Are You a Victim of Financial Abuse?

The Co-Operative Bank describes financial abuse as:

“A form of domestic abuse. It occurs when an abuser restricts a person’s ability to acquire, use and maintain money or other economic resources.”

Money makes our world go round, on a personal and global scale.

But if someone we trust abuses our reliance on money and takes control of it for themselves, to further keep us under control, this is financial abuse.

While it does occur in different areas of life, it’s becoming increasingly common in relationships. And COVID has only fanned the flames.

According to the same report from The Co-Operative Bank, instances of financial abuse skyrocketed in the UK when the pandemic struck.

A staggering 1.6 million people fell victim to financial abuse — that’s 3 percent of the entire UK population.

It may look as though COVID is being forced into retreat, but what this means for the prevalence of financial abuse in our society remains to be seen.

If you fear you might be a victim of financial abuse, here are a few things you should look out for.

…

Someone has placed themselves in charge of your accounts

Not all of us are wizards with money. And that’s OK.

What’s sad is that “poor money management” is often used as an excuse by a partner to place themselves in charge of someone’s finances.

This is NOT OK.

At first glance, this person might appear to have someone’s best interests at heart. But as the days and weeks roll by, it becomes clear something sinister is going on…

Suddenly, they’re not allowed to access their online banking.

They’re not allowed to withdraw cash when they need it.

They’re not allowed to send money or check bills.

Any control they had over the contents of their bank account is being handled by someone else.

Even worse, they might be using the guise of the helpful partner or friend to help themselves to some spare funds set aside for a rainy day.

Some people giving you a hand with your accounts might be completely honorable. But it’s always smart to keep an eye on your income and outgoings when you give someone else this kind of power.

Speaking of income…

Your paycheck/other income is taken from you

You work hard for the money you earn and you should be allowed to spend that money however you see fit.

But using the same lame excuses as we’ve already discussed, some partners have been known to whisk away the paycheck of their significant other the moment it arrives.

This is particularly present when people are paid cash-in-hand, or their salary is being directed to an account they share with someone else.

Whether it’s a small chunk or the whole hog, if you’re unwillingly losing cash from your paycheck when you’ve been paid this is a clear-cut sign of financial abuse.

You might be thinking, “This sounds like something a money-hungry boyfriend or girlfriend would do.” And you’d be correct. This seems to be the trend in most cases, falling on the male side of the equation.

However, in my own experience, I have seen this type of behavior rear its ugly head in a mother-daughter relationship.

Even at the mature age of 25, I’m personally aware of someone whose income was unceremoniously snatched by her mother every single month.

True, the mother could have had good intentions at heart. But that’s irrelevant and it’s no good way to teach someone the value of good money management.

Your partner spends a significant amount of your income without permission

A study featured on Moneyhabitudes.com found that 36 percent of couples named money as the factor which caused the most strain and stress in their relationship.

That’s a lot of couples who are suffering because of a lack of zeros in their accounts.

But in many cases, couples struggle over their finances when one member of the relationship unit is unable or unwilling to control their spending.

In particularly heated situations, this person may even choose to go beyond their own income and spend their partner’s hard-earned cash.

The bottom line is this: Just because you both share a joint bank account and live under the same roof, your partner’s money is not your property.

They maintain the right to spend their own money themselves, without fear of it being squandered by someone else.

Not only can this lead to some nasty confrontations within a relationship, but I’ve also seen couples fall into the dark pit of debt as a result.

If your partner is spending your money without your content and it is resulting in financial hardship, that’s financial abuse. Plain and simple.

You’re prevented from seeing friends and family due to “money issues”

This point falls under both the category of financial abuse and abuse in general.

Let’s say, for example, you and your partner experienced a bit of a tight month. You both earned a lot less than you were expecting and expenditure was unexpectedly through the roof.

Most people would choose to cut back on unnecessary spending in months like these. Drinks with friends, spontaneous gifts and other similar costs could be left at the door.

But what happens when one partner uses this lack of wealth as an excuse to keep you from seeing the people you love?

Or, if we flip the story on its head, what happens when they use this excuse when there are no financial difficulties to speak of whatsoever?

Money is and always will be a barrier to the things we want to do and achieve. That’s natural, money is finite.

But a lack of money should never be forced upon someone as an excuse as to why they can’t see the important people in their life. Regardless of their financial situation.

Someone takes out a loan or credit card in your name without your knowledge or approval

This is a big one and undoubtedly makes a criminal of the perpetrator.

Loans and credit cards are huge financial commitments with disastrous ramifications if someone is unable to keep up with the payments.

That’s why these types of decisions should never be taken lightly. And they certainly shouldn’t be taken without someone’s consent, especially if their name is on the dotted line.

Sadly, this is becoming more and more common within relationships, families, and friend groups.

If someone is unwilling to take the brunt of the potential financial backlash, they can try and name someone else on their agreement with the bank.

It doesn’t always work, thank God, as these kinds of agreements often go through a rigorous identification process. But some cases have been known to slip through the cracks.

If someone has taken out a loan or credit card in your name, without your prior consent or knowledge, that’s financial abuse.

…

What to do?

If some or all of the above is sounding all-too-familiar, or you know your finances are being corrupted or taken advantage of in another way, you should reach out to someone.

A trusted friend or family member first, then law enforcement if necessary.

This can be difficult, especially if the person in question is someone you love. But there’s a solid chance the money you have today will vastly influence the security you hope to have for your future.

This is why it’s essential to act sooner rather than later.

However, having said that, if you’re of a strong-willed temperament and know you can handle the situation effectively yourself, have a stern conversation with the party at fault and put your foot down.

Make the necessary changes to take back control of your own money and your life.

…

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. Consult a professional before making any significant financial or legal decisions.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***