”
“Ok, thanks for telling me. I will now.”
So, why do we browbeat others instead of finding solutions?
At work here is the fascinating relationships between implicit bias and dispositional vs. situational attributions.
What? Psychobabble blah blah blah.
Regular words: We are more likely he folks that are “like” us a “pass” and attempt to explain the reasons for their behavior. We are more likely to look at people that are not “like” us and judge their behavior as some personal defect. Get it? We can see this tendency everywhere, whether it is according to race, profession, income level, style of dress, or arguments between sports fans. When we see someone else as an other, we are more likely to assume the most sinister of motives and characteristics.
Humans are naturally social creatures. That doesn’t mean we “like to hang out with other people”. It means that, like it or not, we are all inextricably connected. It is fact that what each of us does affects others. We can actually be overwhelmed by this interconnectedness. I think it is partially because of this that we also try to become more efficient at navigating our social interactions by categorizing. But the thing is, that categorization doesn’t work very well long term.
“So that’s just how people are. It will never change”
Really? Look who’s making excuses for their behavior. (see what I did there?)
The good news is, there is strong evidence to show that we can move beyond that. Yes, we are likely to make snap judgments about people not like us. Our human brain is prone to that. However, awareness of others’ experiences and shared experiences demonstrably changes that equation.
Having a significant online presence, I have watched across several issues as people have volleyed back and forth with these dispositional judgments (“that group is just defective”). I take the opposite view. Everyone’s behavior, factually, has a set of motivations. I say “set” because it is quite rare for there to be a single motivation for complex human behavior.
That cop who brutalizes and profiles someone based on race: What have they been through? How were they treated as children? What do they fear and why? Where is the root? What did their family/community tell them growing up about who “those people” are? What does the media tell them? How do they cope with the stresses of their job?
We need to figure it out, and act.
When people riot: Why? What led to this behavior? One can see obvious roots across the world. Depending on the riot, the place and time: there is a complex amalgam of reasons, including what happens when humans gather in an agitated state. There are also repeatable and predictable responses to oppression throughout history and throughout the world: The Ukraine, The United States, Egypt, etc. What about the powerful effect of how people feel about themselves, and how they are treated from the beginning of life?
We need to figure it out, and act.
That obese person you see. Oops…individual who is obese (see what I did there?).. What happened? Why are they “like that”? Did they experience some trauma? Is there something different about the way their brains and bodies respond to their environment (hint: there factually is)? Are these patterns and characteristics reversible or manageable?
We need to figure it out, and act.
We need to live amongst, experience, learn from, and learn about one another. Even when it is hard.
We can continue to say “you bad, me good”. We can continue to assume that immediately, harshly and permanently judging others based on their appearance or group is the way to move forward. Or we can realize that our brains truly are plastic, and can change. We can acknowledge the evidence for that. We can help each other get better. Or, are we just lazy good for nothings?
Come on folks, no excuses. Don’t fear your success.
Originally posted on MoveTheory and Our FUNction Community
Reasons become excuses when someone makes you explain them. If you have to tell someone why you did or didn’t do something it comes out an excuse. Maybe your reason is valid, but saying it out loud makes it an excuse. Especially because someone dug it out of you to explain it, it automatically makes you defensive. If they don’t ask, then you can take it upon yourself to fix whatever it is that you did or didn’t do, without making excuses. You know you had reason, but being around people questioning you, means you need to resolve the trust… Read more »