Male Rape Survivors and Victim-Blaming

James A. Landrith addresses toxic myths about male rape survivors.

There is a lot of talk about victim-blaming, shaming and denial whenever the topic of rape, sexual assault or sexual abuse is discussed. No gender identification or age demographic is free from this mindset. Quite often, people don’t even realize that they are engaging in such practices. Some MRAs do it. Some feminists do it. Some human rights activists do it. Some Christians do it. Some Jews do it. Some Muslims do it. Some atheists do it. Some agnostics do it. Some Republicans do it. Some Democrats do it. Some Libertarians do it.

Some people, in general, do it.

While there is understandably a good deal of discussion surrounding how victim-blaming affects female rape survivors, many people are quick to dismiss the same when it affects male rape survivors. In some cases, well-meaning people will go so far as to co-opt the traumas of one gender to highlight a point about another gender in a very dismissive or minimizing manner. Periodically, a blogger will post a commentary that runs something to the effect of “see, when it happens to teh menz, it is always taken seriously, but never when it happens to women.” While I understand such pieces are meant to highlight the horrible nature of victim-blaming toward female rape survivors, the end result is that they have used a traumatic experience from one rape survivor to make the case that other rape survivors have it worse based solely on gender.

Rather than call out specific people who engage in such insensitive and hurtful practices, I will instead take some time to explore some key forms of victim-blaming that are often aimed at men. Please bear in mind that most of these have a parallel form that is directed at female rape survivors. I am not saying that only men deal with these forms of victim-blaming. Not at all. On the contrary, and unlike many who co-opt our experiences to make the false claim that only women suffer victim-blaming, I am saying such vile practices are ALSO directed at men, not SOLELY at men.

Victim-Blaming

Men Can’t Be Raped: This one is used by the densest of the dense without regard to gender. I’ve seen men AND women spout this nugget of wisdom on more than one occasion. Even if we take the most conservative estimates at face value, in the U.S. alone, that leaves nearly 3 MILLION male rape survivors.

Erections = Consent aka can’t rape a wet noodle: Anyone spouting this nonsense clearly failed biology. Erections can be forced quite easily and unexpectedly. Many men can attest to embarrassing incidents that involved the appearance of an unwanted erection. A simple touch can result in involuntary stimulation. While some men may have difficulty maintaining an erection after consuming several alcoholic drinks, this is hardly universal. Further, most healthy men experience erections while asleep and often upon waking up.

Contrary to the science and personal experiences of many male rape survivors, there are plenty of people who simply cannot grasp the concept of an involuntary erection. It is almost understandable that SO MANY women believe this nonsense to the degree that some will outright mock male survivors with this myth. They don’t have penises and as a result, this must all seem so simple in their heads. Really, I understand that. However, there are also a large number of morons who have no clue how their own penises work and just LOVE to broadcast that ignorance when they come across stories about male rape survivors. (sigh)

Men are Strong, aka He Should Have Fought Back: This one is actually quite common. While men are not asked what they were wearing, their physical strength and perceived ability to fight back are frequently used to invalidate. There is a ridiculous assumption that all men have the mad martial arts skills of Bruce Lee, tenacity of Charles Bronson in a Death Wish movie, and incredible calm of Clint Eastwood portraying Dirty Harry. Apparently, we are trained in hand-to-hand combat, weapons mastery, and How To Be Macho from birth. In reality, it is quite common for women AND men to freeze during a violent encounter. Quite often, the encounter is over without a single blow placed. Further, predators are skilled at finding ways to either nullify a person’s strengths or use them against their victim. My own rapist was very skilled in this regard.

A man raped him? He must have wanted it: This form of victim blaming is one part homophobia and one part He Should Have Fought Back. Men can overpower other men and do so regularly in physical altercations or by simply communicating a threat. Weapons are also used, as are threats against loved ones, blackmail and drugs or alcohol. The idea that all men can fight off all other men at all times defies logic and credulity. It is incredibly difficult to take a person seriously if they really believe this specious nonsense.

Women don’t commit sexual violence: While the stats most often quoted show extremely low numbers of female predation, the reality differs. Quite often the same act committed by a female as by a male is counted separately or not included in official tabulations at all depending on the statistical model. These models, with all of their obvious built-in bias, are then parroted around as if they are apples to apples comparisons of male and female predation. As such biases and outright distortions are often used to eliminate them from from data sets or intentionally isolate such data in lesser or hidden categories, we have no real idea of just how many female predators exist today. For those who believe this myth, perhaps it will be eye-opening to realize that you are reading an article written by a man who was drugged and raped by a woman. We exist and it is time for those truly interested in confronting sexual violence to stop promoting this ugly myth.

Why did you wait so long to report?: When I first told my story online, I was asked repeatedly why I waited so long to disclose and told breathlessly that it meant I was obviously lying. Those asking such questions, believed it to be some unassailable “gotcha”. When pressed to justify how that invalidated a person’s claims of victimization, they predictably could not defend the concept. Lack of logic and an inability to explain the relevance of their myth seems to matter none to those bent on victim-blaming and rape denial. Many survivors wait decades to confront their traumas as they were not ready at the time, had no support or lacked the ability to confront it. We all heal on our own timeframes. You can’t put a deadline on healing and expect it to occur magically.

You must be in it for the money: This ugliness was used against survivors of clergy abuse as well as against some women who named high profile men as their attackers. Were it not for the hard work of SNAP and other organizations who have kept pushing against predators of the cloth, this type of victim-blaming would stilll be occurring regularly to male survivors.

A New Perspective

Whenever the topic of sexual violence arises, it seldom takes long for the victim blaming, second guessing and concern trolls to show their wildly transparent hands. What a person who has not been confronted with trauma feels they would do in response to sexual violence is hardly evidence of anything other than their own arrogant ignorance. It is time to reject the excuses, “I wouldas” and apologia. Along with that, we need to scrap this insidious new meme that male survivors of sexual violence do not get victim-blamed. For those of us who have been on the receiving end, the truth is something else entirely. This is not a case of “What About Teh Menz” or whatever other sexist expression comes to mind, but an appeal to people to behave in a humane manner and refrain from further promotion of rape myths regarding male survivors.

Stop it. Stop it now.

 

Photo—Sad man from Shutterstock

Comments

  1. I agree with you 100%. Thank you again for coming to my defense and offering your support on Twitter, the day I tweeted about the woman in my therapist’s waiting room who assumed I was a rapist being treated and looked at me like I was filth; never occurred to her I’m a survivor of incest, CSA, and child sex trafficking by my own father. Her attitude and victim-blaming spiraled me into an ugly panic attack and suicidal thoughts on the way home that day. Your encouragement helped me so much, sir. Thank you for all that you do. – W.R.R. @RagMan_RIP

  2. James – what can one add to your well presented points – very bluntly made!

    As with so many things in life – Until people have walked the walk, their talk is of no real value!

    … and if some are of the view that some simply don’t get the concept of humanity – I was both bemused and not at all surprised by recent events around a video (YouTube) of a Six Year Old Child being filmed/made to perform oral sex – and some responding “I only saw one ridiculously lucky kid.”.

    The child was male – and the other party an adult female.

    So even Statutory Rape is about being “..one ridiculously lucky kid.” – and no doubt, that is just the first of a long line of comments to come from people who have NO idea!

  3. Agree 100%

    All Rape is Rape, regardless of the gender of the perpetrator / victim.

  4. Excellent article. I can hardly wait to see exactly what kind of B.S. the backlash consists of.

  5. Excellent article. Well done for speaking out.

  6. I think the thing that people would play the “see, when it happens to teh menz, it is always taken seriously, but never when it happens to women” tactic forget is that real people are affected by their nonsense. Real men and boys read and hear that crap, and it has real consequences. They may not talk to anyone else about what happened to them, they may not seek help, they may turn to hurting or killing themselves.

    This is not a game, and I wish the people who treat it like it is would realize that. Sometimes I think if they knew male survivors and saw what those men and boys go through that it would be a wake-up call. Of course, some of them would not be moved no matter what they saw.

  7. Thank-you for the article, it pains me to see some of those who support female anti-rape campaigns use such tactics.

  8. Christina says:

    Great article James! When I was speaking with a male about my rape the topic of male rape came up, and as usual this man just couldn’t understand such a thing. I enlightened him and sent him to your site for some much needed educating! Thanks for speaking out!

  9. Don’t know how you work in that industry and stay say sane James, knowing what you know about the covering up and so on.

  10. Great article! Thank you for bringing these issues further into the light, and especially for challenging the mythology of rape apologists.

  11. Thanks, James, for your courage in exposing this reality. I can’t help but think of the responsibility we have as a society to stop the rape that happens in our prisons and jails, the latter often to people who haven’t been even convicted of a crime. Saying that latter, I don’t mean to make less of the rape of those who have been convicted — no one in the US is/should be sentenced to being raped. A surprising percentage of prison rape is perpetrated by guards and staff.

  12. Thanks for a thought-provoking article. My first novel dealt with a male on male rape, and I find it interesting how furious some readers got – not about the rape, but that I dared to write it. For those who don’t believe it can happen, perhaps a read of that scene would provide a realistic scenario. I counseled victims for over a dozen years – and yes, men are victims too.

  13. As a survivor, I know how longstanding these biases have been. I confronted these things more than 30 years ago.

  14. thanks for sharing your story and for engaging in myth-busting as well.

  15. Wilhelmina de Jong says:

    Sadly, when it comes to victim blaming there is zero difference between men and women. Women who were raped are blamed, men who are raped get just as much blame.
    I don’t know there the writer get this from
    “see, when it happens to teh menz, it is always taken seriously, but never when it happens to women.”
    other than maybe wanting to include some finger pointing and pleasing a certain audience.
    When it happens to women, we are not taken seriously, but neither are men. The only advantage I see is that thanks to feminism rape is now an issue that can be discussed in the public and the whole issue now needs to be taken to the next level and male rape has to be addressed, too.

    But kudos for the writer to point out this one:
    “Contrary to the science and personal experiences of many male rape survivors, there are plenty of people who simply cannot grasp the concept of an involuntary erection.”
    I wish that one day they’ll teach such things in sex education which would help to create awareness. It is something that I often (desperately) tried to explain to other women when the topic of mass rape during war is discussed. Many times I’ve asked women if they really, really think a guy is turned on by a half-dead female who had just been raped by thirty others. Totally different topic than abuse but the same core issue of ‘all men are sexual predators’.
    It’s time to change this and we will be all better off if we manage.

  16. Wilhelmina,

    Where do I get ““see, when it happens to teh menz, it is always taken seriously, but never when it happens to women”? I get that from a small, but vocal group of extremists who are not promoting the myth that only women get victim-blamed while men get a free pass.

    I am tired of that lie and tired of hearing it from people who do not live with the daily effects of having been raped. Trying to please a certain audience? Nope. Those pushing that myth, clearly are appealing to a certain audience and it is time they cut it out. I give no one a free pass on victim-blaming and sexism.

  17. Wilhelmina de Jong says:

    James, I don’t know where this small, but vocal extremists hang out but this is something I’ve never come across and I read lots of feminist stuff. I honeslty find it weird and haven’t noticed it, but I’ll keep my eyes a bit more open.
    Can you literally point out and name some of these vocal extremists?
    From my experience (and yes, that is personal experience – not I have read somewhere, or heard from someone) neither women nor men are taken seriously in this matter.

    • Mark Neil says:

      You’ll find it most often on a site that is having a discussion about both rape and male privilege in the same article (or comments section of the article)… It tends to be an inevitable bleed of the two topics. This combination of topics makes it a little uncommon, though I’ve seen it here a time or two in the past.

  18. Wilhelmina, I guess you’re not reading Jezebel then:
    http://jezebel.com/5858079/what-if-penn-states-coach-had-victimized-girls
    Where Erin Gloria Ryan said that if Sandusky had abused and raped girls they would be victim blamed to a larger extent that the boys are.
    http://jezebel.com/5901998/german-woman-tries-to-hold-sexhausted-man-prisoner-in-her-apartment
    Where Doug Barry calls a man who was raped for sexhausted and implied that the rape was not quite rape (one simply does not use the phrase “had sex several more times with the woman who detained him” about rape!). Doug Barry then in an ironic twist goes on to imply that no-one would slut-shame the male victim or say that he was asking for it. Doug Barry is clearly trying to contrast that to how he thinks a female victim would be treated in the same circumstances.

    James Landrith has a critique of both these two posts on his blog: http://jameslandrith.com/content/view/3871/1/

    And then we have some feminist like Hugo Schqyzer who doesn’t think it’s rape when a woman puts a man’s penis in her vagina against his explicitly expressed wishes, Soroya Chemaly (who in an article on this site) wrote “There is a qualitative difference between saying men rape women and women rape men” and “Only men can stop rape.”. They are in effect arguing for taking men’s rape less serious and in particular Chemaly came off as arguing that individual stories of men’s rape by women were taken too seriously and detracted from rape of women (“Raising the specter of women raping boys implies a false equivalence and doesn’t help us understand and change a culture where rape—the power, the crime, the threat, and the jokes—is acceptable.”).

    You are certainly right that in reality victim blaming occurs both women and men. But there is a lot of discourse around victim blaming of women and how that is wrong (slut-walk to mention one high-profile) while discourse around victim blaming of men is almost completely absent. In a large part due to the fact that most people don’t think men get raped – at least not in any significant numbers. Those people should read the NISVS 2010 Report and look at the stats for “being made to penetrate someone else” the last 12 months. 1.1% of surveyed men reported this. In the same 12 months 1.1% of the surveyed women said they were raped. Not insignificant numbers at all.

  19. That was a really great article. Thank you for sharing. I admit that I have thought some of those things myself, and I still tend not to think of men when I discuss sexual assault. It really helps to be reminded of the real numbers of male victims (over 3 million!), and hear stories like yours to remember that this really happens and deserves just as much attention as the sexual assault of women. It’s scary the things that otherwise smart people can be convinced of. I will keep you, and this article in mind from now on when I think or talk about sexual assault. Thank you again!

    I don’t suppose anyone knows of any documentaries or books that focus on the stories of male rape survivors?

  20. Thank you for this article. You have inspired my impending uni essay. There has to be a way to get men to feel they can be as open and (too a degree) understood as women when they talk about their experiences in life. Equality has a long way to go on both sides.

  21. Disclaimer: I am a female and have never been a victim of rape. So I can only speak from that perspective.

    First let me state that rape is wrong. Always. No matter the age / sex of the victim.

    That said, it is also disingenuous to pretend that people *never* lie about rape. Some people do lie about rape for a variety of reasons. That has been proven. And some (mostly men) have gone to jail over these lies. Some (again, mostly men) have been killed over these lies.

    As to CSA and other abuse of children: Child sexual abuse is, of course, despicable.

    That said, we also know that memory is far from perfect and we now know about implanted / false memories. We know that children and even adults can have false memories implanted and, indeed, some people have had memories implanted of sexual abuse that didn’t occur. We now know the problems of suggestibility during hypnosis that can produce false memories. We now know that eye witness testimony, one of the previous gold standards of evidence, is fraught with problems of reliability. Then there is the issue of prosecutorial / police misconduct to further their own agendas. Not to mention the problems of reporting in the media and the near-mass hysteria that can ensue.

    And, as always, some people lie. For attention. For revenge. For financial gain. Whatever.

    My point is that we all need to be supportive of education, prosecution, and other aspects of rape. But, we should not, in the process and for our own agendas, ignore the real fact that people can lie and/or be mistaken.

    It is about justice. But it’s also about innocent until proven guilty and the reliability and admissibility of evidence.

    • Why are you pointing this out?

      The poster is pointing out some of the big Male Rape Culture Myths. Calling rape victims liars is one of them.

      As a rule of thumb, female rape victims get disbelieved and shunned, just like male rape victims. There are easier ways of getting at someone than pretending that you were raped.

      Also the average sexually abused child has to tell three people before they find an adult who will stop the abuse. We need to take sexual violence more seriously, and calling the survivors liars doesn’t help.

      • I also am not sure why you are rebutting my post. My making the points I did was mainly to point out that rape is a multi-faceted issue. I don’t think the points you make and the points I make are mutually exclusive.

        People who are raped are sometimes not believed and even blamed for what happened to them. That is clearly wrong. Nothing I wrote argues that point.

        However, in rushing in to defend victims (particularly children) of rape, supporters and some professionals have committed different and IMO more pernicious sins such as implanting false memories and making claims that children and women *never* lie about rape.

        “Children never lie about such things.” [Ergo all claims about rape from children are true.] Yes, I remember reading such hogwash back in the 1980s. To this day, I know people who still believe it. Such claims are obviously uninformed, no matter how well-intentioned.

        Can you see that such uninformed views do not help the cause of actual victims of rape? Anyone making such a claim is going to lose overall credibility. It’s a variation of the fable about the boy who cried wolf. When some people lie about rape and/or have memories implanted in their brains and they accuse innocent people, it makes it more likely that real victims won’t be believed.

        IMO, if anything can approach the horror of being raped, it would be being accused of rape / child rape when one is completely innocent. And that sort of thing has happened and continues to happen. Innocent people have been sent to jail and families have been ruined.

        Such abuses of the criminal justice system sap time, money, and energy from prosecuting actual rapists.

        Does that clarify for you why I pointed it out?

        • Though the points may in fact be valid. They are not addressing the points that the poster. It seems to be saying that all those points made are fine and well; but rather than acknowledge, accept and validate the posters point of view – it appears to gloss over them and change the topic.
          However that does serve to make the point the poster was making about male survivors feeling not heard; believed or validated.

        • Katie Hoffman says:

          I don’t understand why you (Karen) are even bringing up the subject of lying, since it’s not really what’s at issue in Landrith’s post. He does not once make the claim or “pretend” that people never lie about rape. He says “many” and “in some cases,” and when he talks about why he took so long to come out about the abuse, he is describing the responses to this telling. He is not saying that he knew for sure everyone thought he was lying. I’m irritated that this article could be so misread, considering he spends time talking about misunderstanding and lack of understanding, and the dangers of ignorance and snap-responses.

        • xmaseveeve says:

          Hell no. Rape is not a multi-faceted issue. It’s a criminal offence. False memory syndrome is known about now and guarded against.

          • fucked my life up foe 30 years!! men never talk about it, my abuser is still doing it , i feel so guilty for not stoping him!!

            • penny white says:

              It breaks my heart that you feel guilty. If you had reported him, you probably would have been retraumatized and disbelieved. It is not your responsibility to stop the abuser. It is only your responsibility to get the help and healing YOU need. Please take care of yourself.

            • Michael, I agree with Penny White; thank you for this comment so much, Penny White. I means a lot to me to hear it. Reporting abusers should only be done if the victim wants to, chooses to and is ready and able to. Without those conditions, others pressuring victims to report are retraumatizing them.

      • Mark Neil says:

        Mike: “Why are you pointing this out?”
        Katie: “I don’t understand why you (Karen) are even bringing up the subject of lying,”

        I suspect it is triggered by the section “You must be in it for the money:”, which presents making financially motivated accusations as a non-possibility. False accusations can be made for a very large number of reasons, including financial (didn’t a girl who had a guy jailed for 5 years just confess (unintentionally) to lying? Did she not get $1.5 million out of a settlement with the school? She was underage/a child. So was another age 13-14 girl a year back that accused her teacher because he gave her a bad grade.), and our society is loathe to prosecute such false allegations (again, said women wasn’t prosecuted, wasn’t even required to give back the money). So while I think the point may have come earlier in the general conversation than would be expected, it is relevant to what was said in the article.

    • Anthony Zarat says:

      Q: Is doubting the victim the same as blaming the victim?
      A: Yes. It is not possible to question credibility without bringing up past behavior (short, medium, and long term).

      Q: When is it OK to doubt (ie blame) the victim?
      A: Only in the process of determining the guilt or innocence of a possible perpetrator.

      There is no criminal case here. No indictment. No trial. Consequently, it is not OK to question Mr. Landrith.

      • (Disclaimer: Most of this is nothing personal against Mr. Landrith, just some statements of general principle.)

        To answer the first question, doubting is NOT the same as blaming the victim. It’s just a way to suspend judgment and keep an open mind to make sure all the facts are gathered as well as possible.

        It is totally appropriate to question / doubt everyone, or at least suspend judgment about his/her statement until further information is gathered. I’m pretty sure that’s how cops are supposed to approach the gathering of evidence. Plus this method is consistent with a cornerstone of our legal system which is “innocent until proven guilty”.

        Below are some points to consider, in general, about believability of human testimony. I am going to make some of these statements without much discussion / verification because they seem firmly established scientifically. But if someone wants to discuss them, I’ll consider it if such discussion is likely to be fruitful.

        1. Human perception is inherently imperfect. Yes, some people will “get” things more clearly than others. But it is impossible to know, without more information, who those people are.

        2. Human memory is inherently imperfect. Not only is memory constantly being “upgraded” and rearranged, but we also know that it can be completely distorted.

        3. Human communication is imperfect. Think of the childhood game of “telephone”. Each person may think he is telling the next person exactly what he heard, but nevertheless the story often emerges at the end totally unrecognizable from what it was when it started.

        4. Humans lie. For a variety of reasons. Sometimes they don’t even know that they’re lying – see #1 – and they will come to believe their lies as true.

        5. When there are two sides of the story, it is important to get the other side of the story. That doesn’t mean that one side is lying and the other is telling the truth. But it does help to get another perspective.

        6. As to #4 and #5 above, people who have an agenda (their job, their reputations, their legal status, money, their self-esteem, their self-view) have an incentive to lie. Especially to themselves. We all do this. It’s human nature.

        6. Psychologists, psychiatrists, and other therapists are known to influence the perceptions and memories of their clients – either consciously or unconsciously. Even without such egregious frauds as “repressed memory”, facilitated communication, and some aspects of hypnotherapy, massive experimentation proves that what therapists say and how they say it can alter clients’ memories of what happened. Even the action of receiving “therapy” works to alter a person’s perception / memories.

        7. The longer the time that elapses between an event and its reporting, the less reliable is the reporting. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE PERSON IS LYING. It just means that we know that memory tends to erode with the passage of time. Beyond that, the more time that elapses, the less likely that objective data can be found to corroborate or refute the “eye witness” report. This is the major reason that we have statues of limitations in law for most crimes.

        8. Scientists know that the “strength” of how much a person believes his memory is true is not correlated with whether or not the memory is realistic.

        Allegations of rape, or any serious crime, should be taken seriously. But that does NOT mean that any and all such allegations should immediately be believed. As I think I have noted in every previous post, one person’s allegation is just one piece of the evidence. And it should be treated in a manner consistent with what we know is the value of human testimony ACROSS THE BOARD.

        Just because there is no criminal case, there IS an allegation of a crime (in this example). Regardless, it is a non sequitur to jump to the conclusion that there would be no incentive to lie or distort in such a case. Or just to be mistaken.

        • Anthony Zarat says:

          You misunderstand me.

          Of course it is possible that Mr. Landrith may be mistaken. It is possible he may be lying. It is possible that the objective “truth” is something entirely different, neither a mistake nor a lie, but also not a truth.

          So what? Mr. Landrith is asking for help.

          Assume that his assailant had no criminal intent, and the assault was the result of mis-communication. So what? Mr. Landrith still needs help.

          Assume that he is mentally unstable and deluded. So what? Mr. Landrith still needs help.

          Assume that he is intentionally deceptive and lying. So what? Mr. Landrith still needs help.

          The reason for this is: this topic involves a “special” kind of victim. I don’t have time to explain it fully.

    • I’m a queer woman who was raped by another queer woman. It was a date rape. There was alcohol involved. I came up against so much “What could a girl even DO to another girl? Ha ha”. from my psychiatrist, men and from other bisexual and straight women. It was really traumatizing. The woman who raped me was visiting from another country and was the best friend of a woman I had dated overseas. I just never spoke to either one of them for years. Finally I told my ex gf about it so that she’d be aware that she had a sexual predator in her lesbian community and so that she’d know why I had cut her off after having been such dear friends. I’m fairly certain that nothing would have happened had I reported it. If my shrink didn’t think it could happen why would the cops? At the time I wasn’t even sure I had been raped. The bruises and the blood and the black out and the shock were all there and I had to tell two friends every detail to even know myself that something had been wrong. It was like I was so programmed to believe that women didn’t rape other women. I feel for you. Take care and keep on keeping on.

      • Hi Ms Anhrope:
        You may be interested to know there are advocates working on the issue of lesbian rape.
        Look up the documentary: She stole my voice.

        Per one of the factoids presented on the short promotional video for the movie 1/3rd of lesbians report being raped by a woman who was not necessarily her partner. In the promotional video, it also looks like a number of mental health professionals and the uniform reaction is one of disbelief (resulting in a lack of care and services for survivors as you mentioned).

        • There was also a recent Radar Blip on this issue in the UK – Minor Celebrity news coverage – but a relief to see a hidden issue being brought out of the dark.

          ‘I dodged a date-rape drug attack by two lesbians’

          I object to the whole lesbian focus that keeps being raised when it’s female rapists. It acts to downplay the issues and make it all about Lesbians and Lesbianism – as if Lesbians are in some way a “Different Type” of female. It’s a very subtle (and even not subtle) form of Homophobia and Othering!

          Each time the response is “yes it happens but there is this Overwhelming…” Trope to dismiss you with – well the abuse and abusers are well entrenched and self defensive to a staggering degree – blind to their own belligerence and antipathy to others reality.

          I’m also not surprised by the denial of issue and events – and the denial of both victims and perpetrators – because it undermines a great many Tropes and Political positions propagated over many decades. It also blows certain misguided ideas out of the water such as “ONLY men can stop rape” – which would appear to advocate men intruding upon the lives of every Lesbian to stand guard. Some really need to consider the logic of their own stupidity and where it leads.

          Also there has been the Overwhelming coverage of Corrective Rape in Africa since the murder of Eudy Simelane in 2008 – Trial 2009 – Interpol going on the record 2009, saying South Africa is the the rape capital of the world – and then the term “Corrective Rape” made it into the lexicon.

          Mention Corrective Rape and you are met with Overwhelming Indignation – mention Lesbian rape By lesbians and you are met with Overwhelming Incredulity and Victim dismissing denial. Such a bizzare Trope and reification of the only men rape meme – so Orwell and Animal Farm “Testicles Bad, Ovaries Good.”.

          The patterns just keep on disenfranchising any person targeted or victimised by a female rapist – and empowers behaviour that is supposedly socially abhorrent and unacceptable to supposedly intelligent and concerned individuals who have terribly fashionable social consciences on display – in the latests seasons colours. The Rape Apologia, Denial and Victim abuse is disgusting – and all in the name of the Overwhelming Trope and Fashion.

      • Did you have vaginal or bleeding/bruising of you external genitalia? I ask because, ff you blacked out, how do you know you were raped? From the symptoms you report (bruises and blood), it would seem that the *evidence* points to being beat up and/or involved in a fight. Unless the bleeding was from the vaginal area which would be very strong evidence of rape.

        I am NOT being unsympathetic to rape and I do not automatically disbelieve people who report being raped. It’s just that I don’t throw the rules of evidence out the window just because rape is claimed. Rape is a serious charge and, since *some* people do lie or are mistaken about rape, folks charged with rape should be afforded the same legal protections as every other person *accused* of a crime. To do otherwise is, in my world, as big a travesty of all that is just and good as is rape.

      • Miss Anthrope,

        I believe you. I’m not a knee-jerk skeptic. There are several men and women posting here who have experienced sexual violence at the hands of a woman. You are telling your story on a magazine article. This is not a court of law and no charges have been filed here or names published. Knee-jerk skepticism (which can resemble fundamentalist religious belief) is illogical in such an environment.

        You are among allies here.

  22. Okay, my disclaimer is that I am a female survivor of rape.

    I found this article to be a really well written attempt to discuss some of the issues that face male survivors of rape. I liked how the article at no point implied that what happens to women doesn’t matter or shouldn’t be dealt with but rather took a more helpful approach of trying to talk about a problem that many people just don’t want to talk about.

    It didn’t talk about whether people lie about being raped or not, it was a tactiful and intelligent article about the problems people who ~are~ raped faced. I have known quite a few survivors of rape (some of them men) and they’ve talked to me about similar things that they have been told or similar reasons why they haven’t talked to the authorities etc about what happened to them.

    I have never been a man who was raped. I have my own seperate experiences but I really think that the sexual violence that men experience shouldn’t be discounted and I thought this was a really well-done article. I wish that the author hadn’t gone through what he did (obviously) and I wish that we lived in a world where rape and sexual violence simply didn’t exist but that isn’t the world that we live in and it is heartening seeing that experience used to draw attention to something that is so often ignored.

  23. I am a woman and a rape victim. Obviously, my opinion isn’t objective.

    My case didn’t end up in court because there wasn’t enough evidence for a jury to condemn my attackers “beyond all reasonable doubt”. A lot of people would think I deserved what happened to me because of all these rape myths that women and men survivors have to live with.

    The truth is that very few people lie about rape. Having been through the long and heavy procedure of reporting a rape and the very disagreeable forensic examination, reliving the experience again and again, I do not see how a healthy person could lie about being raped.

    I see your point. But Mike is right, calling survivors liars doesn’t help and there are a lot of ways of getting at someone other than lying about rape.

    This “justice” fails to prosecute 94% of attackers in the UK, where I live, for the reasons you have stated. This isn’t right.

    • Helena,

      The truth is that very few people lie about rape … calling survivors liars doesn’t help and there are a lot of ways of getting at someone other than lying about rape.

      I’ve been falsely accused of rape. I was 18 and my accuser was 16. We had broken up and she falsely accused me in order to punish me/get me back. Luckily the case did not go all the way to court because I had an alibi and was able to retrieve voicemails which I showed to her attorney as proof that she was lying. But she sticks by her story, even today, and the entire experience was scarring. I had a hard time trusting women after that. Maybe even today… If you search around, you should be able to find the article I wrote here at TGMP about it.

      So that’s where I’m coming from.

      But I don’t doubt that false allegations are more rare than actual rape. That said, I AM wary because people WILL abuse the system in place, even though it’s meant to ensure actual victims are protected. Moreover this system is primarily designed to help female victims and punish male rapists. As of yet it hasn’t proven remotely adequate when dealing with male victims and female rapists. Or even when both are male, or both are female. When I hear that we’re not doing enough for female victims with male victimizers, I can’t help but laugh and cry because that means everyone else is faring even worse.

      Clearly there needs to be something done about these abuses. But I’ll be damned if I know what.

      • for every psychotic person making up allegations, there’s many folks, including many men, who say nothing at all.

        best friend got slipped date rape drug, woke up on the side of the highway in her car, no idea how she was there. I begged her to tell the cops but she wouldn’t…
        another friend was raped in church by an older kid, again, she didn’t tell anyone, because she felt responsible.

        After I got raped, the questions [not by cops, by my buddies] I was asked were:
        -Why didn’t you fight back?
        -why were you out that late at night?
        -what race was he?

        I am so lucky the cops believed me. I want to think cops get a sense of who is faking it, and who’s not. it’s worth pointing out that you didn’t get prosecuted, so for me and you both, the system did work.

    • Mark Neil says:

      “The truth is that very few people lie about rape. ”

      You don’t know that. You presume it because it makes you feel better. It is easier to believe men (like the one that raped you) are evil and unwilling to help you, than it is to believe that a large number of women used your pain to try and push their own personal agenda. Fact is, and you even admit it…

      “This “justice” fails to prosecute 94% of attackers in the UK, where I live, for the reasons you have stated. This isn’t right.”

      Just to correct, that 94% of allegations, not attackers, that makes the assumption nobody lies. 2% of that number is CONFIRMED (and acknowledged by feminist activists) as malicious, which demonstrates, right there, the damage false allegations does to women. It helps undermine your confidence in justice, as you just included known, confirmed maliciously false accusers as victims who failed to get justice. And the fact remains, the remaining 92% are unknown. Most are recanted, which is often blamed on an evil man strongarming the “victim” and never attributed to liars getting in touch with their conscience.

      So the fact is, you can, at best, say that only 1/4 of all reported rapes where the outcome is known for certain are false allegations, and I would call that “very few”. Any assumptions beyond this statement are just that, assumptions.

      • Mark Neil says:

        PS, I’m also pretty sure that statistic is for convictions of allegation rate, not prosecution.

  24. Any system can be abused. There will never be a foolproof anything in this world. Rape victims need to be believed, and of course we must always use reason. If people were willing to simply withhold judgment, be supportive, and keep an open mind until they see how situations play out, many of these issues would never arise.

    • Mrs. Searching,

      Sorry, but I’m skeptical of utopian-based solutions. How do we resolve he-said she-said cases? How do we withhold judgement — essentially refuse to believe a rape-victim/follow innocent till proven guilty for the accused — and simultaneously be supportive of either or both parties? In either case, one person has been victimized: a victim of rape or a victim of horrendous false allegations. “Wait and see” doesn’t seem sufficient for those involved in the prosecution, defense, and overall work of dealing with these cases. Moreover, as a community we can’t simply “wait and see” because to do so conveys the message that we don’t care.

      I don’t mean to knock you personally, but I’m confused as to how you see your advice playing out in real world situations.

    • Mark Neil says:

      AKA, guilty until proven innocent, with the caveat that the accused can not be proven innocent through the questioning of the alleged victims account. I’m curious, aside from dumb luck (for example being at a bank machine across town, that has a camera, at the very right moment)or recording yourself 24/7 using video surveillance equipment, GPS, etc., How can one prove their innocence regarding an action they never committed? This is a question I’ve always wanted to ask a “a victim should be believed” (and this statement includes false accusers as “victims” remember, as they made an allegation and should be believed)

  25. kayemmdee says:

    Let me clarify something here. Even though I have never been raped, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t an important issue for me. My own mother was not only raped, but beaten by her rapists. Yes, that’s right: rapists with an “s” on the end.

    My mother was raped several times during her life because she was disabled and therefore vulnerable. Her first rape was at 17 (by her best friend’s cousin), resulting in a pregnancy and an illegal abortion. The police never investigated the crimes against my mother because it would have been her word against theirs. Including one time I recall when she returned home, black and blue from being beaten by her rapist – as if anyone consents to being beaten up.

    So, yeah, no one here has a monopoly on this being a personal issue for him/her.

    I’ll state it once again in case I haven’t been able to make myself clear: I think rapists should have the book thrown at them. But here’s where I seem to part ways with some of the rest of you. I don’t think alleged rapists should be prosecuted at the expense of throwing the rules of evidence and civil liberties out the window. And promoting proven untruths (“Kids never lie about sexual abuse”) does not do any good for the cause and, in fact, makes it more difficult for actual rape victims.

    The testimony of people who claim to be rape victims should be considered as ONE piece of evidence. Because as pointed out by me and at least one other person on this list, some people do lie about being raped. Wrongful allegations of rape are not, in spite of what has been lapped up by victims’ rights groups, a rarity.

    Here’s some info on the issue of fraudulent allegations of rape:

    A U.S. Air Force study, “The False Rape Allegation in the Military Community (1983) investigated 556 cases of alleged rape, and found a 60% rate of false accusations. As part of the study, women who were found to have made false accusations were asked “WHY?”

    Motivations (percentage) given by the women who acknowledged they had made false accusations:
    revenge – 20
    compensate for feelings of guilt or shame – 20
    thought she might be pregnant – 13
    to conceal an affair – 12
    to test husbands’ love – 9
    mental/emotional disorder – 9
    to avoid personal responsibility – 4
    failure to pay, or extortion – 4
    thought she might have caught VD- 3
    other – 6

    According to a Washington Post article, “Unfounded Rape Reports Baffle Investigators” (6/27/1992) reported motivations to falsely accuse men of rape. Anger toward boyfriends was common. One woman’s boyfriend spent 13 months in jail before she acknowledged that she had lied. One woman accused her newspaper delivery man of raping her at gunpoint because she needed an excuse to be late to work.

    Neither woman was prosecuted or even reprimanded for lying to the police and attempting to have a man frivolously imprisoned. In a recent US case, police say a young woman who admitted to falsifying two rape reports only wanted a day off from work.

    Financial incentives: In the UK, the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority (CICA) orivudes a monetary incentive to lie. Under this scheme, Britain pays crime victims, including women who claim they’ve been raped, money as “compensation.” The alleged rapes need not have involved violence to trigger the payments.

    The compensation system has been subjected to rampant fraud, and women have falsely cried rape in order to collect. To make matters worse, Britain does not compensate men for the harm they suffer after being falsely accused, no matter how blatant the lie or the personal cost to the men.

    And a few more web sites you might want to refer to:

    http://www.falserape.net/falserapesociety.htm

    http://www.falserape.net/false-rape.htm

    The well-intentioned but misguided ideology of some people on this list, including those of you who have been raped, should not cloud your mind to the reality that the rules of evidence that apply to all crimes should not be ignored in the case of rape.

  26. While the fact that people lie about rape should be discussed I think this article was trying to start a different discussion about men who ~have~ been raped and have been invalidated at every turn. It’s not about people who have ~lied~ about being raped. It’s about men who ~have~. Why is it so difficult to talk about why people blame innocent people who were raped and easier to talk about why there are a portion of people who lie about it? That wasn’t what the article was touching on at all. Actually it never came up because that’s a different conversation.

  27. I see Slutwalk Mississauga has linked to this article on facebook with the statement…
    “SlutWalk is gender-inclusive. While we recognize that women are disproportionately affected by sexual violence, it’s important to examine and acknowledge the very particular set of challenges and barriers faced by male victims of sexual violence.”

    James, maybe we need to add butwomengetitworse tactics to the list, that incessant need for some people to state first and foremost that women get it worse as a tactic to minimize the severity of male sexual violence victimzation. I find it extremely offensive when this happens from organizations and official statements like this, there is NO NEED to mention women getting it worse. Considering how many times I’ve seen members on similar pages get very offended by the whataboutthemenz derailing I am completely baffled why they though butwomengetitworse was an acceptable start to talking about an article of men. It’s tactics like these that leave me trusting them LESS and feel even more alienated.

    • Archy,

      Co-sign. And if I might add, Slutwalks have a notorious problems with racism — protestors holding up signs with the N-word, comparing women to them, which leads to the question: what about Black women? Slutwalks are also a class-based protest, something only middle to upper class women can effectively access. (Coincidentally, these women are also White.) Never a care about poor women in their communities, or religious women (i.e. Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and yes, even Christians) in theirs and what they might think. Slutwalk’s privilege is oppressive in that it assumes all women want to reclaim the word “slut”, when in fact women from nearly every community outside of mainstream White feminism has voiced opposition to that movement.

      Sadly, far too many people in gender movements are ignorant of these realities.

      So yeah, co-sign and +1.

      • Yeah there have been some troubles. It just disappoints me that there is this need to state women get it worse, I feel that only divides us even more.

  28. By the way, this article has been linked to and quoted by Andrew Sullivan and several Slutwalk orgs have forwarded it on as well:

    http://andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com/2012/04/how-many-women-rape-men.html

    Hopefully, that will help change a few minds with regard to victim-blaming as it is employed against male survivors.

  29. ht tp://www.news.com.au/weird-true-freaky/man-left-crying-in-the-street-after-being-trapped-by-german-nymphomaniac/story-e6frflri-1226343287504?from=public_rss
    Isn’t this rape?

    • Archy

      Yup it’s Rape – Kidnap – forced detention … and quite a lot more.

      The Comments on the UK Daily Mail are also very informative!

      Victim Blaming – Victim Shaming – ….

      Some examples:

      “These idiots went voluntarily and they KNEW what they were going to her place for! I’m still laughing at this!” – Raul, T-Town,

      “Oh stop with the “rape” comments. All she did was “demand” more, not force them. They could have easily walked out of the apartment. A woman cannot rape a man, no matter what PC nonsense wants us to believe.” – Deana, London, England,

      “I’m Coming Fraulein…lol” – Tony, Notts, UK,

      “Yes, one first class ticket to Munich please.” – Rob, Atlanta, Georgia, USA,

      It’s funny how the UK Daily Mail makes sure it is none geographic and indexed by Google Globally as a news source. They love to run stories that invite global comments – and as such push up their page views and revenue globally. Call me Cynical – but I fear someone is Profiting from matters at other peoples expense.

      Mind you – you should read the comments on Huffington … or maybe not!

      • Yeah, lot’s of women in that Daily Mail comment section don’t believe that men can’t be raped, mostly because they don’t recognize the double standard. Even when the situation is laid clear out. The short sighted men in that comment section are putting themselves at an increased risk with the attitude they display while the women who can’t believe that men can be raped put others at risk. Some level of awareness that one is capable of doing an act is a necessity in order to avoid doing that act. In essence one could say that nothing but circumstances are stopping these women from raping men. It certainly isn’t because they think it’s wrong.

    • jameseq says:

      yes archy, media and tamen most of the replies to the articles about the two rapes by the nympho… nympho, wtf??? the alleged rapist, have been disgusting.

  30. Lately Feministe ran a piece about raping men (like, a woman having sex with a sleeping man is not actually rape).
    http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2012/09/19/is-it-rape-if-you-dont-mean-for-it-to-be-rape/#comment-527744

    Have a look what Amanda Marcotte wrote about this :
    “It’s…..possible that he was asleep.

    The likelier possibility is he was awake the whole time and lying about it in order to screw with her sense of reality. Additionally, he can make her feel both guilty and humiliated, putting him in a Position of power over her.

    Gas lighting is the likelier explanation. Yes, it’s a weird, elaborate mind fuck, but hey, it’s not weirder than the guy whose girlfriend wrote to Captain Awkward becaus he’s controlling and humiliating her by not letting her use their bathroom”

    • Well Wirbelwind – I am still amazed at Ms Amanda Marcotte and her ongoing conduct.

      To Paraphrase:”Can’t a few women rape their boyfriends anymore without Amanda Marcotte getting all wound up about it – reinventing reality and making it all the man’s fault – or worse?”

      1) Amanda Marcotte decides what is reality – to fit her agenda,
      2) Amanda Marcotte tells a woman who says she raped her boyfriend that she did not and is evidently mistaken …. Amanda Marcotte and her Mystical Crystal Balling Blog can see the truth and you had better believe it!
      3) Amanda Marcotte then invents a “Factitious” Reality where the rape victim was feigning sleep – allowed themselves to be raped (So It was Not Rape and consensual) – then used this situation with “Mens Rea” – Malice aforethought – premeditated intent to Gaslight the woman as a way of controlling her in a manner that can only be seen as Sociopathic…
      4) Amanda Marcotte (Playing the supposed expert with her degree in English Literature) throws in the idea that Statistics and Research agrees with her inventions – but of course does not provide any evidence that such stats or research exists – or even where it may be found!
      5) Amanda Marcotte claims that her views and ideas are more likely than reported reality – but she does not provider any research or Stats which support that claim.
      6) Amanda Marcotte runs away when she is challenged and the irrationality – absurdity – abusiveness of her ideas – comments – blogging is pointed out and addressed – her running away and retreating is a well recognised pattern.

      I have been concerned about Amanda Marcotte’s bizzare behaviour and views in the past. I have also given the benefit of the doubt. Now there is no doubt – she is dangerous, disingenuous and disturbing. Her thinking and claim are disordered – promote antisocial views – and when the pattern is recurrent it shows that it is a fixed and central part of her personality.

      She also shows an interesting pattern of cycling from possible rational ways to Irrational extremism – She either has a long pendulum for her swinging from one extreme to another – or her behaviour is seasonal – it is odd how her views and ideas get more extreme as day length shortens – making it necessary to ask, is she a SAD case?

      What did she say – anyone who defends or excuses rapists is “rape-loving scum.” – so nice to know that Ms Marcotte is now on the side of the Duke Lacrosse Team … and has become such an Avid Fan!

      • Mostly123 says:

        In my opinion, Amanda Marcotte is a figure of divisiveness and discord by her own design more than by consequence. Building consensus takes effort and patience, and often it means conceding something to someone who you don’t even like. But friction generates friction, and that’s energy; energy gets noticed, not consensus. If Marcotte were a bit more introspective, she might realize how she often comes off as a biased, self-righteous ideologue to others outside her clique. Marcotte is all cynicism and scathing condescension, all posturing and sarcasm – more concerned about scoring points than making points. But in the end, I don’t think that concerns her one wit. On the contrary, she doesn’t have any desire to be impartial, because, really, impartiality ain’t cool.    
          
        To quote a wiser writer than myself: “Maybe that’s what cool is – withdrawing from the context of one’s life into an artificial one, in which the cool perceive itself to be somehow outside of reality, looking in and commenting on it. But this isn’t insight: It’s not reflecting on the world. It’s standing at the edge of the world sniping into it.”

        Amanda Marcotte is where the age of identity politics meets the age of the perpetual campaign.
        Sorry, I’m feeling pessimistic today, so that’s how I see it.  

  31. John Anderson says:

    When it comes to believing victims of rape, they should always be believed when receiving victim’s services. They can’t victimize anyone else directly although you might make an argument about the waste of resources, it would be far worse to deny an actual victim of rape victim’s services than it would be to provide counseling for someone who (in theory) doesn’t need it.

    During the initial phase of a criminal complaint, victims should also be believed. If police don’t initially believe the victim by default, how can they honestly investigate the allegation? If they find inconsistencies or outright fabrications, they could forward that to the DA . The DA could determine if it’s not prosecutable or if there is cause to file a charge of filing a false police report.

    When it comes to the actual prosecution, I can see doubting rape victims. It’s hard to give rape victims the benefit of the doubt, while still providing the accused the presumption of innocence.

  32. “While the stats most often quoted show extremely low numbers of female predation, the reality differs”

    No, it doesn’t. Women can rape men but it is extremely rare. Only 4% of registered sex offenders are female. 96% are male. Ask the justice department. Under-reporting can’t account for such a huge gap. You are biased because of your own experience. You just don’t want to admit the truth.

    “Were it not for the hard work of SNAP and other organizations who have kept pushing against predators of the cloth, this type of victim-blaming would stilll be occurring regularly to male survivors.”

    Uh, both male and female victims are often accused of lying, so why are you saying it only applies to “male survivors”?

    • Oh really? in a one year period 40% of rapists were female as per the CDC statistics. The majority of rape men face is perpetrated by female perpetrators. You can find this info if you look in the CDC NISVS 2010 full report, however they call “forced to penetrate” as other sexual violence and not rape (a stupid bias).

      Just because the justice department (well known to be biased against men) doesn’t get many female sex offenders doesn’t mean they exist, a lot do not report their abuse. In a one year period equal numbers of men n women were raped, 40% of those rapists were female, and you want to say it’s rare?

      Read the statistics and you might realize the truth is very different to what you say, there is a huge difference between reported abuse and those charged for the crime. Society still doesn’t understand on the whole that women can rape men, pretty much everyone I talk to thinks women can’t rape men.

    • X,

      With regard to your inaccurate use of the word “rare” (which has a defined meaning with regard to statistical analysis), Archy has done a good job of answering those comments.

      With the regard to your claim that I stated only male rape survivors are accused of lying – you are flat-out LYING. No where in my article did I make any such claim. This article is ABOUT MALE SURVIVORS, not FEMALE SURVIVORS. I was talking about what MALE SURVIVORS experience, not what FEMALE SURVIVORS experience or don’t experience. I clearly and explicitly stated this in my opening paragraphs:

      “Please bear in mind that most of these have a parallel form that is directed at female rape survivors. I am not saying that only men deal with these forms of victim-blaming. Not at all. On the contrary, and unlike many who co-opt our experiences to make the false claim that only women suffer victim-blaming, I am saying such vile practices are ALSO directed at men, not SOLELY at men.”

      How in the world does stating that something ALSO happens to men suddenly equal saying it ONLY happens to men????? I can’t wrap my head around that bit of nonsense, no matter how hard I try.

  33. penny white says:

    I thought this was an important and well-written article. What saddens me is the number of commenters who disregarded the substance of the article and went off on their own personal rants about false memory and false accusations. If you have these concerns, write your own damn article. This article was about the very important issue of the shaming and invisibility of male rape survivors. I think the author’s points were proven in the comments section: people are so uncomfortable with the reality of male rape survivors that they attempted to erase the subject of the article in their comments. So sad.

  34. Scott Cunningham says:

    This list is great but I feel I need to correct something. Since I developed a bit of a compulsive habit of revealing I was a male rape survivor online (I basically destroyed my whole semester looking for new places to write it and failed everything) I find victim-blaming ass hats DO demand to know what I was wearing. So it can happen.

  35. My brother is being called a liar because no one saw his rape happen.

  36. well i personally believe you but i have something for you the writter
    it is that the writter should have absolutely no sense of guilt on him
    and should consider himself pure
    since in my religion the one who does have to pay the price not the one who has been pursuaded
    its islam

  37. An excellent and intellectual commentary on a crime that even now remains taboo because of social edicts that men are not and cannot be victimized. Those who have been victimized understand all to well the numbing terror of victimization, and it is unlikely that our criminal justice system will encourage male victims to come forward with the same urgency it gives to female victims. Thank you for the piece.

Trackbacks

  1. […] I came across this post by James Landrith, Male Rape Survivors and Victim Blaming. […]

  2. […] NSWATM oh these many months ago, addresses (TW for discussion of rape-survivor-blamey bullshit) toxic victim-blaming myths about rape […]

  3. […] men. Men are less likely than women to be raped, yes, but it’s not that rare. Men also face unique barriers in admitting and prosecuting sexual assault–from the perception that they “can’t” be raped to the victim-blamey belief […]

  4. […] of men. Men are less likely than women to be raped, yes, but it’s not that rare. Men also face unique barriers in admitting and prosecuting sexual assault–from the perception that they “can’t” be raped to the victim-blamey belief that they ought […]

  5. […] of men. Men are less likely than women to be raped, yes, but it’s not that rare. Men also face unique barriers in admitting and prosecuting sexual assault–from the perception that they “can’t” be raped to the victim-blamey belief that they ought […]

  6. […] covered most of the victim-blaming idiocy that male survivors face before here.  I recently ripped apart an arrogant and ugly female victim-blamer here as well.  I’m not […]

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