Fatherhood, education, sexuality, war, crime, and redemption: 12 questions on the big topics for men everywhere to consider.
This is an interactive essay. I have 12 questions that I think might be important, but I need your help infiguring out which questions really are. In each case I pose the question, explain why it might be important, and give a quick response to the question myself before turning it over to you.
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1. Are men categorically better parents, at least in some areas? Do you think gay (male) parents have something to teach mothers?
Why: We as men have an inferiority complex when it comes to parenting. Moms have dominated the realm for an eternity. With men wanting to be more involved as dads, the question is whether we are any good at it, and, if so, is our skill the same as moms or something different?
My Take: Damn right. I’ve had three kids and there are a ton of times when I just think to myself, What the heck is she doing? I like to think I have a certain calm intuition with my kids that is unique to me. But maybe I am just nuts.
—Photo jmettraux/Flickr
Next: Telling the Truth
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About Tom Matlack
11. How important an issue is the rape and sexual abuse of adult men by women?
I know I’m a bit late but I just wanted to express how disappointed I am in how you tried to redirect that question into the usual “women have it worse” terriority that rape conversations are led to. Presuming that this question is verbatem of what was asked why even bother bringing up male against female rape when its not even in the original quesiton. You sound like you are more worried about making sure everyone knows women have it worse than making sure rape victims are taken seriously regardless of the characteristics of the victim or rapist.
So….six months later it turns out that just isn’t true. The fricking insane turns up in black and white as data on the gold standard report for sexual violence (the NISVS). The first time anyone bothers to ask, the answer turns out to be yes women rape men a hell of a lot. A HELL of a lot.
Even I was surprised it was so often.
Tom, how does this effect how you think about this stuff? Me, I have two statistics degrees and I love that stuff. I believe statistics and I can see a good one from a bad one. But I think for most people if the stat is so far outside their comfort zone it is like a magic trick at best, or just dismissed as a lie at worst.
I hope in ten years or so when they do another national sexual violence survey of this size and quality, they will delve into woman on man rape more and find out more about it, but this really is a genuinely good survey both in size and methodology.
I hope this string develops again ….
Tom: “Every act of sexual violence is to be taken seriously. But this idea that somehow in heterosexual gender wars that discussion of rape of men by women should get equal time is just fricking insane.”
I know this article was written a long time ago, but this is so hurtful. Really hurtful.
I sincerely hope you’ve changed your tune on this because let me tell you something:
Focusing equal time on men who have been raped or hurt by women is not frickin insane because there are tons of men out there who have already been seriously hurt by women in their life that they get enough grief from society for speaking out or not speaking out. And you’re saying its insane to focus on them equally as we focus on women victims?
It’s maddenning you supported (hopefully, as I’ve said, you changed your tune) this reprehensible belife that has caused many men to remain silent and not even call what happened to them rape.
Funny how contradictory your statement sounds when you say this while putting a picture of a sign reading “There is no justification for rape” above it. Because you’re basically justifying what happened to the men who were raped or abused by women in their life believing they don’t deserve equal focus.
Or would you rather they be left by the wayside until they decide to take their anger to the next level and hurt women themselves? Of course then you, and others, will be wondering what caused them to do it in the first place.
Seriously, Tom, I hope you’ve put this belife behind you. Because if you didn’t, then you don’t care about men.
Tom: “The numbers are not equal. Rape is predominately an issue where men rape women.”
Once again, hopefully you’ve read the latest CDC reports as this article was written a long time ago because it rebutes your belife here.