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About Anonymous


  1. “Here’s the plain, awful fact: people can have more and better sex drunk than they can sober. : That’s called Doing It Wrong.

    • Very wrong. I have had sex under the influence of alcohol exactly once. It wasn’t nearly as good, because I couldn’t be nearly as inventive.

      • I could probably have better sex when tipsy as it would be enough to mellow out my insecurities, being drunk though would make it difficult to perform.

  2. Why is he so afraid to post his name to this piece? If he’s admitting to partaking in such meaningless actions, why not be man enough to put a name to this public article?

  3. Hey Guy, just so you know – as long as you’re okay with raping, I’m totally okay with your victim murdering your dumb ass. As a woman, I carry a knife for self-defense at all times because of ignorant, selfish, psychotic idiots like you. One of these days you’re going to run into a girl like me who is perfectly fine driving home the meaning of the word “No” with the sharp end of her hunting knife.

    Ladies, stop trying to reason with idiots. Be willing to defend yourself by any means necessary – that’s pretty much the only way they’re going to learn.

    • I suggest making sure you learn how to use it, as often weapons the victim had can be used against them. You don’t want to be bringing them more power of course. Krav Maga from what I’ve seen is a pretty decent form of self-defense and could help out but I fear that in this situation the victim is most likely so drunk she or he cannot fight back

  4. I guess I’m just wondering how those he parties with feel about his views on rape is a part of life. If he disclosed this view, how would that affect his ability to party? It all seems very cowardly, if you’re going to say you have this right what about the others around you. You are a danger to others.

    • Jonathan G says:

      I’m gonna keep harping on this point: Nobody driving their cars around asks me how I feel about the danger of violent death being part of life when I’m riding my bicycle. Yet I’ve seen enough “good drivers” do things that make it a very, very real possibility.

  5. Is the @anonymous for real? Can it be that this gut bucket has made no replies?

  6. Sex is about kissing and being kissed, licking and being licked and so on. If you can’t figure that out when your “partner” “fails” to kiss or lick you back, then, man, you’ve got no idea about what sex is.
    If you think that sex is that little high you get all alone in your bathroom reading magazines with pretty pictures in them, then go ahead and do it without using other people’s bodies – you can’t appreciate the difference.
    I’m sick and tired of ignorant pathetic j*rks like you. Women deserve better than a quick pin against the wall, even if consensual (I find hard to believe that last bit).
    So go home alone to do what you enjoy best, and leave the women to men who can and do appreciate them.

  7. This is all very well and I respect the honesty of the guy posting it however he is clearly confusing two situations here. Firstly is first paragraph about him raping the girl at the party was clearly rape and him reffering to it as “harsh third base” is massively offensive.

    He then seems to compare this situation with situations that are not rape at all. he talks about a girl who drank two glasses of wine which mixed with her medication that she consentual drank then was throwing herself over a guy… if she had never made it obvious she had no idea who he was if the two then did have sex that is not rape. Sex you are agreeing too even if you are doing so from an intoxicated state you got yourself in by knowingly drinking a substance (it would be different if you did not know you were ingesting the substance) is not rape. His suggestion that he is a rape survivor because he has had sexual encounters he later regretted or can not remember is offensive to real rape survivors.

    The fact he dosn’t recognise the first incident as rape despite the obvious force in the situation is scary.

    • The problem is it depends on who you talk to. There was an article linked here that “described Rape Culture” earlier that would argue that sleeping with someone who is drunk IS in fact rape, and if they had it their way sleeping with someone who is drunk (not passed out, not forceful, but two people actively engaging in sex while one of them is drunk) would be considered rape. As for the author’s assertion that he is a rape victim, he doesn’t say he regrets the encounters, rather he says that he doesn’t remember them: Was he unconscious and passed out when the girl approached him? Then yes, he was raped. Did the girl slip something into his drink? Then yes, he was raped. Was he conscious and just doesn’t remember because he was black-out drunk? For the people who assert that a girl who was conscious, drunk, and consenting, and does not remember consenting the next morning was raped, then yes, he was raped.*

      * Well actually he wasn’t raped because according to the formal definition used for statistics by the FBI a man can’t be raped by a woman’s genitals, even though when the general public hears the word “rape” they think “forced sexual encounter.”

  8. Dear Sir: I doubt you’ll take this advice until you hit some sort of rock bottom or your friends and family call you out on it. Your behavior is extremely dangerous, reckless, and self destructive (not to mention destructive to others as you are aware that you engage in rape). You’re likely to end up in jail, in a car crash, father to an unplanned child, a crapped out liver, or with a dangerous STD as it is clear that you frequently drink to the point that your judgement fails you and you have blackouts. IF your name becomes associated with this piece, it is extremely likely that your career will be in jeopardy – in short, you could lose your job (or clients if you are self employed) and not find a new one if Google searches associate you to this essay. PLEASE consider seeing a therapist and getting some help – but I doubt you’ll do that, because you don’t seem to recognize yet that you have a problem. Based on the title of this piece, you almost seem proud of this behavior.

    Unlike others who are being very critical of the GMP for running this series, I am glad that they published it. These topics are taboo and a thoughtful discussion is truely needed.

  9. So you’re a guy, you’re out partying with a bunch of other guys, and you all get really drunk, and you’re all laughing and horsing around and slapping each other on the back, and you and another guy walk out to his truck to grab another bottle of booze. and this guy (he outweighs you by 50 pounds) knocks you to the ground, pins you down, pulls you pants down and shoves his penis up your butt – but hey, you were coming on to him, right? You were laughing and drinking – you even touched him. Obviously you wanted it. Did you like it? Was it painful and humiliating and scary? Oh gee – it’s different when it’s male-on-male? IT’S RAPE.

  10. Christilynn says:

    I haven’t been able to read all of the comments here, but I would like to give another perspective. I college, I was an extremely hard partier. I drank too much, and passed out all of the time. I regret some of the things that I said and did while under the influence, but, like the author of this piece, I was having too much fun to stop.
    Here’s the difference between the author and I: If I had ever done anything that I found out later had hurt someone, I don’t think I could have continued with that lifestyle. I can’t imagine the guilt I would feel had I pushed someone into doing something they didn’t want to do. That would have stopped my partying in its tracks – because NO lifestyle is worth the possibility of hurting other people.
    On another note, I was drunk many times, and I had many encounters. Still with that, I managed to keep my virginity until I deemed it was time for it to go (I was sober, by the way). I said no so many times with the guys that I was with that it became a running joke in my circle of friends. In fact, they started betting on who it would be that I would finally say yes to. There were no bad feelings, no fights, no regrets – no matter how drunk anyone was, no meant no, and that was it. There were no gray areas. Maybe I was lucky, and I fell into a group of people who were brought up right, but that was the way it was. In fact, I remember the only time I actually wanted to spend the night with a friend, he gently turned me down, saying that we would both regret it in the morning. We had both been drinking rather heavily, yet he was able to do the right thing. This is what happens when people actually stop and think about each other and the consequences of their actions. Rape is rape – and if you get so drunk that you routinely don’t remember the people you hurt, and when you sober up you don’t really care, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

  11. Disregard the feminist whinging. Drunken, semi-conscious sex is problematic on its own, but nowhere as bad as forcible, conscious rape. The linkage is an attempt by feminists to overplay the victim card and lend moral credence to their own biases.

    • Any time you accuse someone of playing a “card,” note that you are being a serious a*hole.

      “Nowhere as bad.” Gimme a break. Like you can tell someone who’s been raped that there’s a hierarchy to the pain they feel. “I’m sorry that you were raped and you feel used dear, but at least you weren’t conscious for most of it!”

      • I agree. “Date rape” is just as bad. Rape is rape. If she is too drunk to say no, that doesn’t mean she is saying yes.

      • Doug Spoonwood says:

        A statement with a “Nowhere as bad.” clause does NOT imply emotional equivalence between two different things. Other sorts of harm exist than emotional harm. Having something or someone physically harm is not emotional. Having someone violate your privacy is a sort of harm, but it is not emotional. Having someone steal your property is a sort of harm, but it is not emotional in and of itself, because people do sometimes give up their property voluntarily or not care if they have one or two articles of their property stolen.

        You might be right, Betty and Erika, about “date rape” qualifying as just as bad as “forcible, conscious rape” but you have no rational argument backing that claim up here. Additionally, one can probably argue and maintain that the degree of the violation of someone’s wishes comes as greater in a “forcible, conscious rape” than “date rape”.

        If someone gets their purely material property like clothes or books or shoes, stolen by someone they know and did like, then the thief has more opportunities in life and probably has an easier time in the world. So, even though the victim has their material property stolen, at least one situation consistent with the victims wishes, at some point in time, might still happen. But, if one’s material property gets stolen by a complete stranger, then it is not likely that any situation consistent with the victim’s wishes will happen. Consequently, the degree of harm in the different types of theft is NOT necessarily the same.

        This sort of reasoning might not extend very well to date rape vs. forcible, conscious rape, but it is not necessarily impossible.

        • Here’s a rationale for why date rape and forcible rape can be as bad as each other – they both involve entering someone else’s body without that person’s permission, and they both involve forgetting or ignoring that that thing you’re shagging is an actual human being.

          And comparing rape to theft of possessions is weak! If someone the victim knows gets some satisfaction out of a situation, then the victim should be happy (even though they’ve been robbed or raped) their good pal is having a nice time. Really?? Sometimes people are raped forcibly and violently by people they actually know and like – at what point does their entitlement to their own body outweigh their concern for the aggressor’s happiness?

    • I was drugged and raped. I had one drink that night. I was held down by three people after I blacked out and an entire bottle of tequila was poured down my throat (I only know this now because a friend confessed to me what had really happened later on). Close to thirty people, most of them knew me, watched. A guy I never found attractive and never flirted with had sex with me while I was passed out. I almost died. ALL of those people backed him up with their silence and meanwhile, I couldn’t walk for three weeks and was black and blue all over my face and my body for weeks and weeks. Tell me this, when I woke up to this really gross guy who was an acquaintance having sex to me, covered in my own puke and bile…should I have been relieved I couldn’t remember what happened while I was blacked out? Is this why a female detective told me that it was too expensive to test my blood to see if I was drugged and that we were going to have to drop my case? Being raped in such a horrible way in front of so many people ruined my life, or so I thought; but I never hated men because of it. I worked really hard for a long time and I’m good with everything now. What makes me start to think I hate men is when I read comments like yours. You make me sick. Men are hard-wired to protect women and children. The men who do not find rape or even the thought of a manipulation revolting are just proof that we live in a sissified culture or mama’s boys who hide at the first sign of difficulty. Run away, little boy.

      • Anne, that sounds like something called the Big Dan’s rape case that happened back in the ’80’s not far from where I grew up. I’m so sorry for your experience. Did you continue living in that town, or did you have to move away and start over? I can’t even imagine.

  12. this article scared the shit out of me, and that’s a good thing. reading it reiterated to me that i’ve been on both sides of (and witnessed without doing anything about) a lot of grey-area situations like those described and crystallized a thought i’ve been having for a while: i need to stop drinking so much. i’ve been sober since i read this article last week, and a week is a big deal for me.

    basically i learned from this guy who doesn’t want to stop partying that i do want to stop partying. really scary, really educational. thanks for showing me what it looks like from the outside.

    • Good for you.

      I, too have lived that party lifestyle. I’ve hung out with alot of guys, played alot of beer pong, and on occasion gotten myself into situations I didn’t want. Despite considering myself a feminist, I never ‘cried rape’, I blamed myself. After seeing it happen firsthand to other girls, and hearing the stories out of the mouths of men who I was friends with, who relentlessly pursued and took advantage of women and then lied and claimed ‘she was all into me’, I’ve realized how messed up the entire social dynamic is. More people need to understand this. Thank you.

  13. I’m glad you’re fine with raping people. Your peace of mind is the most important, after all.

    • Martin Nash says:

      I like the way you nicely skipped over his thoughts of his own potential victimhood when he too is too drunk to consent. But then i guess using your own style of phrase; “I’m glad you are fine with men being raped. A woman’s right to choose is the most important after all”.

      Please try and read the whole article first, I am not condoning this mans behaviour or attitude, but his account is far more complex than a simple mea culpa

  14. This account should be both a wake-up call AND proof of the absurdity and dangerous consequences of the inflation of the value of the meaning of the word “rape” – the very fact that it’s possible to talk about such a thing as “gray-rape” demonstrates this dangerousness. The maximalist idea that “everything short of explicit verbal consent is rape”, which makes 90% of sex “rape”, is dangerous in that it banalizes rape. Anyone who is not impared beyond judgment knows whether a person is consenting or not. And anyone who is too impared to judge is therefore, by this very criterion, no less a rape victim than s/he is a rapist, as the author rightly points out. Unless, of course, the impared person resorts to physical force, whether implicit or explicit. This is rape, because rape is not sex, it is violence. It is not “ambiguous” or gray. All the implication that it IS does is let rapists off the hook. By creating that doubt, as if rape were on a sliding scale from consensual sex, and was not something fundamentally different.

  15. Thanks for your honesty, OP. I actually appreciated it. But it seems me that you’ve so entrenched yourself in the ritual of undiscriminating, uninhibited sex that you don’t realize your own ability to snap out of it and behave in a way that is perhaps less destructive for both yourself and others. So you’ve realized that you yourself may have been victimized in the past, and you don’t really know how you feel about it but you certainly don’t feel like a rape survivor. That’s all well and good for you. And you feel like since you have conflicted feelings about your own experiences, and since partying for you is such a wondrous thing, there’s no strong reason to stop potentially raping people. But dude, when you rape another person, it’s not YOUR conflicted feelings or YOUR glorious past experiences that matter. It’s the other person’s. Her feelings, her pain, this one experience that, for her, is awful. A happy-go-lucky drunken encounter for you may be one of the lowest, most excruciating moments of her life, and you don’t even seem to care. Frankly, I find your position to be quite solipsistic. I wonder at your lack of empathy. Most of us, no matter how drunk we are, still know the difference between right and wrong, extremely stupid and not stupid. I mean, we may do dumb things, but most of us still won’t jump out of windows or step into moving traffic or throw chairs at people or strangle babies or eat poop. We won’t do these things because we can’t rid ourselves of the way we’ve been conditioned, even when we’re seriously intoxicated. Most people who DO do that kind of stuff are either prone to do it when sober anyway or are hiding some latent inclination to do it. And though discretion may be gone, we’re still the same old people with the same old likes and dislikes, same old habits and hatreds. No matter how blackout drunk my brother is, he will never eat tomatoes. No matter how blackout drunk my best friend is, she still sings the same old stupid song “Sweet Caroline.” Every g-d time. A man who has learned not to rape–to abhor rape–will not rape, even when blackout drunk. That may take an element out of your partying, all that sex, but is that not worth it to preserve another person’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being? I mean, all the hemming and hawing you do in your spiel, I don’t buy it. You are playing the part of a rape apologist, even though you say you aren’t one, because you’re telling us that you refuse to unlearn rape because you think it’s impossible and unnecessary.

    Have a little respect for your reader. Many of us aren’t going to be so easily reeled in by your skillful prevaricating. I think you’re just not being honest with yourself.

  16. I do understand the intoxicatingly blissful euphoria that comes with an electric dim lit crowded bar, throbbing heightened displays of loose wit and zeal which only manifest with crowds who have been indulging in booze and drugs. I also get that you need to rationalize your inappropriate actions when indisposed to think clearly for the sake of falling asleep at night
    But I am not on your side. Because anonymous, it doesn’t sound like you have put into place any changes to your lifestyle to ensure this horrendous act doesn’t happen again when you have another particularly big night. I’m especially worried because this article indicates you have forgiven yourself in some capacity, because otherwise the palpable shame and rightful self-disgust would keep you silent. Rape is a crime. You seem more consumed with the connotations of bearing the label ‘rapist’-which you are now branded with forever by the way….rather than the crippling pain/degradation/self loathing/humiliation/emotional, physical turmoil (when you forced yourself on her in public against a wall) you inflicted on this woman. Proven by your gormless surprise when she was seeking help for this vile crime against humanity even years later. Empathy. Try to imagine with all social contexts in place, being that girl. But I don’t expect an egotistical, self involved, cruel rapist to have that basic level of imagination.
    Don’t expect to be absolved for your actions simply by writing a searingly honest yet empty, clearly unapologetic reflection. There is a reason there is no sympathy for rapists. and no one could have demonstrated why this is better than you. They are always only ever sorry for themselves…never the for the person they raped. Anonymous, I don’t know how to break it to you hun..but you belong in prison. But you’re obviously too clever to wind up in there. So I guess party on pitiful monster-who evidently lacks any self control or basic sense of compassion…Remember, one day if ever, you realize you actually care about other people in this world..castration is a surprisingly safe and efficient procedure these days-let’s face it, not like you’ve got any remote semblance of manhood to lose.


    • That’s not very sound logic. They don’t kick people out of AA for showing up with an alcohol problem an no action plan. That’s absolutely absurd. This guy just dropped a bomb and still doesn’t know what to think of it, but he admitted that something is wrong. That’s step one. In recovery, it goes – Admitting you have a problem (check) Recognizing a higher power that can give strength (in this case, knowledge and informed discussion) Examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (newsflash, we’re gonna have to be the sponsors) Making amends (because recovery DOESN’T begin with apologies) And then step 5 – learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior, which leads to step 6 – helping others who suffer from the same addictions or compulsions which in this case would be a godsend, fucking rapists helping other rapists recognize rape culture so they can play a part in stopping it. So congratulations, we’re shutting him down on step one because we’re such reasonable, informed people.

  17. Interesting.
    I have had the experiences that he describes: Orgies, sexy hook-ups, incandescently beautiful moments where reality was blurred and I made connections with complete strangers.

    The part that confuses me is the part where the writer insists that one has to be drunk, high, or both in order to have these experiences. Most of mine happened while I was sober, and the remaining few times did not involve large amounts of booze and none of them involved drugs.

    From where I’m standing, requiring enough booze to be blackout drunk to have a good time is just plain doing it wrong.

  18. It seems we’re also talking about alcoholism here.

  19. breakherlegs says:

    I’ve certainly had drunken sex I regretted. Most of the time, I’d say I just made a poor choice and the alcohol destroyed my judgement. To call that ‘rape’, or feel raped, just doesn’t really seem fitting when I’ve also been sexually assaulted whilst fully aware. I’m not saying it’s good to take advantage of someone, it’s immoral, but I’m sorry, it’s just not ‘rape’.

    I mean, what happens if both parties are very, very drunk? Who’s to blame? It seems most people would automatically blame the male, but if he’s just as incapable of making clear decisions as she is, is he really a ‘rapist’? Is he even taking advantage of her? And what if it is a two males, or two female? Who’s to blame then?

    However, there was a time when I was that drunk that it was certainly non-consensual. I even drunkenly blabbered ‘No’ a few times, in various forms. It differed from my sober ways of saying no, because instead of a forceful, blunt refusal which couldn’t possibly be interpreted, it was more like a ‘No, I have a boyfriend’, ‘No, I’m too drunk’, ‘No, I’m not really horny’. Yet I’m not sure how my drunken body language was appearing, so it’s difficult to tell in that half-conscious state how clear my signals were. Sure, I think it was clear enough but the truth is, I barely remember it. I do remember he was a lot less drunk than me, so in mind it was rape.

    Reading this article though makes me realize that I myself was very nearly a rapist, or at least, I nearly took advantage of someone. I remember the event. I had been drinking, but wasn’t too drunk. The guy I was attempting to sleep with was absolutely hammered. In the end, he was too drunk to get it up which was a great thing, I now realize.

    Makes me wonder just how many other female rapists or would-be rapists there are. I dare day men report it a lot less, and probably don’t feel raped a lot less then women do because society doesn’t focus on male rape. In fact, it often dismisses it as being impossible. Surely, it isn’t. If a woman can be raped because she’s too drunk to give consent, can’t a man also be in such a state? In fact, I don’t really see any real reason why male rape is dismissed so much.

    Of course, I despise victim-blaming as much as the next sexual assault victim but I do think that women should be taught how to be more affirmative in their non-consent etc. because really, if you haven’t said ‘no’ clearly, and you’ve been flirting all night, and the guy might be a bit drunk, it might be easy for the guy to get confused.

    I say this because I have noticed something about a few of the men who have sexually assaulted me. Despite my saying ‘No’, since I wasn’t yelling or screaming or punching them in the face, they kept on touching me in an effort to make me aroused enough to consent to sex. Of course, they should have still stopped after I’d told them to stop, they weren’t my partners, they had no right to touch me in the first place. However, in their minds, it was just persuasion, attempting to coax me into it. They were horny and believe with the right amount of work, I would become horny too. Fortunately, all of these men in particular got the message eventually, one way or another and it didn’t end up in rape.

    So when does coercion become sexual assault? When is it no longer persuading someone to get them in the mood, and suddenly violating somebody’s body? How can women be taught to define the line better, and men taught to understand the line? (Of course, this applies to female predators and male victims as well, sorry for stereotypes).

    I am a studying psychologist and human sexuality is something which constantly intrigues me. I found this article… kind of disturbing, but also relative and thought-provoking.

  20. I remember one time when I was abroad a few years ago. I ate some bad food, got sick (vomiting and diarrhea) and went to bed early. My girlfriend stayed out and came back from a party tipsy and woke me up wanting sex. As you can imagine I REALLY didn’t feel like it. But she was horny and insistant so I gave her what she wanted and went back into medicated sleep straight afterwards. Does this make her a rapist? What about the time we did shots and went to bed together and she didn’t remember about us doing it in the morning? She was walking and talking and seemed awake. Does that mean I am a rapist? Speaking personally my answer to this was to quit drinking so I didn’t have to get into situations where this was a question anymore. It’s a choice I have yet to regret,

    So, I quibble with the writer’s idea that sex is best when you’re under the influence, but I also had some pretty good times when chemicals got me laid when I probably wouldn’t have (gave me confidence to approach for one thing). This is my problem with the good consent model. In my experience, most of the time people don’t stop to do ‘good consent’ and fill out forms. They’ll get drunk and just have sex. Or just have sex and skip the drinking. I think if you scratch at most people they will have times they’ve regreted having sex with someone; it’s only as we get older and we have a few bad memories that we realise something that we paissonately pursue and that feels enjoyable can be a double-edged sword. I’m cynical engouh to think that all the good intentions in the world will not change this fact for the simple reason that each generation has to re-learn this for itself. I am in my late twenties and I guess still learning. Nevertheless I look back and feel astonished at how ignorant and mix-uped I was about sex. I expect I’ll feel the same way about me now in another ten years.

  21. I have a two drink rule. I won’t have sex with someone if I have a reason to believe they’ve had more than two drinks. That does bring up the medication issue though. I have friends on meds that exacerbate the alcohol issues, and I’ve even known people to pop a klonopin along with their drink. I definitely make a point to avoid any sexual contact with people who do such things.

    I quit drinking a while back because I was an alcoholic. I can’t help thinking this is an extremely complex issue. Several people had sex with me while I was blackout drunk back then, but guess what? I’ve seen videos of myself during blackouts, and I was walking straight and not even slurring. That’s because I was an alcoholic whose body was so used to the booze. It would be cruel if I suggested that the people who had sex with me then should have somehow magically intuited my desperately-hidden problem.

  22. This entire article is bull. I was the ‘party guy’ for more than 20 years, and to this day probably drink more than is healthy. I have been blacked out more times than I can count (literally), on every substance known to man. Never once did I come anywhere near ‘technical’ rape, non-technical rape, digital rape, analog rape, whatever, nor did any of my friends. Substances lower inhibition more than they make someone into a completely different person. If a behavior is completely beyond your capacity when you’re sober, no amount of boozing is going to change that. This has been argued in the courts for years, and “I was so drunk I did x” defense will basically never get you acquitted (see I’ve seen a lot of people get a lot of drunk, and the ones that are mysoginistic a**holes when drunk are the ones who are quieter mysoginistic a**holes when sober. Stop blaming the booze, and take a look at what your values are, and how they affect your opinions of and actions towards others. That, more than the number of shots you down, will influence what you do when you’re housed.

  23. I feel physically sick. This is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever read, and the comments are equally horrifying. I don’t even feel like I can leave the house after reading this.

  24. Jonathan says:

    Wow, dude. Grow up already.

    “Some might think it’s monstrous of me to keep drinking, keep partying. But I have had so many good, positive, happy experiences because I took a chance and altered my state and connected with someone else sexually, it seems crazy to throw all that away. ”

    Monstrous, no. Idiotic yes. If you can’t find good, positive, happy experiences without “altering your state”, and especially if you can’t connect with someone sexually without getting drunk, then I really feel sorry for you. Because that is a sad, pathetic waste of a life. You would rather risk being a criminal and a victim, and destroying other people’s lives just because you’re too much of a loser to find good experiences without using mind altering chemicals? Do yourself and everyone else a favor, and get help.

  25. I applaud this article. It was brutally honest which is exactly what we need. It was insightful, introspective and true.


  1. […] “I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying” is an addict’s story. […]

  2. […] but it is something I write about frequently…. This comes across the transom this morning- I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying Kind of a despicable article which could also have been titled “I’d Rather Commit Rape […]

  3. […] I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying Finally, Date Rape Ads That Put The Onus On The Raper Poissonnes sans Bicyclettes A school reveals it has a “Fantasy Slut League” No big deal. It was just a high school’s secret “Fantasy Slut League.” One in which female students, “unbeknownst to most of them,” would be drafted and “male students [would] earn points for documented engagement in sexual activities” with them. One in which “participation often involved pressure/manipulation by older students that included alcohol to impair judgment/control and social demands to be popular, feel included and attractive to upper classmen.” La culture du viol décrit un <b>environnement social et médiatique dans lequel les violences sexuelles trouvent des justifications, des excuses, sont simplement banalisées, voire acceptées. </b> C’est par exemple un environnement qui culpabilise les femmes quant à leurs tenues et leur apparence. Dire (ou penser) qu’une femme victime de viol qui se balade seule le soir en talons et en mini- jupe “l’a bien cherché”, c’est faire peser sur la victime la responsabilité du crime – car le viol est un crime, n’est-ce pas (ce petit rappel est important pour la suite). <b>Remarquez l’omniprésence, dans notre société, d’éléments appartenant à la culture du viol </b>. Le slut-shaming donc, pratiqué par les hommes et les femmes, en est un composant. On trouve également énormément de références dans le porno, où la domination absolue du mâle est récurremment mise en scène. […]

  4. […] Over the past couple of weeks, the Good Men Project has run a series of articles about men who have not felt sufficient pull towards the right thing. To be precise, they have raped. It began with Alyssa Royse’s now notorious piece entitled Nice Guys Commit Rape Too. I strongly criticised the piece here, as others did here and here, and in the face of criticism, and presumably in the hope it will act as a trump card in the argument, the GMP editors have made the extraordinary, offensive and entirely irresponsible decision to publish a piece by a self-confessed unconvicted rapist.   […]

  5. […] me in the casket. If you want public stories about the assaulted and assaulters, read this: I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying by Anonymous for The Good Men Project “With what I’ve learned as an adult, I’m […]

  6. […] And then The Good Men Project published a piece called “I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying.” […]

  7. […] The various articles that have appeared here on The Good Men Project regarding the topic of consent have started an intense and necessary conversation. I was originally satisfied to observe it from the sidelines—that is, until I learned that colleagues and contributors were targeted personally and, in my view, unfairly. I’m responding primarily to those who’ve taken issue with The Good Men Project’s decision to print the anonymous article titled I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Give Up Partying. […]

  8. […] one whose ‘mistake‘ involved raping a formerly flirtatious woman while she slept and another whose excessive partying and drinking convinced him that “a certain amount of rape” was […]

  9. […] extremely thought-provoking articles: I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying, and This is Why We Published a Rapist’s Story. Cancel […]

  10. […] piece at GMP, by Anonymous was not just bad, it was atrocious. Words fail […]

  11. […] The Good Men Project found and published a piece by a man who lives the partying lifestyle and appar… It’s very hard to read, not the least reason is because if he was a person discussing partying and driving (and how crashed cars, property damage and injuries were part of the price to pay) we’d all want his license revoked and his hide thrown in a rehab center/jail/counseling/home arrest for the potential damage to himself and others. Flat out. We’d not be worrying or wondering about sex, good times or however mostly because we don’t see sex in the same way we see drunk driving. […]

  12. […] Men Project’s decision to publish two recent pieces on rape: “Nice Guys Commit Rape Too” and “I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying.” The second piece is written by a ‘hard partier’ who admits to ignoring the concept of good […]

  13. […] Don’t want a few deaths (or sexual assaults) to get in the way of our lifestyle choice, right? […]

  14. […] I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying — The Good Men Project. Rate this:Share this:TwitterEmailPrintMoreStumbleUponDiggTumblrPinterestRedditFacebookGoogle +1LinkedInLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. This entry was posted in Uncategorized by jbizeau. Bookmark the permalink. […]

  15. […] to top it off, the next week The Good Men Project published an equally horrifying piece titled, “I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying.” The writer also stated that he’s “pretty sure I’m technically a rapist,” and that “In the […]

  16. […] Jill/Feministe/The Good Men Project brouhaha over TGMP’s two recent articles on rape (here and here), which included a ‘rapist’s perspective’ on the issue of consent. Jill Filipovic (and Yes […]

  17. […] and what constitutes rape.  The Good Men Blog was ripped to shreds for publishing two pieces, one by a man who was clearly an alcoholic and drug addict and who seemed to think that rape is an acceptable consequence, for both men and women, of […]

  18. […] solution? Escapism via partying. We’d hit the scene: someone’s house, a club, a restaurant, a music gig. We’d get to the […]

  19. […] least one person who drinks too much way too early and makes an idiot of themselves, and of course there’s always the potential of ending up in bed with someone at the end of the […]

  20. […] really take issue with that often, The Good Men Project (GMP). Yesterday, GMP published an admittedly fairly nauseating article by a man who has come to realize that in the course of his life of partying, he has likely […]

  21. […] as we have over the GMP’s decision to publish the account of an anonymous drug user who wrote, I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying. I defended this decision, saying that we must listen not just to the victims, but to the […]

  22. […] me in the casket. If you want public stories about the assaulted and assaulters, read this: I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying by Anonymous for The Good Men Project “With what I’ve learned as an adult, I’m […]

  23. […] to notice the existence of the mindset held by individuals like the anonymous author of “I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying.” My party crowd at the time consisted of pseudo-hippy ravers and whether the party was held […]

  24. […] Alcohol and drugs dissolve clear boundaries of consent. Mostly that works out okay. Sometimes it doesn't.  […]

  25. […] began to notice the existence of the mindset held by individuals like the anonymous author of “I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying.” My party crowd at the time consisted of pseudo-hippy ravers and whether the party was held at a […]

  26. […] article on GMP I’d Rather Risk Rape Than Quit Partying, The Good Men Project, December […]

  27. […] a while ago about an article called “I’d Rather Risk Rape than Quit Partying” ( and again, what our obligations are to other bodies and our own in regard to consumption of […]