—
On my routine bathroom break from my Saturday morning step aerobics class with Val at the Westchester YMCA I walked into the Boy’s locker room. It’s way closer than having to walk upstairs. A cute little girl was screaming, suffering while her Dad patiently struggled to get her tiny arms through her shirt. I’m guessing she was about 3 years old.
The little girl looked at me, stopped screaming, smiled. She said, “Hi!” I raised my hand and said, “Hi.” She stopped squirming. Her Dad smiled as well albeit very purposefully.
Even amidst her suffering wardrobe change, she stopped to say, “Hi” with the brightest smile. She gifted life in her radiance. Now that’s something we can all do. At least I’ll take that on. Maybe without being in a locker room.
So what is it to be human? What will that little girl discover in the years ahead?
Perhaps being human is to know and experience fear and suffering. We’re designed for fear: it’s biological; it’s physiological. Werner Erhard said that to look at what we fear is frightening. Yeah, no shit. Fear can be the reminder of the unresolved experience of our fear from the past. Fear can be our prejudiced prediction of the future. Neither has anything to do with the present. Really.
Werner said that there are things that go on internal to us that we have nothing to do with. There are things that go on external to us that we have something to so with. We live within our limitations—for good and bad. Yet, Werner said that we choose who we are going to be in any moment. We create ourselves. We choose what we do, what we say, how we be. We can discover our freedom to be.
So If I get to choose who I’m going to be, then why not choose to be greater than I know myself to be. The late Muhammed Ali said, perhaps facetiously, “I am the greatest.” That may have worked for Ali. That may work for some folk. Yet, I have no pretense of being the greatest in anything. Maybe, life arises in becoming greater than I am now.
In my Aikido training with Sensei Dan, he continually said, “Make it work.” It was never about being the greatest, about perfection. Sensei’s mantra was “Just train.” Amen. So I continue to train. As long as I keep becoming greater than I am now, regardless of the incremental scale—I’m okay. Everyone’s “zero” is different. As Sensei I see the beauty in that as well.
My dear friend Cheryl reminds of the Japanese principle of wabi-sabi – the beauty in our imperfection. Because life is “imperfectly perfect”. Being that we’re all imperfect, listen and see the greater than in others. That’s what Sensei did for me over the years, before he passed away. He created the space in his listening of me that gave me the freedom to fail bravely, to fail with honor, to fail often. I discovered myself from my failure. I moved on.
When Sensei told me in that Sunday morning Aikido class, “You’re a better teacher than me” he got his job done. He created me as art, a part of his enduring legacy. Becoming greater than I know myself to be is about those, who love and believe in me. No one becomes greater than they know all alone, in a vacuum. I am profoundly grateful for all who help to create me. My hope is that I can pass on those gifts to others who will continue after me, who shall become greater than me.
There will always be war, unkindness, and death in the world. There will always be suffering in the world. That too might also be the design of life. We’ve experience mass shooting in our schools and our communities. We have very little to do with the action of others. Yet, we all want peace.
Gandhi said, “Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace, to be real, must be unaffected by outside circumstances.” We can discover our peace within. That’s a place to start. Practice. Practice.
#Metoo reveals the pervasive culture of abuse that has been around for at least a 100 years or more. This is our cultural reckoning. Courageous victims of sexual abuse rediscover their voices in calling out their assaulters. What happens next? These brave survivors of sexual assault really want this to stop, so no one else experiences what they did.
Mostly, the abusers are men. Is it the symptom of “toxic masculinity”? No, not really. At least I don’t think that’s the bigger picture. Before you can be a good man, you need to be a good human being. Have compassion. Have respect. Show others kindness. Basically: Don’t be a dick.
We can’t really change others. Yet, we can alter who we are. Be kind to others, and be kind to you. Instead of listening to others as lesser than, listen for the greater than within them. And listen for the greater than within yourself.
Before he passed away, Fred Rogers of “Mister Rogers Neighborhood” said in a University commencement speech, “You don’t have to do anything extraordinary to be loved.” We all deserve to be loved for who we are. My “spiritual twin” Dolph Lundgren said, “You have to love yourself.” Yes, we do. Amen.
Love makes you greater than you know. And that starts with loving yourself. Accept your strengths and your frailties. You can’t make a difference in the world unless you heal and forgive you.
21-year-old Cystic Fibrosis activist Claire Wineland said that even in her own pain and suffering, “I can still be okay.” She said, “Be present to the life in front of you.” “We’re all part of this epic story…” The goal of life isn’t happiness. Instead, Claire said, “Have a life you’re proud of.” Amen.
I continue to practice my Art of Peace like O-Sensei instructs—finding the peace within me. I’m okay with my childhood fears growing up at home. Yeah, it could have been better. Perhaps, I’m greater, because of it. Who would have thought?
I continue my online dating journey in the hopes of falling in love. It’s still possible. Someone might be out there.
As Aikido Sensei I pursue my greater than journey, and pass on all that has been meaningful for me. I think I’ve created my life as the work of art that I’m proud of. And I still have a lot more to paint.
I discover my singular voice in my writing. I write about what I get from the movies I love to watch. I write about power of healing and forgiving oneself for others, who face their own darker nights, like I have. Do the math. Have faith in the sun rising for the brighter day. Mostly, have faith that you too shall arise. So I continue to write as well.
I continue to do so, for that little girl who smiled and said, “Hi!” Perhaps, what I have to say makes some difference in the world she grows into. At least that is my sincere hope. Because the world seems to work when it’s not all about me. Just saying. Amen. Amen.
—
What’s your take on what you just read? Comment below or write a response and submit to us your own point of view or reaction here at the red box, below, which links to our submissions portal.
◊♦◊
Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.
◊♦◊
Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock
