It does feel like the older you get, the harder it is to make friends and to have friendships that last a long time. There are many reasons that this happens. It can be due to the fact that as you get older, you seem to have less time to spend on friendships. Other times, it feels like the older you get, the less time people have for disagreement in a friendship. Even with best friends, it feels like you only get to talk to them every now and then.
As an adult, many relationships seem to be empty friendships, such as an acquaintance at work, or someone who you feel has potential, but who drifts away from your life before you have a chance to bond.
So how can one strengthen your friendships? Here are some ways.
Narrow Down a Date to Hang Out
Friendships, especially in adulthood, are plagued by the fact that it’s difficult to plan a date to hang out with them. You two have jobs and lives, and depending on where you live, it can be a challenge to plan something out.
Because of this, we may say “we should hang out sometime,” but never think of a timeframe. We may think that eventually, our friend will come at the perfect time. However, when you don’t give someone a time frame, they may believe they have all the time in the world to hang out, and they may end up putting it off until it’s too late.
If you ask when your friend wants to hang out, and they say next month, contact them that month and plan something more specific. Get a date narrowed down that allows both of you to have a great time.
Send Them Texts on Important Dates
One way you can strengthen one’s bonds is to remind your friend of their birthday, job promotion, or another special anniversary. Some people say that friendships are as important as romantic relationships, and remembering certain dates in a romantic relationship is one of the most important aspects of it. Sending them little texts about important days can not only show appreciation but soon lead to fruitful conversations.
Remind Them of a Good Memory
If you’ve had a friendship that has been around for a while, and yet it seems to have fallen apart, one way to strengthen it is to send a text to your friend that reminds them of a good memory that you two once had. This memory can be something that happened when you were a kid or even something that happened kind of recently. Nostalgia can be a good way to hook a friend into having a conversation and strengthening that friendship.
Make New Memories
When it comes to old friendships, you can’t overly rely on nostalgia. You have to make some new memories with your friends as well. Think of someplace that you two have yet to visit, or think of an activity you two are interested in that you’ve never done. Then, try it. If your friendship overly relies on nostalgia and not being in the here and now, it may not friendship worth pursuing.
Don’t Be Afraid to Open Up
In a good friendship, one secret is to open up about insecurities or other events that have happened to you. We aren’t saying that you need to treat a friend as a therapist, or that you should reveal every little secret that you have with them, but if you’re not open at all, then you may have more of an acquaintance than a friendship.
This goes both ways as well. If your friend tries to open up, listen to them, and don’t be afraid to share stories of your own.
Schedule a Hangout That’s Just Between You and Them
As you get older, you may get more packaged deals. For example, you may have a spouse or kids that you bring with you when you see a friend, or you only meet with other friends. Often, this can lead to the two of you not getting as much time together as you want to.
Perhaps schedule a hangout that’s just the of you. This can help you focus on your friendship much better than if you had a bunch of people.
Create a Group Chat
This sounds a bit silly, but one way you can strengthen bonds is to have a group chat. Whether you’re messaging on Facebook, Discord, or another app, invite all your friends. One-on-one chats can often fizzle out, but a group chat has a higher chance of going on longer.
You do have to make sure that you invite friends who are cool with one another, but if everyone enjoys the company of the other, it can be a great way to strengthen bonds.
Consider Counseling
Talk to a counselor or therapist if you want to figure out other ways to strengthen your bonds. Sometimes, you just don’t know how to do so, and a counselor may be able to help you by giving advice that fits with your personality, or your friend’s. Relationship counselors can be for friends, too.
If You Can’t Strengthen Your Friendship, Then Perhaps It’s Time to Move On
With this all said, some friendships are just not worth saving. Even if you’ve had great memories of this person in the past, people move, get older, and they grow apart. Sometimes, it’s best to move on, especially if:
- The friendship is one-sided. You have to be the one who initiates conversation and makes plans, and they never return the favor.
- You don’t feel like you can trust that friend with anything.
- That friend tells you all your secrets. When you say “keep this between us,” it isn’t a suggestion.
- It may be time to move on if the relationship makes you feel exhausted, or you feel like it’s toxic.
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