Mark Greene believes men are not any one thing.
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1) Men Are Not Tough
Men are not tough. They are resilient. Which is a whole different thing. Like women, men are human beings. By definition, this means men have the capacity to cope with damage or abuse, but they also require a process of healing. It can take time; sometimes a lifetime. Men were not put on this planet, en masse, for taking risks and absorbing damage. Boots are tough. Men (and women) are resilient.
2) Men Are Not Right
There is a lot of pressure for men to be confident, assured and authoritative. Its a huge problem. Men should also be encouraged to say things like, “I don’t understand” or “teach me about that” without it meaning they are anything less than “real” men. (Note: Admitting you don’t know something is hugely empowering.)
3) Men Are Not Alphas
Some men (and women) are alphas, some men (and women) are not. Men who are not alphas, men who quietly and consistantly shift and change and create bridges between people who are, are the reason organizations do not collapse into chaos. Without these nuanced, subtle, shape-shifting men (and women), alphas would utterly fail. How about we give the non-alphas the corner office since their doing the really difficult work?
4) Men Are Not Financial Providers
Not every man is a walking ATM for those in his life. Some men deserve the financial support of others while they do something besides earning money.
5) Men Are Not Fighters
Some men are not fighters. You can corner them, you can hit them, you can humiliate them. They don’t fight. It’s not in their nature. This means that no matter their size or strength, some men can be victims of domestic violence. Millions are, in fact.
6) Men Are Not Predictable
Men will not always do what you think. They will not sleep with any seemingly attractive woman who invites them to. They will not take the higher paying job every time it is offered and they will not demand their wives to do all the housework. (In fact, some will get down behind the toilet with a toothbrush and clean the hell out of tile you can’t even see.) There is simply no one single way that men do things. Men are all over the behavioral map. Kind of like women.
7) Men Are Not Sports Fans
Some men love sports. Other men love fashion design. Get over it.
8) Men Are Not Running the World
For every man (or woman) who launches a war there are tens of millions of men who hate it, who oppose it and who suffer for it. For every man (or woman) who is in the leadership of an abusive multinational corporation, there are tens of millions of men who are powerless in the face of disease, famine, poverty and violence.
9) Men Are Not Men
Manhood is to too wide ranging a set of possibilities for us to ever fully define it. And when we try to define what exactly manhood means, somewhere, some how, a man (or woman) is already pushing the boundaries of any definition we can conceive of.
The bottom line here? Men are not any one thing.
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Have you ever asked, “Why do men do what they do?” Watch Mark Greene’s Break Out of the Man Box on GMP TV.
The Man Box says, “Be a ‘real man’ or pay the price.”
Learn how a generation of men are escaping the Man Box and creating powerful change! Watch now on GMP TV!
Read more by Mark Greene:
Why Do We Murder the Beautiful Friendships of Boys?
How America’s Culture of Shame is a Killer for Boys
The Culture of Shame: Men, Love, and Emotional Self-Amputation
The Man Box: Why Men Police and Punish Others
The Man Box: The Link Between Emotional Suppression and Male Violence
The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer
Touch Isolation: How Homophobia Has Robbed All Men of Touch
Boys and Self-Loathing: The Conversations That Never Took Place
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Wonderful article! I’m sharing it on my FB page. Thank you.
Glad you like it, James.
It’s more than “palatable,” it’s terrific.
Thanks, Michael!
I’m just wondering if you are the Mark Greene that I was in high school with. The picture is a bit blurry, but has a likeness to the kid I knew.
I don’t know Rhonda. What city did you go to high school in?
This would have been more palatable had you added “Men are not “just” …” Because many of us are those men you said we aren’t.
Of course the above applies to 1,2,3,4,5,7,9.
Sorry Tom. It’s implied. Just being provocative.
“Palatable?”
I made gumbo for dinner this evening … it was very good but it would have been more palatable had I added a couple more things to it. ( had to check to be sure I had the “more” in my original post.)
Mark, As always good reminders that we are all many splendored-beings and though on, average, we may lean a certain direction, each of us is unique. I love Elizabeth Kuber Ross’s quote. We are each like snowflakes, absolutely beautiful and unique and here for a very short time. It’s good to feel the joy of our uniqueness. I might add, “We are not tall.” Its taken me awhile, at 5′ 5”, to remind myself that even though the average height of men is 5′ 9” or so, and most aspire to 6′ 1′, and I’m closer to the average height… Read more »