Christina Huffington saw a void in the conversations between parents and children. She and her mother Arianna are closing that gap with the new HuffPost series Talk to Me.
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Arianna Huffington has long been known as a forward thinker and someone of action. From the founding of The Huffington Post, one of the most popular news and blog sites around, to an independent run for governor of California, she is indeed a woman of many talents.
Her daughter Christina is equally driven. As the creator of Talk to Me, a new video series from HuffPost, Christina is focused on changing the dynamics of family discussions. Seeking to create more authentic conversations between parents and children, early participants included Richard Branson and his son Sam, Oprah, and also Arianna and Christina themselves.
I recently had the privilege of asking a few questions of Arianna and Christina, about Talk to Me. We also touched on the importance of dialog between parents and children, and how they handled some of those conversations in their lives.
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GMP: How did the idea of Talk to Me come about?
AH: “Christina had the idea, and when she first told me about it, I was immediately excited. What I particularly loved about Talk to Me, and why I wanted it to be a HuffPost series, was the fact that it’s classic HuffPost– engagement, conversation, and connecting people across boundaries, in this case, generational ones.”
GMP: What do you see as the key benefits from this project?
“So often, when the kids are grown, and both parents and children are so caught up in the day-to-day details of our lives that it can be difficult to make the time to sit down, stop all the noise of the outside world for a while, and really talk.”
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AH: “So often, when the kids are grown, and both parents and children are so caught up in the day-to-day details of our lives that it can be difficult to make the time to sit down, stop all the noise of the outside world for a while, and really talk. So it’s our hope that by providing a structure, and creating a community of other parents and children from around the world, we can make the experience more accessible.”
GMP: Christina, what would you say to a kid that wants to start a conversation with their parents but doesn’t know how?
CH: “I would say that these conversations are almost always worse in our heads than they are in reality. I hope that Talk To Me can help be a springboard for these discussions — we’ve even provided a list of sample questions to get the ball rolling!”
GMP: Mothers often end up as the parent that have the deepest conversations with their children. What advice would you give to dads that would make them more comfortable connecting with their kids on a more serious level?
AH: “The same advice I’d give to mothers, which is to be genuinely curious and to really open up a two-way conversation with your child. As parents, when we’re willing to offer up pieces of ourselves, especially our hopes, our flaws, our vulnerabilities, the things that make us who we are, our children are much more likely to share the same with us. And that’s the kind of connection I think we all hunger for.”
GMP: Arianna, in what ways are the conversations that you have with your daughters different than those you had with your own mother? Are some topics easier?
AH: “All my life, mother gave me a sense of unconditional loving. This meant that even as I was going for my dreams, I knew that if I failed she wouldn’t love me any less. And that made me less afraid to fail. Nothing has been more important to me than passing this same sense on to my daughters – including in our conversations, so they know they can truly tell me anything. However, owing to the fact that my mother never held a traditional job, my conversations with my daughters about work and their careers and the importance of unplugging and taking time to refuel themselves have been quite different, as you’d expect. Still, I know my mother would agree with one of the main things I’ve tried to teach my daughters, which is the importance of keeping your work in perspective. We’ve had many conversations about the importance of not buying into our collective delusion that burnout is the necessary price we must pay for success.”
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GMP: Christina, In our culture kids, for the most part, have always been told to be quiet while the adults are talking. How do we overcome that and open up the lines of communications between parents and children on a daily basis?
“I think that as a culture we are taught to bury negative emotions or less-than-happy memories and that over time this can cause disconnection or resentment”
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CH: “Helping to open up lines of communication between generations has been one of the main objectives of Talk To Me. I think that as a culture we are taught to bury negative emotions or less-than-happy memories and that over time this can cause disconnection or resentment (especially in relationships as close and long-lasting as those we have with family members). I’ve found that nothing is ever made worse by talking about it. Even in the closest families there are so many topics of conversation that are off-limits — in my family, for example, I will literally cover my ears whenever either of my parents mention their mortality.”
GMP: Arianna, In today’s political climate we seem to see a desire from some to take a few steps back as a society. Where have we gone wrong? What lessons did we forget to teach our children that would combat these ideas?
AH: “There have always been people who want to turn back the clock and undo hard-won progress, but we are living in a particularly dangerous moment. With Donald Trump, we have the most unqualified, unstable and dangerous nominee in U.S. history. I’m more interested in the conversations we can have with our children going forward, starting now, about the values and principles our country was founded on. That’s how we can begin to teach our children the lesson of true leadership, a lesson that has never mattered more than now. Will we rise to the occasion to speak the truth, or will we shrink from the moment and retreat to safe platitudes and euphemisms? That is now and has always been, the first test of leadership. As Harold Pinter said in his Nobel acceptance speech, ‘the search for the truth can never stop. It cannot be adjourned; it cannot be postponed. It has to be faced, right there, on the spot.'”
GMP: What is the most interesting thing you have discovered so far from these videos? Any noticeable themes?
AH: “There’s something incredibly moving just seeing parents and children together on screen, talking about what matters most to them. We so often hear about tension and negativity between generations – Millennials being denigrated, baby boomers being blamed, etc. But what you see over and over again in these videos is an authentic connection between generations that’s so inspiring and so much more convincing than the conventional narrative.”
GMP: Arianna, Are there any topics you avoid with your children? Or any that you put off for any length of time?
AH: “I’ve made it known that I would like grandchildren, but I try not to bring it up too often!”
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GMP: Christina, from what I have read and seen, you and your mother have a great relationship. How does working together impact your personal conversations?
CH: “It’s funny because when I first had the idea for Talk To Me I was pretty adamant that I didn’t want to do it at HuffPost. I spent several months stubbornly meeting with what felt like every other possible partner and not finding anyone else who was as good a fit as the video team at HuffPost. My mom has been great about being simultaneously hands-off and available for advice or encouragement when I need her.”
GMP: Arianna, What is the most valuable lesson you have ever learned from your children?
“They have shown me, over and over again, the importance of creating what I call a tribe- people who will always be in your corner, always there for you, whether you succeed for fail.”
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AH: “They have shown me, over and over again, the importance of creating what I call a tribe- people who will always be in your corner, always there for you, whether you succeed for fail. They are, of course, lifetime members!”
GMP: Christina, what is the most valuable advice your mother has ever given you?
CH: “I tend towards impulsivity, and my mom has really impressed on me the importance of taking my time when making a decision. She calls it letting something ‘marinate.’ It’s advice her mom gave her and she has passed it on to me and my sister.”
While many of the first videos in the Talk to Me series, featured celebrities, the program is intended for parents and children from all walks of life. Arianna and Christina encourage all of their readers to use the Facebook Live feature and record their own Talk to Me videos. By using the hashtag #TalktoMe and making your video public, it could even be featured on HuffPost!
For those in the New York area, there will be a Facebook Live booth at Madison Square Park on Fathers Day, June 19th from 12-6pm. With an opportunity to have your stories shared with all 7 million of The Huffington Post’s audience around the world.
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Photo:Courtesy of The Huffington Post