Lee is a man in his mid-forties the all-to-familiar mid-life crisis, caught in an intense internal struggle over whether to leave his ill wife and two kids, or leave.
As he sat on the front porch, the smell of pine tree’s filling the spring air, Lee reminisced. He reminisced over simpler times before the responsibility of family took over his life. The moon and stars shined brilliantly over the suburban landscape, a soothing sight to him. He had spent many a night just like this in his younger days playing childhood games of innocence like there was no tomorrow. A familiar voice snapped him back to reality.
“Lee, where are you?” Lauren his wife yelled.
“I’m on the porch,” he said. “trying to get some quiet time.” he mumbled. But he knew he had to get up early, so back in he went. He was met with the glow of the T.V. as he entered the bedroom.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you, but it’s getting late hun. You’ve got to get up early you know.”
“Yeah I know, but it’s a really pretty night outside, I needed to get out and enjoy it.” Lee said.
“Something on your mind Lee?” she inquired.
Whenever Lee did something out of the ordinary, Lauren thought something was up.
“No, nothing.” he said keeping his thoughts to himself. As he pulled back the sheets, his mind raced. He felt a hole in his life. Like there was something missing. What was he really doing with his life? The rut of work and home had grown stale. Was it a mid life crises? He chuckled to himself. The very thought of this happening to him sounded crazy. Or was it?
The night quickly turned to morning and he got ready for his job working for the Drake plant building machine assemblies. He stared at himself in the mirror as he put his uniform on, trying to figure out who he was.
“Lauren, do you think I’m old?”
“What? Why in the world are you thinking like that?” she said frowning.
Her tone was so negative, he didn’t bother to say anything else.
He got in his truck and drove out of the greenery of suburbia to the bleak manufacturing district downtown that always seemed to be blanketed by a thick haze. When he got in to work he had no time to contemplate his dilemma.
“Hey Lee, got a second?”
“Yeah sure Randy,”
Randy, who was the floor supervisor, was a piece of work. Moody temperamental and contradictory, he could be your best friend one day, or your worst enemy the next.
“I just want to say hey, you’re doing a good job out there. But you do seem a little distracted sometimes. Everything okay?”
“I’ve just got a lot on my mind,”
“Alright, let me know if you need anything.”
Lee wondered what was up. Randy coming out of the blue to talk to him was highly unusual. Lee was at times easily distracted and occasionally irritable, and his worst fears came to light as Randy had finally noticed. As everyone assembled for the morning meeting the mood was relaxed. But it quickly turned tense as Randy walked in. You know, the same as when a lion walks into the jungle and everything gets quiet. His eyes narrowed as he stared into the faces in the break room.
“So why is production down? Anybody care to answer me?” Randy’s old buddy Carlos spoke up.
“Well it’s hot, and we’ve had a couple of people take vacation lately.”
“So that’s it?” Randy quipped. “Surely you can come up with something else. You know there are plenty of people who can come in here and do this job, and for less money. Everybody in here is replaceable!”
As he walked to the chalk board to write the requirements for the day, he glared at everyone. There was no way anyone there was going to quit. With little or no education beyond high school, and being unable to find a job in the same field, they were for the moment trapped. Afraid to speak up for fear of retribution, everyone sat there mute. “Now I want twenty more assemblies today, no excuses! If not, everybody gets a write up!” Randy stormed out. Save for a little mumbling, there was no reaction from the employee’s. Everyone quickly filed to their work station, then the uproar came.
“I don’t care what he says he doesn’t scare me!” said Todd, a thinly built man around forty years old. The kind of person who wouldn’t say much to your face, he’d just wait until your back was turned. “That guy doesn’t know what I’m capable of!” Coleman chuckled.
Coleman was Todd’s buddy. He was the nosy type with a southern twang even though he wasn’t from the south. And toothpicks were his accessory of choice.
“What are you laughing at huh? You think I’m playing? “I’ll thrash him, and you too!” The serious look on Todd’s face gave way to a smile that revealed several rotten teeth. Everyone laughed hysterically. All it took though was one angry look from Randy through the office window to wipe the smile off of everyone’s face.
Lee glanced at the window with contempt. He hated being made to feel this way. If only there was some way to get out of this place. Go back to school? Wait on the promises of management of moving to a new location, bigger raises, more opportunities for advancement? He, like everyone else there, would wait on the promises. They all got in on the ground floor so to speak. The Drake plant was new to the area, and this crew were all hired from temp positions. As the day wore on, the monotonous nature of the work plus his thoughts from last night started to get to Lee. He had a somber look on his face that brought the attention of his friend James.
“What’s up Lee?”
“Nothing man, just got a lot on my mind,”
“Trouble on the home front again man?” James laughed. Lee just shook his head. “No really man, what’s going on?” exclaimed James as Coleman took a couple of steps toward the two, trying to listen.
“What do you want snoopy?” Lee said. James snickered.
“Hey buddy, I just wanted to see what was going on. No need for name calling now,” Coleman strutted away looking back at the two with a look of disgust.
“Anyway, you catch that game last night?” Lee said trying to turn the conversation in a different direction. “The Lakers won by forty points.” So the two continued small talk until first break.
Break time was usually a comedy fest that bordered on the ridiculous as a way of releasing tension.
“So Lee, what’s going on man?”
“You tell me Carlos. Why is your buddy on the war path today?” said Lee frowning from the pungent odor from Carlos’s breath.
“Oh man sometimes he gets like that when he and his girlfriend get into it. Actually she threw a brick at his windshield and it left a huge crack!”
Just then Randy walked in to get a soda. Lee asked
“Anything going on Randy?”
“What do you mean by that?” he said tersely.
“Just looks like something is bothering you,”
“Well you need to mind your own business!”
“Come on Randy, don’t act like that!”
Randy glared at Lee as he stormed out. Lee roared with laughter as the others snickered. They eventually made their way out to the parking lot to see the damage. The group quickly broke out in laughter.
“So that’s it huh?” said Keenan. “He’s got his panties in a bunch because of his women!”
Keenan was a kid in a grown man’s body. He and his buddy Mannie played off of each other. Two of the most childish adults Lee had ever seen.
“That’s what he gets,” said Mannie. “Treating us like dirt while he sits in the air conditioned office having a good time! He forgot it wasn’t so long ago that he was one of us. Now he’s gone corporate!”
The heat of the midday sun was blazing, so everyone made their way back to the break room. With summer approaching, the temperature was steadily rising in the plant. Add to that the demanding physical and monotonous nature of the work, and it was easy to see the frustration level build.
Terry, the plant manager, came in for a soda as break time wound to a close. He asked how everyone was doing, and Keenan spoke up first.
“You need to talk to Randy. Give him vacation time or something.”
“Yeah, needs to get his woman in check.” Mannie chimed in.
Terry just laughed and walked out. He was the type who would converse with certain ones and act like a friend. But his only true concern was numbers and how many units could be pushed out. And he would resort to any means to get them. Whether it was using Randy to intimidate, or doing it himself. Or even his feeble attempts to seem concerned by offering the employees Popsicles and Gatorade on a sweltering day. What everyone needed was a wage increase. Production and corporate profits had broken numerous records for the past two years, but the only ones reaping the benefits were the office personnel and management through big bonuses on top of their five percent yearly raise. The raises for the workers were meager at best, topping out at a quarter. So the employees let off steam with some ridiculous antics.
Immediately after work, he went to the park to run, trying to run from his life. He picked up the pace as his feet furiously pounded the pavement. The sweat stinging his eyes made it hard to see. The harder he ran, the more he realized things would still be the same. Heart pounding, shirt drenched, he slowed to a walk and bent over out of breath. The hot blazing sun on his back seemed to scold him for his mutinous thoughts.
Later that night tried to remember the reason they got married. They were both outcasts in their respective families, so they immediately bonded. Apart from that, they really had very little in common. And unless Lee really pressed the issue, Lauren was very hesitant to admit that they were always so emotionally distant from each other. She wanted the security of marriage, and being alone wasn’t an option for her, no matter what the cost. He was not one to pray, but being so hard pressed he started to pray every day and every night about it. He even prayed with Lauren, pouring out his heart to God, looking heavenward for the answer.
On one particular night in the bedroom, Lauren started crying.
“What’s wrong?” Lee said.
“I don’t know, I just love you so much. I know I can be rough on you sometimes, I, I just don’t want you to leave me.” Lee sighed and replied,
“I just feel so numb sometimes, like so much has happened between us. Lauren do we complete each other?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do we complete each other, make each better?”
“Well yes. We balance each other out. You’re easier going, and I’m not, so we keep each other in check. Honestly I think one of the main issues you’ve been avoiding Lee is my illness. You have to shoulder more of the burden at home and financially, and I think it’s really starting to eat away at you.” Lee sat in silence for a while.
Lauren’s illness couldn’t have come at a worse time, in the middle of Lee’s mini breakdown no less. It had a devastating effect on an already strained and fragile relationship. He had never given any deep thought about it until now.
“Well I guess you’re right. It really has been a huge burden to both of us.”
“But don’t take it out on me! It’s not my fault I have this disease!”
“Ok but here’s what I don’t understand. Why don’t you follow the doctor’s advice? He’s told you to exercise and eat right and it would help your symptoms drastically.
But instead, you eat out every week, and don’t work out! Then you complain about feeling miserable all the time. I don’t get it.”
“Look I’m doing the best I can! Besides, it’s my body and I can do what I want!”
“Not when it’s affecting me and the kids you can’t! That’s selfish and you know it!”
Lauren got up and slammed the door.
–Excerpt from Man Up
You can find Man Up at Amazon.com
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