5 Subtle Signs Your Partner Is Pulling Away From You — and How To React

The same thoughts have been dancing around in your head for weeks.

“Why does she/he behave differently?”

“Have her/his feelings changed?”

“Has she/he lost her/his interest in me?”

Every relationship has its ups and downs. But when the honeymoon phase is over, a sudden change in your partner’s behavior can be alarming.

If you notice that your partner has started acting differently, it can be difficult to figure out if they’re actually pulling away, or if it’s all in your head.

Because you can’t always trust your gut feeling, here are five subtle signs to look out for that indicate your partner might be losing interest and how you can cope with their behavior.

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1. They’re Unusually Slow to Respond to Texts or Phone Calls

There are times in our lives when we get busier, have to work much more, or need to deal with problems that take up a huge amount of our time.

That means that we might be less responsive to texts or phone calls depending on where we are, what we’re doing, or how much we have on our plate on any given day.

But if you couldn’t get your partner to shut up before, and now it becomes more and more difficult to reach them, it could be a sign they’re pulling away from you.

Especially if they keep making the same excuses, saying they got busy at work or that they forgot to respond. Yes, you can forget to answer a text once or twice, but when that becomes the new normal, chances are there is a reason to worry.

How to react: Notice how often your partner doesn’t respond to you. If their life has indeed become busier (e.g. in case they were assigned a difficult project at work), don’t press them by sending them a flurry of check-in texts but give them the time and space they need instead.

In case their unresponsiveness becomes a regular thing, sit down and have a serious but calm conversation with them, expressing your fears. Remember, honesty is always the best policy.

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2. They Rarely Pay Attention When You Talk

In any healthy relationship, partners are supposed to talk with and listen to each other — especially when it comes to important matters.

Of course, we’re only human, and over the course of a relationship, we might not be able to 100% focus on what our partner is saying and give them our full attention.

If you noticed, however, that your partner constantly tunes out of your conversations, repeatedly checks their phone, or interrupts you, it might be a sign they have lost their interest in you.

How to react: Step aside for a moment and consider the possibility that your partner might be stressed, anxious, or distracted by some serious things going on in their life. Maybe they’re tired or not feeling very well — that would explain their inability to focus on you.

Next time you catch them tuning out of your conversation, instead of picking up a fight by saying “Hey, you never pay attention to me lately”, say something along the lines of “Is there something in your mind” or “Are you feeling well? — that will prompt them to open up to you in case something is wrong.

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3. They Repeatedly Cancel Your Plans

Every once in a while it’s natural for your partner to cancel your plans just because they’re super tired, or an emergency has come up.

But if you have been together for a while and your partner suddenly starts to cancel your plans one after the other, it is a warning sign that indicates they’re not that interested in seeing you anymore.

How to react: As with all the other signs, you need to consider your partner’s overall behavior. If he keeps canceling on you lately but nothing else is changed in their behavior (they remain sweet, caring, and attentive), they might be going through a frantic time and hoping you’ll understand.

If, however, they show other suspicious signs, it would be a good idea to talk about it with them end explain that their behavior makes you doubt their feelings towards you and feel like you’re a low priority in their life.

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4. They Ignore Your Attempts at Affection

The most important sign your partner is pulling away from you is their unresponsiveness to your attempts at affection.

In a healthy relationship, partners are affectionate with each other, without one of them having to ask.

If you feel like you constantly have to ask your partner for their affection, and those requests are ignored — or even worse, met with negative responses — , it is a cause to worry about their feelings toward you.

How to react: Try to take some emotional distance from them, minimize your attempts at affection, and give them some space.

If the lack of affection remains, have a conversation about it with your partner, without attacking, accusing, or criticizing them.

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5. They’re Easily Annoyed

At a beginning of a relationship, we usually tend to see our partners as flawless or deliberately close our eyes to their flaws.

After having spend a significant time with one another, the little flaws and quirks that we didn’t pay the slightest attention to before, might start to get on our nerves more and more.

But, when every single minor thing you do starts to annoy your partner — from how often you call your best friend to the way you chew your food — it could indicate that they’re emotionally withdrawing from you.

How to react: If you’ve noticed that your partner gets more and more annoyed by everything you do, initiating fights and disagreements, next time they criticize one of your actions, ask them to justify their annoyance.

You’ll catch them off guard and depending on the way they answer you, you’ll understand what’s hiding behind their annoyance.

Final Thoughts

The most important thing you should do when you start noticing your partner’s behavior changing is NOT panic.

The second most important thing is, talk with your partner. Don’t be afraid to be honest and share with them your thoughts, worries, and feelings. It takes two to tango — you’ll have to work together for your relationship.

Remember that a single sign isn’t enough to make assumptions; you have to watch your partner’s overall behavior.

The signs mentioned in this list aren’t necessarily the end. If you catch them early enough and discuss them with your partner, you may be able to clear up any miscommunications and set your relationship back on course.

And even if these signs do foretell the end of your relationship, it’s not the end of the world. Not all relationships are meant to last, after all. You deserve to be with someone who understands, values, and appreciates you fully, and if your current partner doesn’t do these things, it would be wise to end the relationship.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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