Agree To Disagree

There’s been a lot of rain around here lately but last week the skies temporarily cleared up enough for some time at the park, my daughter and her bestie finally getting the play date that they ask for almost every single day at after school pickup.

Just as predictable as this pleading was their argument approximately twenty minutes after we got there, two headstrong little divas that are increasingly just as likely to be found butting heads as holding hands. I don’t remember the particulars of this disagreement, only the looks I received from my wife and the other girl’s mother after an offhand remark about it being possible that our plan to mold them into life long friends might be going awry.

It’s a look I’m very familiar with, one that suggests that I’ve just said something stupid. The women proceeded to patiently explain to me that it’s precisely because they are able to fight, immediately get over it and move on that proves exactly how good of friends they really are.

Photo by Jeremy Barnes

They were right, or course. I’ve cut many people out of my life over the years, lost touch with others. Some I regret more than others but of my oldest, dearest friends are also those that I’ve had some of my fiercest battles with. All three of the guys in this picture remain as brothers to me but not one of the stupid bastards ever votes the way that I want them to.  One of them is even wearing a Yankees sweatshirt.

Photo by Jeremy Barnes

The reason that they are still my friends, the reason that I recently was able to celebrate my ten year wedding anniversary, has nothing to do with never disagreeing, but rather the way that we disagree.

Anybody that has spent more than ten minutes on social media over the past week, over the past several years actually, has probably at some point been disheartened by what they’ve seen, the seeming complete loss of civility and reasonable discourse between people with opposing viewpoints. Temper tantrums, hurt feelings, name calling and even threats of physical violence. It’s insane.

Over the past few weeks I’ve read blog posts from my buddies at dadtasticvoyage and DIYDaddy about parents arguing in front of their children. I think most reasonable people would agree that it’s never healthy for a child to be exposed to screaming and nastiness, pettiness and vitriol, but I do think that it’s important for them to understand that sometimes people disagree with each other and that’s OK. The example that we set helps to teach them conflict resolution and compromise, an early blueprint for rational debate.

It’s something that a lot of adults seem to have forgotten. Somehow my seven year old and her friend are having more mature arguments than most of the other poopy heads that I know.

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This post was previously published on Thirsty Daddy.

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