Sex is a hard topic for many to talk about. It can feel invasive and embarrassing – especially if there are problems. Unfortunately, this means that many individuals and couples suffer for years without getting help, and this can severely impact relationships.
Men can have a particularly difficult time talking about sexual problems. The repercussions of these problems and a man’s unwillingness to discuss them can be damaging not only to them, but to their partners. One of the biggest and most complicated problems for a man and his partner to face is a lack of sex drive, or low libido.
Men And Low Libido
Low libido is a lack of sexual interest and desire. It’s not an inability to have sex nor is it the same thing as erectile dysfunction (ED). Men with low libido can have sex – they just don’t want to. It’s not uncommon for men (or women) to experience fluctuating sex drive throughout their lives. Typically it’s short-lived and will return as the underlying causes are addressed or fade away. In some cases, however, it can go on for a long time and impact the quality of a man’s life and relationships.
Low libido can happen for many reasons. It can be due to medications, stress, age, or underlying health issues. It can also be a symptom of depression or other mental health problems. Whatever the case, one of the biggest effects of low libido that goes on for a long period of time is that it can make other problems in a man’s life worse.
Sex for many men is a large part of how they define themselves. And in society, for better or worse, sexual prowess is considered part of what it means to be a man. So when a man no longer has the desire to have sex it can have negative consequences on his self-esteem and self-confidence. There is a great deal of a man’s ego wrapped up in his ability to perform sexually and please his partner. Any inability to do that, physical or otherwise, can be devastating. He may begin to feel insecure and inadequate. For a man that is already suffering with depression or issues with their self-perception this can feel like one additional failure.
Effect On A Relationship
Sexual problems for one partner are really problems for both partners. And while a man may struggle with feelings of failure, his partner will also suffer with similar feelings.
Low libido in one partner can cause the other to feel like they are the problem. Are they not attractive enough? Is there someone else? Has he just fallen out of love and lost interest? These are questions often asked when a partner is simply not interested. For those men suffering with low libido, however, this isn’t a problem caused by one person or the other, it goes deeper. Unfortunately, this can be hard to understand and therefore greatly disrupt an otherwise happy relationship.
This can be especially true when the partner with low libido is the man. Generally when the topic of low libido arises women are the ones being discussed and the first reasons considered are biological. When a man loses interest in sex, however, people look toward other causes, mainly problems with their partner. It can take a lot of time, effort, and trust to determine that the problem isn’t a matter of one partner being a “turn-off” but something much deeper. In the meantime damage to the relationship can occur that can be difficult to repair.
How To Help Him
Once it’s been determined that it’s not the relationship that’s the problem, but rather a lagging sex-drive, you will need to work with him to determine what’s causing it. With any luck it’s something that’s easy to address, but if not you will need to work out a plan for addressing the issue. This could include his talking with his primary care physician or a mental health professional.
This doesn’t have to mean that you put your sex life on hold. It may just mean that you have to take things slow and get more creative. Understanding and love can do a great deal to help.
Keep in mind that this is an extremely difficult topic for most people to discuss. Getting to the root of things will take patience and understanding. Long-term relationships go through many ups and downs and sexual dry spells happen for many reasons. Working together will be the key to a more active and satisfying sex life.
—
Photo: IStock
