The #1 Reason Most Relationships Fail

When it comes to relationships ending, people always turn to cheating, lying, and finances as the leading causes. But it turns out that there’s something else that actually causes the majority of relationships to fail — something that’s far more common than you think. It’s one of the most overlooked causes of breakups.

Let’s take a closer look at one of the #1 reasons most relationships fail (and how to nip it in the bud before it’s too late).

The Most Overlooked Cause of Breakups

There’s one common cause of breakups that often goes overlooked. Here’s what it is:

Research has found that 77% of people reported that their relationship ended due to poor communication or frequent arguing.

Poor communication can be defined in numerous ways. It can mean no communication, avoidance, or failure to address real issues.

We can also relate this to the research conducted by the psychologist John Gottman on toxic communication and relationships. Gottman found these four toxic communication patterns to be the four strongest predictors of breakup or divorce:

Criticism
Contempt (eye rolling, mocking, sarcasm, name-calling)
Defensiveness
Stonewalling (withdrawing from interactions)

Gottman found that contempt and stonewalling, in particular, are the two strongest predictors of relationship instability.

Poor communication and frequent arguing can sabotage a relationship. Over time, they can snowball until it’s too late to fix the problems within the relationship.

How to Overcome Communication Problems Before It’s Too Late

Communication problems don’t have to be what destroys your relationship. There are things you can do to improve how you and your partner communicate, to help make things work. Here are some ideas:

Work on opening up to your partner. If you’re someone who struggles to have deep conversations, try focusing on sharing more with your partner than the day-to-day chitchat. Talk about your hopes and dreams, your fears, and anything else that isn’t easy to talk about. Having these deep conversations helps build a deeper connection.
Learn healthy ways to deal with conflicts as they arise. Rather than rolling your eyes at your partner, mocking, name-calling, or criticizing them, try to practice patience and understanding.
Address issues early to prevent resentment from building over time. The sooner you discuss things that bother you, the less likely you will be to harbor anger towards your partner.
Consider couples therapy. Sometimes, leaning on a medical professional’s help is what we need to learn constructive communication.

The Bottom Line

Poor communication is the #1 reason relationships fail, but it doesn’t have to be. Taking steps early to ensure you and your partner communicate in a healthy, effective manner can help prevent this issue from affecting your relationship in the long run.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.