There are a couple of significant events during the month of December that mean a lot to me. The first is my birthday and the second is my wedding anniversary.
I have been fortunate over the years to celebrate my birthday in many different ways. I was on a business trip one year and took myself out to birthday dinner and had a great time. There were a couple of surprise birthday parties that my partners were kind enough to plan. I felt very special having so many people celebrate with me.
I have often forgotten my age leading up to my birthday so I took on the habit of telling people I was so many years and a half or so many years and three-quarters. It is something most people think should stop when we become adults, I could not disagree more at 62 years and 338 days.
Another day I enjoy celebrating in December is my wedding anniversary on the 13th. I am grateful every day for the friendship that turned into a love affair. We were legally married in a double ceremony along with my sister and sister-in-law in Seattle on Friday the 13th.
Everything about being married is important to me after not having the right to be married in my previous two relationships. I have access to the same rights, privileges, and benefits as any other married couple.
My birthday and anniversary add a lot of joy to December and it is a month that I look forward to each year with massive anticipation. I love how these events come at the end of what is normally a year of ups and downs and challenges and victories. I can always count on December showing up with these two special celebrations.
This year. I am a bit apprehensive about my birthday in particular. For the first time, I will not experience a birthday conversation with my MOM. I feel lost going into the couple of weeks leading up to my birthday knowing that I will not get a card nor have a talk with MOM.
I will miss her telling me the story of me being born and my first Christmas, so I will reflect on the memories of her telling me the stories.
I have thought about how to prepare for my first birthday without my MOM and these three things came to me as a way of supporting myself.
1. Grief: Let the sadness and feelings of loss have their way with me. Sit with the feelings that will wash over me like ways, some might even bring a smile to my tear drenched cheeks.
2. Gratitude: Remain thankful for every experience and memory that came as a result of celebrating my birthday. Find the things to be thankful for and write out some thank you cards that don’t even need to be sent to be meaningful.
3. Grace: Find the space to be gentle with myself or put myself in situations and experiences with others who might hold a loving and caring space for me. Allow myself to be a human being without the need for doing on my birthday.
How might you celebrate in new ways this year without those you love being present?
What traditions might you continue despite not having those you love around you?
How might you make peace with loss and grief in this month of so many celebrations with family and friends?
With much gratitude…
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock
