If you’ve been watching my videos this year — and you better have been — you’ll know we’ve been digging into nuanced topics in modern dating because there has never been more contradictory information out there about finding love and keeping it.
But today, I wanted to go back to basics and have a little fun.
Today’s video is a wholesome little romp through the mind of men. I asked my 2.4 million followers on Instagram to DM me with one of their favorite compliments they had ever received from a woman they dated — one that stuck.
The answers came pouring in, and they reminded me why I love men. They were sweet and vulnerable.
So I’ve taken these responses and put them in chronological order based on when it’s the right time to give them in dating. I’ll be serving them up today as a delectable three-course compliment tasting menu.
Hey, isn’t that Daniel Radcliffe?
By the way, I’m Matthew Hussey. I’ve been helping people with their love lives and relationships for almost 20 years, and I’ve learned a lot in the process. I share it here on this channel.
So if you feel inclined to give me a compliment today — and you better — like this video, subscribe to the channel, and let’s get started.
Here is a summary of the transcript from YouTube, slightly edited with AI.
Why Compliments Matter More Than You Think
When I was developing this video, my producer told me a story from when she was living in New York City above a bodega.
One day she was paying for groceries and said to the clerk, “I like your hoodie. That color looks great on you.”
The next time she went in, he was wearing the same hoodie over a T-shirt. Then the next time, and the next time after that.
Eventually she said, “I see you love that hoodie a lot. You’re wearing it again.”
He replied lightheartedly, “Well, I remember you complimenting my style, and I’ve never been complimented on my style before… or complimented on anything really.”
This story illustrates a larger point: men don’t get complimented as often as women. They are often compliment-deprived.
So when they do receive a rare compliment, they remember it for ages — sometimes a lifetime.
Some of the responses to my Instagram prompt were:
“I don’t remember the last time I received a nice word from a woman.”
Another read: “Haven’t received a compliment yet. Twenty-one years so far.”
So what are the compliments that stand out to men? The ones that make both the compliment — and the person who said it — unforgettable?
Compliment #1: Competency Compliments
One category that emerged involved compliments about how competent a man is.
Sometimes that competence focused on a specific skill:
“You actually sing really well.”
“I really like that thing you cooked.”
“I’m proud you’re a writer.”
Other times, it had nothing to do with an obvious skill. It was more a recognition of the way someone handled life.
My producer shared another story. She was at an event in New York chatting with a guy when a waiter accidentally spilled red wine all over his white shirt.
Instead of reacting dramatically, he simply said, “It’s okay. I didn’t like this shirt anyway,” and laughed it off.
She looked at him and said, “That was really smooth. I like how you handled that.”
Side note: she then said, “I know a great dry cleaner,” and they ended up exchanging numbers.
The old dry-cleaner gambit. Nice.
You don’t need to wait a long time to give these compliments. You can give them minutes after meeting someone.
Part of why they matter so much is that many people have admirable qualities that aren’t obvious or flashy.
We may not all have a singing voice or a skill we can show off instantly, but we have subtle ways we’ve worked on ourselves.
When someone notices those things, they become special to us.
These compliments can also recognize effort:
“I like how thoughtful your gifts are.”
“I like how much planning you put into that.”
“I like how attentive you are.”
These were all real compliments men sent me.
As a bonus, compliments like these reward behaviors you appreciate — and people tend to repeat behaviors that feel rewarded.
Some other examples men shared:
“Someone told me I’m extremely intelligent and smart, and it’s so sexy to her.”
“I love the way you talk and express yourself.”
I really love that one.
And another favorite:
“You just seem really competent.”
Oh my God. Thank you, Matt. That’s so sweet.
No David, it’s for the video.
A Quick Detour: Situationships and Commitment
At this point, David interrupted with a question:
“I have this friend, right? She’s dating this guy. They have great chemistry. She gives him compliments all the time and it seems to be working, but things never progress.”
I told him I couldn’t answer fully while filming, but I mentioned my free guide, From Situationship to Commitment, which gives an exact conversation to help someone move toward commitment.
Okay. Back to filming.
Compliment #2: Energy Compliments
This is not second-date material.
Please don’t say any of what I’m about to suggest until month four — maybe month two if things are going really well.
These compliments are variations of one powerful phrase:
“You make me feel safe.”
I’ve said this in several videos, and every time I ask men what compliments meant the most to them, this comes up.
Here are examples men shared:
“You make me feel safe and calm.”
“I feel safe with you.”
“I’ve never felt this safe.”
One man said:
“She lived in a new house for two and a half years. She told me I made her feel at home in her own home.”
For many men, this hits deeply because it connects to a desire to feel strong and protective and to know their presence has a meaningful impact.
What makes these compliments powerful is that they don’t just describe who he is. They describe the effect he has on you.
There’s a big difference between:
“You’re calm.”
And:
“You make me feel calm.”
Compliment #3: Acceptance Compliments
Society gives men a lot of mixed and toxic messages about what women want.
There are influencers saying women only want men who are six feet tall, make six figures, and have six-pack abs.
Even when women say they don’t care about these things, many men still absorb those messages.
This mindset has even fueled ideas like “looksmaxing,” rooted in the belief that looks are the only thing that matters.
The result is many men feeling they have to show up rich enough, handsome enough, and bulletproof enough just to survive modern dating.
So it’s no surprise that many responses I got centered around one theme: being enough.
Here’s what men remembered:
“You’re enough and I want you exactly the way you are right now.”
“You are enough.”
One man simply wrote:
“I’m easy to love.”
These compliments say:
“I see all of you, and you are enough.”
Now, saying this too early can sound patronizing or make you seem like someone’s therapist.
But several months into a relationship, after emotional intimacy has developed, these words can be incredibly powerful.
Why These Compliments Matter
The way I think about these three categories is this:
Competency compliments recognize men for what they’ve worked on.
Energy compliments reward them for how they make someone feel.
Acceptance compliments reward them for who they are.
Some of you may think, “I’m never complimenting a man. Last time I did, his ego exploded and he ghosted me.”
If someone reacts that way, it says far more about their insecurity and self-esteem than it does about compliments.
You are not complimenting someone as a fan looking up at them.
You are complimenting them as a peer.
Talent recognizing talent.
The best compliments either reflect back something we value in ourselves but rarely hear acknowledged, or they show us something beautiful we didn’t even realize about ourselves.
And men can’t rely on everyone being that perceptive.
Men are multifaceted objects.
The right person is the one who holds that object up to the light at exactly the right angle and helps it shine in all of its iridescent glory.
Final Thoughts
Let me know the best compliment you’ve ever received — or given.
Or leave me a compliment about this video in the comments.
I’ll see you in my next one.
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
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