Tuna helper and other white trash food

If you wash it down with cigarettes and generic vodka, it’s white trash food.

I have great friends.  I tend to get some great inspiration from The Muse, but from time to time, my inspiration comes from elsewhere.  Like this post.

My friend Liz inspired this post with her stories of shake & bake and tuna helper.  I texted that for a girl who went to a fancy college, she was eating pretty white trash.

She went on to inform me that every year for her birthday, hubby gets her a cake made out of Twinkies.  A Twinkie cake is definitely white trash!  With this knowledge front and center in my mind (and with nothing better to blog about) I quickly turned this convo into a blog post.

I started thinking about what other foods were white trash and I assembled a short list in my head.  Next, I texted The Muse to get some of her thoughts.  She had a few good ideas too, but something seemed to be missing.  So I turned to my great Twitter friends for some suggestions and clarification of a few items.

My point?  This was kind of a group effort and I want to give credit where credit is due.  I give a hearty *chest bump* to all of you, but to some more than others… *wink*  When you’re done with the list, let me know what I forgot and throw your two cents in on what I did list.

White Trash Food

Sonora dogs–A.K.A. the bacon wrapped hot dog.  I’m going to get this one out of the way, because frankly I don’t give a crap how white trash this is.  I love them!  I’m not sure if I first had these in Tijuana or if it was from a cart outside a Lakers or Kings game, but who the hell cares.  I know my last three one was Saturday afternoon.  I got a craving and I fired up the cast iron skillet.

Pork rinds–I’m not sure I really need to elaborate on this one.  I’m totally confident,  if you asked 100 people to list 10 white trash foods, that 100 out of 100 would have pork rinds on the list.  Not a doubt in my mind.

Corned beef hash out of  can–On St. Patty’s Day I made corned beef and on Saturday I made corned beef hash for breakfast.  I’ve made it many times, but I still went to the Food Network website to see if there was a cool recipe.  I looked at almost a dozen and none included the words, “can” or “can opener”.  I don’t think I need to say any more on the subject.

Spam–This one has long intrigued me because Spam is huge in Hawaii and Hawaiians aren’t white trash.  I’m sad to admit that one night, several years ago, I sat in my backyard in Long Beach, CA and pondered what Spam really is and why someone created this crap in the first place.  In case you were concerned about the fact I was talking to myself about Spam, you can relax.  My friend Jack Daniels was keeping me company that night.

Cheese in a can–Cheese was not meant to be squirted directly into the mouth.  That shit is just wrong.

Nachos in the microwave–Nachos were meant to be cooked in an oven.  Or a toaster oven.  If you put cheese on chips then throw them in the microwave, you’re following a white trash recipe.  You may not be doing it consciously, but you definitely have some white trash tendencies.

Casserole–This one isn’t as cut and dry as you might think.  My initial feeling was that any casserole should be considered white trash, but a Twitter friend  said she feels there has to be cream of something soup in there in order to be called white trash.  She makes a good point.

Another Twitter friend explained that casseroles aren’t white trash, but rather are retro and hip.  Yet another said they have to include potato chips in order to be considered white trash.  I never knew that a simple casserole could spark such strong debate.  I’m going to err on the side of caution and go ahead and call the casserole “White Trash”.  Sorry mom.

Fried bologna–Some people will tell you that it tastes like hot dogs, but it doesn’t.  Nor does it taste like chicken.  It tastes like fried bologna.  To me, friend bologna tastes much like I imagine ass to taste.

Tater salad–Potato salad is OK, but if you call it tater salad, you’re eating white trash food.  The same with smashed taters.  Mashed potatoes are perfectly acceptable in high society, while smashed taters are to be eaten in the double wide.

Keystone beer–It’s the official beer of Keith Stone and Keith Stone is white trash.

Sunny Delight–To be fair,  it’s only white trash when you call it “orange juice”.  It’s also white trash if you mix it with vodka.  I don’t care if you call it Sunny-D and vodka.  If you put vodka in it, it automatically crosses the border.  It passes go and collects the $200.  If, however,  you recognize it for what it really is–citrus flavored sugar–it’s perfectly acceptable to drink, and in fact, I would love a glass.  Do you have any rum?

For dessert, anything with Nilla Wafers and Cool Whip automatically qualifies.  A Jello mold with fruit inside also gets an automatic berth on the list.  I think these two are definitely white trash staple.  I’m pretty sure when mama sends papa to the A & P, he sees this:

Nilla Wafers (the cheap ones)

Cool Whip

Jello (lime)

canned fruit cocktail

As I was working on this post, I noticed a few other things.  There are no fresh fruits or veggies in white trash food.  In fact, the more it has been processed, the white trashier it is.  I also noticed that a lot of white trash food is meant to be eaten with condiments such as ketchup, mustard mayo and store brand salsa.  That’s probably because most white trash food tastes shitty.

Some things are meant to be deep fried, like chicken, potatoes or onions.  If you fry anything out of the ordinary, go ahead and consider it to be white trash.  What do I mean by “out of the ordinary”?  Things like pickles, mayonnaise, Oreos, pizza, corn or spaghetti and meatballs on a stick, are all items that only white trash will fry.  Just because you have hot oil, doesn’t mean you have to use it.  Remember that.

The bottom line is, it doesn’t matter what you eat.  If you wash it down with cigarettes and generic vodka, it’s white trash food.

P.S.  I always want to give credit where credit is due.  Monday evening Liz texted me the “Washing it down with a cigarette” line.  I added the generic vodka part.  Thanks Liz!!!