Why focus on the perceived stupidity of the few rather than the brilliance or courage or big-heartedness of the many?
I promised myself I wasn’t going to write another one of these shallow response pieces. Stay strong, I told myself. This is about goodness not evil. I’d written about the Wall Street Journal headline bemoaning the lack of good men. How many times had I counter-punched the Atlantic cover story announcing the end of men?
Sometimes I feel like a politician truly attempting to talk about the issues only to get sucked back into responding to negative attack ads. But I was done with that. Too tired. Too sick of some women picking a gender fight just for sport.
Then last night I had trouble sleeping. Out of sheer desperation I decided to check out the headlines on Google News. There’s a war winding down in Afghanistan, the Euro is in trouble again and the Red Sox were in danger of actually winning a game the last time I checked.
Right there at the top of the news feed, from CNN, was the story that I had been trying to ignore. “Are Men Stupid?” the headline screamed. My stomach sank. I knew I’d have to go check it out. See what woman wrote it and whether or not she went all the way back to Biblical times or used the Edwards trial to launch through the list of sex addicts from Tiger to JFK.
I looked to the byline for some glimmer of hope:
Editor’s note: Frida Ghitis is a world affairs columnist for The Miami Herald and World Politics Review. A former CNN producer/correspondent, she is the author of “The End of Revolution: A Changing World in the Age of Live Television.”
Maybe, just maybe Frida would use some common sense and not throw all men under the bus. So I started reading.
Are men stupid? How else can we explain the endless parade of otherwise successful individuals, who by all appearances seem intelligent and competent, and yet risk destroying their careers and their personal lives over the chance to have a sexual escapade?
Not a promising start, I admit. But let’s give the world affairs columnist a chance to dig herself out of the hole of gender stereotyping. But after the required slam of Edwards and the Secret Service we get this:
The pageant of legacy-killing misjudgment includes a president, several might-have-been presidents, a few governors, a World Bank director, a former Dutch prime minister, an Israeli president and one of the top golfers of all time. And that is only a partial list.
How to explain it?
The question has baffled women, mostly, since biblical times.
Oh, Frida really? We are going to say that women have been baffled by men’s stupidity (no qualifier, no handful of guys, no out for real life heros and saints) since Biblical times? This is not going well at all.
From there we get more on Edwards, the Secret Service, and a riveting discussion of Clinton, Spitzer, Tiger, Sanford, Weiner, Republican Christopher Lee, DSK, and former Dutch Prime Minister Ruud Lubbers.
Really, girlfriend that’s all you got? By my count that is somewhere around a dozen guys. I think there are over 3 billion men alive today. Someone a lot smarter than I am would have to calculate how many men have been alive since the Bible was written, as you are going after not just guys today but dead guys too back to the beginning of time.
Finally we get to primary causes, according to the CNN expert on manhood.
Some try to explain it as biology, testosterone’s fault, they say. Others blame complex psychological needs. “The appeal of hookers lies in the temporary psychic relief they supply to men struggling with conflicts about guilt and responsibility,” wrote psychologist Michael Bader.
But I believe the common denominator, the proximate cause of the irrational behavior, is arrogance; the belief by some powerful men that they can get away with it. That the world is still their unchallenged domain, as it was years ago, when few people knew about a president bringing women to the White House to have sex, as John F. Kennedy did, or pressuring his secretary to yield to sexual advances, as was common. It is willful ignorance that the world has changed.
So it used to be the case that all men were pigs but now that the world won’t let us get away with that our stupidity lies in our denial that we will get caught and can’t, like JFK, sleep with the secretary without consequence.
Hmm. I have spoken to thousands of men in the course of working on The Good Men Project and none of them brought that up. What I heard most was the desire to figure out how to be good fathers and good husbands and good men.
Frida, if I published a piece that announced ALL WOMEN ARE GOLD-DIGGERS would that be fair to Mother Teresa or Hilary Clinton or the CEO of Pepsi? Similarly how does a headline announcing the stupidity of men show respect for Julio Medina or Michael Kamber, both of whom are heroic men we have profiled here at GMP?
I mean I am sure I could come up with a list of a dozen very well known female gold diggers. But to try to generalize from that sample to ALL women would be silly. And frankly miss the aspirational point of what I love and admire about women, ones in my life and the ones in public life who I pay attention to.
What do you admire about men, Frida? Why focus on what you perceive as the stupidity of the few rather than the brilliance or courage or big-heartedness of the many?
I’ve said it before but I guess I have to say it again: the idea that men are stupid sex-crazed idiots is just as much of a perversion as the incidents that fill our news. We can focus on the sexual misdeeds of a few or the good deeds of the many men in our country and around the world. It’s really our choice. But having some woman write yet another indictment of men as a species is just not helpful to anyone. Most especially women.
Let’s talk about goodness rather than badness for a change. Please.
About Tom Matlack
Amen-
I, too, read the article yesterday, and was disappointed. I was hoping for an explanation, or perhaps a a rebuttal on behalf of the goodness of the majority of men, but alas.. It seems that the cynical view of men just comes so easy that people don’t event try to resist it.
I note that, once again, the female author of male-bashing article never once tried actually asking some men for their opinions. Never once did she try to gain access to the male perspective or review any male commentary on the issues.
Instead–predictably, inevitably–she simply assumed she understood how men think, and proceeded to demonstrate that she does not. And she will win much praise and applause for this article, because you’ll never go broke bashing men in American media.
Women do not regard our views on sex as relevant. Most women hold the attitude that men simply desire “sex for the sake of sex.”
End of story.
Yes, it was pretty ironic that she represented herself as some kind of expert on manhood and our stupidity. Sad really. I do think that we as consumers of news and media have to turn this whole line of thinking off and shine a light on the truth of a much more nuanced and complex view of manhood.
CNN.com has long abadonned its reputation as a neutral news source. Now it’s just another media comelgorate (is that how it’s spelt?) out for headline grabbing malarky and ratings.
What gets my gall is that these people know, REALLY know, that if they were to publish a similar opnion piece with the headline “Are all women stupid?”, the howls of protest would be deafening. But, like the other articles Tom mentions, they go after an easy target instead since they believe no one will give a damn about men and their issues. They’re the ones that have oppressed women for centuries, enjoying the fruits of power. So, yeah, let’s give them a dose of their own medicine. “Eye for an eye” as the saying goes.
Frida Ghitis fails to realize that, without men, she woudn’t possess the technology to spew her drivel.
Yup, I would never say all women are stupid. And for good reason. I would have my nuts cut off.
I’ll say it for you. All women are stupid, men have wondered at their idiotic behaviour since biblical times.
Flame on.
See, a man can make idiotic and unresearched comments too. They are just as useless for serious debate.
PS. That you flippantly refer to women committing physical violence against you for holding the mirror opinion, yet men are abjured from threatening such to Frida Ghitis, is telling.
yeah you are probably right.
I have a pretty simple test for sexism against men: if you wouldn’t say it about women, then you shouldn’t say it about men. For some reason most media and commercials do not care about this standard.
Oh, Tom…I so admire and appreciate you for the way you stay in it, in spite of this (all-too-often-occurring) man-hating/bashing/shaming/dismissing/reducing and thoroughly discouraging crap in the media.
Thanks for what you’re doing. It really matters.
Karen Jones
The Heart Matters
Author of “Men are Great” (yes, they are!)
Thanks Karen.
Yeah, where would anyone get the stupid idea that the rich and powerful can get away with misbehavior? Don’t these rich and powerful men realize that the elite are always held accountable for their actions? I don’t know where anyone would get the idea that the rich and powerful get to play by a different set of rules, unless you look at something as misleading as reality.
Seriously, though, there are two different questions being confused together:
1. Why do people misbehave?
2. Why do they think they can get away with it when they do?
Okay, let’s ignore for the moment the absurdity of putting marital infidelity and sexual assault in the same category, but let’s say all these men were driven by some sort of stupidity caused by their libidos. That could be a form of stupidity. But, thinking they could get away with it is not necessarily such a stupid conclusion, given how many of them got away with it for such a long time. And, given how many more must be getting away with it every damn day.
What an incredible adaptation of the historical record to present JFK as a cautionary tale about powerful men NOT being able to get away with sexual escapades. Seems like a pretty good piece of evidence for quite the opposite, actually. The evidence of his orgiastic lifestyle in the past few years has actually helped his image as much as damaged it.
Another obvious question, perhaps confirmation that I am in fact quite stupid, is whether or not the career is the goal and the sex is the distraction. Perhaps one of the main reasons they sought and maintain wealth and power is the range of sexual possibilities now open to them. The sex doesn’t get in the way of power. It could be the reason for the power in the first place.
There’s an even deeper question that perhaps few people have the heart to answer. What if, in any one of the cases of consensual stupidity (Tiger Woods, for example), those moments of breaking the rules were actually worth all the fallout they caused? It’s stupid if you know the negative consequences outweigh the positives and you do it anyway. But, if it was worth it, then it’s hard to say it was all that stupid. Arrogant, yes. Selfish, certainly. But, those aren’t the same as stupid. What if you asked Tiger Woods if it was all worth it, and in his heart of hearts, he thought yes, it really was worth it? In that case he calculated quite accurately.
Finally: clearly she doesn’t mean ALL men are stupid. She seems to restrict the accusation to heterosexual men….
Hah! I was a little on the fence about your intentions until the end. Clearly, she was holding her accusations to hetero bros.
Nice way to miss the point. You ignore the fact this woman attacked men (IE, a generalization that applies to the majority, though with room for exceptions), and instead you justify her misandry by playing off your dislike for the 1%. She didn’t limit herself to just talking about the wealthy, she was speaking of men, regardless of wealth, she simply used those in positions of note as examples. I’m curious, do you consider the secret service agents she points to to also be rich? Do you intend to imply her accusation applies equally to rich women as to rich men?
“Nice way to miss the point.”
Thank you.
Your welcome. I strive to be courteous and give credit where credit is due.
P.S. I haven’t cracked open a bible in a long time, so forgive me, but exactly where in the Bible are there women wondering aloud why men are so stupid? I must have missed that part of “biblical times,” whatever the heck that really means. I suppose Judith could have wondered at how idiotic Holofernes was to trust her….
And more points for referencing Judith getting Holofernes horny then drunk then decapitated.
I can’t speak for Holofernes’ experience. It is entirely possible, from his point of view, that the whole experience was worth the risk of a beheading. He dramatically ended his successful military career on a high note, at least.
Isn’t there something somewhere about well-behaved men never making history?
Finally, someone in the mainstream media is brave enough to call out all men for being dipshits knowing very well that her boss is a man and could, in his short-sighted testosterone-fueled rage, fire her at his pleasure. Fearless and really, really an important thing that we all were thinking but were too cowardly to say. Breathtaking.
Above, someone suggested it’s sexist if you say something about men that were it said about women, the lot of them would cry foul. While it would be nice were it true, it’s a little too why-can’t-we-be-friends-with-rainbows for my tastes. Men and women are different. In my limited experience, one major disconnect is that men recognize there is a difference to a greater degree than women do.
Unfortunately, there is a segment of the media-consuming population that likes when the choir is preached to and this segment has been convinced that the things in their life that aren’t perfect, relationships namely, are because men are selfish or stupid or entitled or condescending.
Evidently, men aren’t supposed to call women “crazy” when they don’t understand their actions and feelings (especially when it comes to anger). It would be OK if there was some sort of reciprocation regarding blanketing men with statements similarly inane and inflammatory accusations. I’d argue that there are approximately as many irrational girlfriends and wives as there are selfish, stupid husbands and boyfriends.
I think we really solved some problems today.
And holy crap, let’s talk about the voters that keep putting obvious village idiots into office. Or the paparazzi-media-craze that objectifies both male and female celebrities as we just WAIT excitedly for them to cheat on their spouses. Or a culture that instead of vilifying those people that DO shame their humanity and gender, rewards it with reality television shows, book and movie deals.
We are ASKING by name for society to do something terrible, then rewarding it when it happens. We can’t then punish a whole gender for being what society is telling them to be.
And no, I’m not saying that these people are forced to cheat on their spouses – they’re still people who can make decisions, and need to do so. But our world has got to a point where we look up to the villains. For CNN, it’s just another great piece of bait as they slide into “that kind” of journalism.
Zach I think they went over to the dark side a long time ago. There is no difference between TMZ and “news”. What does it say when everybody watches parody of the “hard” news to get real info?
While I cannot speak for most men, I can only say that I would “risk it all” if I were not getting laid. Just being honest. Sex is that important to me.
Sorry, Terence, but honest discussion of men’s priorities is not allowed. This article is all about the judgment.
The risk is often taken because we’re not getting laid well. But men just want an orgasm, right?
Speaking as one who’s taken that risk, I can assure you some women take it too and for the same reason.
Great takedown of a preposterous piece that would never have been tolerated if the title had been “Are Women Stupid?” and the piece was by a male writer, writing about women who get involved with men like Mr. Edwards.
Thanks Michael, as always.
Shame on CNN for using a provocative question that plays into masculine stereotypes, just to get someone to read an article. Shame on them for stooping to sensationalist headlines. No website that I frequent would ever do something like that…. The next thing you know, CNN will be having articles about breast size and porn and feature ads with women in lingerie. Where did the professionalism go?….
Interesting discussion of the piece with the author Frida on twitter. Her handle is @FridaGColumns
I stopped watching / reading CNN a long time ago so this isn’t any surprise to me.
Note that what I’m about to say doesn’t condone anything these cheating idiots have done. They made a conscious decision.
That being said, I would really like to see someone write about what’s going through the minds of these women who these men have affairs with. What are THEY thinking when they know these men are married and most have children? The fact is that every man that has an affair, has that affair with a women. And please don’t say that a lot of men don’t tell them that they’re married because that’s a minority. And even if that is the case, maybe women should be a little or a lot more discerning as to who they go to bed with.
Writing about “good” men in the main stream media doesn’t sell like the scandals and missteps do, so don’t expect anything to change. Add to that, writing negative features about women would be the death of publishers / producers.
Come off it, a dozen men who have risked everything for a fling? A dozen? Who see all the prostitutes’ clients then? Who is it ringing up those chat lines? Putting up fake profiles on dating websites? Calling up my gay ex house mate for one night stands while their wives were at home? Who are all those engineering contractors with a second Thai wife? Wo are the middle aged guys at office parties and weddings hitting on younger women right in front of their wives? Who are the sailors with a girl in every port? Who are the men with 4 wives? Or more?
Yes men are stupid. The most stupid thing about men is that they don’t even realise how stupid they are.
I’m disappointed at the removal of the post from “girl”, posted Oct 24, as it demonstrates the very same mindset of the person who wrote the original article Tom responded to, though with far less restraint. I’ve been told repeatedly that those kinds of feminists are rare, but it makes me wonder if they aren’t so much rare as just covered up well.