You Came as an Apology

“A journey through 12 years of waiting, healing, and finally being
seen.”

15 years old: I was innocent enough to think we only love once. He drew closer and closer until I believed it was love. He chose her, but you hid me in your heart.

16 years old: Searching for someone in the darkest nights to fill the emptiness he left behind. But no one could match the fingerprint he left on my heart. He ignored me, but you called.

17 years old: Mindlessly happy, I found someone to love me back. I walked blindly with him through the dark. He led me on, but you let your interest show.

19 years old: I found the one who promised to hold me in his arms until he died. Less than a month later, I found myself bleeding. He cowardly ran; you bravely stayed.

20 years old: Finally, someone noticed me — someone who read the sadness in my eyes and gave me special names. You are both sweet-talkers, but you… you stuttered in front of me.

22 years old: I met the “charming prince” of my dreams; polite, smart, and shining. I wondered if he was royalty as he smiled at me from miles away. He showed off, but you bent.

25 years old: I ran recklessly toward the wrong one. He kept me on the sidelines of his life, proving with every silence that I was never the destination. He offered me coldness, but you offered me a home.

27 years old: Sure of my wisdom, certain I wouldn’t fall again. But fate insisted on bringing us together in the warm chill of January. Your behavior gave me flashbacks, you had bits of them all — but you changed every scene. You messed up the settings I had built from my scars. You turned their sad endings around.

You came as an apology for everything they did.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.