How the ‘Money Talk’ Can Bring You Closer Together

In the first spark of a romantic relationship, your heart is fluttering, you’re sweating a little and your brain is floating in the clouds. You’re wondering when that person is going to call you next, when you will be able to see them again, and what it might be like to kiss them. You’re probably not thinking about their credit score or retirement account.

But eventually, your brain will need to come back down to earth and reality will have to set in. Before you decide to cohabitate with someone or marry them you will have to have the ‘money talk’. It’s often beneficial to start talking about money with your significant other well before these critical points in your relationship.

The ‘money talk’ doesn’t have to be uncomfortable or scary. If you start talking about money with your partner in a healthy way you can build trust, intimacy, and cooperation with your partner.

Talking About Money Can Build Trust

In order to build trust with your partner, you’re going to have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. One way that you develop trust with someone is when you see that they have an opportunity to hurt you but they don’t. When you open up about past debt or a low credit score and your partner does not demean or belittle you, then you are building trust.

Trust is also built on honesty that flows from both sides. When you can communicate about something as personal as money and truly mean what you say, then you’re inviting your partner to trust you on a deeper level. When you reveal that you racked up credit card debt a few years ago but you are currently getting it under control, your partner learns that you are capable of being transparent when the truth casts you in a negative light.

If you can have the money talk with your partner and maintain a consistent level of respect on both sides then you are doing it the healthy way. A healthy money talk also relies on honesty from both sides. When you talk to your partner about money the right way then you are building a foundation of trust that will extend to other areas of your relationship.

Talking About Money Can Build Intimacy

When you find yourself letting your walls down and you begin to feel that you can tell your partner anything without fear of judgment then you are building emotional intimacy.

Opening up about how you grew up in poverty, and the utilities were often shut off when you were a child is one way of letting your walls down. Or it could be something less extreme like telling your partner about how you missed all your credit card payments for several months after your mother passed away.

When you practice being comfortable telling your partner past experiences like these you’re building emotional intimacy.

You can also build intellectual intimacy with your partner by talking about money the right way.

A healthy money talk must involve a discussion of your particular money mindset. Some people prefer to save a percentage of their income in a rainy day fund, while others are more free-spirited and choose to spend more of what they earn. Some like to splurge on fancy material things but others want to spend their money on valuable experiences.

When you share your money mindset with your partner and you listen to them share theirs, you are teaching each other how your minds work and you are building intellectual intimacy. When you learn that your partner turned down a corporate job to take a trip around the world then you now know something about their philosophy. You know that a life-changing experience is more important to them than a sense of security.

Talking About Money Can Foster Cooperation

Even if you aren’t living together or married yet having a healthy money talk should address your goals for the future. What if you want to put aside money so that you can one day go back to school or change careers? Your partner may want to improve their credit score so that they may one day buy a house.

When you and your partner share goals with each other you are inviting a sense of accountability. Now that each of you knows what the other is striving for, you can nurture each other on the road to attaining those goals. Furthermore, you each have someone who is holding you accountable and checking up on you along the way.

So a healthy money talk with your partner can set the stage for a healthy sense of cooperation that endures in the later stages of the relationship and spreads to other meaningful areas. Down the road when you are completing a household project or even making a big purchase together you will see that sense of healthy cooperation in place.

Conclusion

You may find it very uncomfortable to broach the subject of money to a romantic partner. This discomfort may be the result of an upbringing where discussions of money were discouraged or at least considered to be impolite. You may also be afraid of being judged for your past financial errors or present issues like a poor credit score. Perhaps your partner seems very private about their affairs and you don’t want to rock the boat with a conversation about money.

To avoid a nasty surprise after the wedding day or even finding yourself in a committed relationship plagued by constant misunderstandings and disagreements, it’s best to have a healthy money talk well before you reach that point.

If you maintain a healthy level of respect, you can hear about past mistakes without judging the other person and you encourage honesty from both sides, then you have begun a healthy conversation about money with your partner.

A healthy money talk with your significant other can build trust, intimacy, and a sense of cooperation. Imagine opening up about your dream to go to law school or open up your own restaurant and your partner being your biggest cheerleader. Imagine living with someone who you can trust and who understands you both emotionally and intellectually.

Talking about money the right way with your partner can be the start of your journey together in a true partnership. Now isn’t that something worth striving for?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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