—
Relationships are filled with highs and lows. The highs make for some of life’s most wonderful moments. But the lows can bring a loving relationship to its knees.
Too many lows. That was our experience. Our once perfect relationship was in turmoil. We hadn’t done anything to hurt each other: we just hadn’t worked hard enough to maintain a healthy connection.
Little did we know that the events of 2020 were only going to make matters worse. It’s been quite a year, right? The stress and uncertainty around the pandemic were really getting to us. Rather than turning to each other for support, we turned on each other.
There were many times that I just wanted to throw in the towel and move on.
Amid the chaos, we realized that calling it quits wasn’t the answer. We saw how much we needed each other, especially at a time like this. This revelation came just in time. We needed to bring our struggling relationship back from the brink, and in a joint effort, we did it. The truth is, if we can do it, anyone can.
It’s just about knowing where to begin. Here’s how it happened for us:
We made an equal commitment to our relationship
Our stubbornness is what got our relationship into trouble, but it’s our stubbornness that also got us out. Neither of us gives up easily. When we established that our relationship was worth fighting for, we committed to its survival. We knew how critical it was that we were equally committed to salvaging what we had.
We made time for each other
When you’re in a long-term relationship, sometimes it can feel like you’re merely flatmates who share a bed. That was us.
Our morning routine consisted of frantically rushing out the door, toast, and coffee in hand. Before we knew it, we had sacrificed that sweet goodbye kiss. As we tried harder and hard to avoid each other, working late also became the norm.
Something needed to change. We began with a promise to be home for dinner. The simple act of sharing a meal and chatting about each other’s day is an invaluable tool for strengthening relationships. This small change led to bigger and better changes, like spending time together on weekends and craving each other’s company once again.
I tell you what; I could feel the serotonin filling my soul each time we did something special together.
This was such an essential part of repairing our relationship.
We learned to communicate the right way
I never really understood the value of communication until I realized how much we lacked it.
Sure, we’d have a quick conversation here and there, but were we ever really listening to each other?
We started asking relevant questions. We spoke about our feelings. We stopped interrupting each other. And, above all, we listened. Communication is key, especially when you feel like shutting down. Push through your personal barriers and have that conversation. You’ll feel better for it. I know I did.
We learned to let things go
As the lows of our relationship built up, resentment swiftly kicked in. We each had a part to play in all that had happened over the past year or so. Neither of us was to blame, yet both of us were at fault.
We had to let it go. We could never move forward if we were always dwelling on the year that had been.
It’s hard to fight the urge to bring up some of our lowest points, but it has no benefit towards strengthening our relationship. Once we discussed where we went wrong and how we could do things better, we could put our past faults behind us and focus on the bright times ahead.
We reignited the spark
Getting the spark back was a top priority.
When we finally got it back, it was like we were living through the honeymoon phase all over again. The key was rediscovering the initial attraction between us, and we talked and laughed about our first dates – the nerves, the excitement, the overwhelming joy.
We had to push ourselves to get out of our intimacy rut. It had been so long since we’d gone to bed at the same time, let alone been intimate. My confidence was at an all-time low, and I’m not ashamed to say that I needed some encouragement, a little exercise, and the right supplements to bring back my libido and get into the swing of things.
We broke unhealthy patterns
Coming to terms with our shortcomings was necessary to break the many unhealthy patterns we had created. We sat down together and made a list of what needed to change for us to power through the difficult chapter. The changes were simple, but they’ve made us appreciate each other once again.
- We go to bed at the same time
- We ask about each other’s day
- We set aside time for each other on weekends
- We don’t work late unless absolutely necessary
- We cook together
- We get up earlier to avoid the morning rush
- We commute to and from work together
We’re now in a place that we can be proud of. Our relationship was in tatters, yet our combined effort to repair it has meant we’re back on track for a happy future. The best part of our journey is that we now have strategies in place that can overcome any obstacle that comes our way.
I’m so glad we didn’t give up.
We’re stronger now than ever.
It’s a silver lining in a rough year.
—
This content is brought to you by Robert Jacob.
Photo: Shutterstock
