Accept Kindness

In the Greek proverb: Kindness begets kindness. There can never be enough kindness in the world. In the bigger picture, we offer kindness to others. When they don’t accept kindness, is kindness present? Just asking.

A tree falls in the forest and there is no one around to hear it. Does it make a sound?

According to science: No. The falling tree in the forest transmits signal waves that propagate through the air. When someone’s ears receive that signal, that generates sound. If both transmitter and receiver are present, then sound occurs. The principles of transmission theory. If there’s no one in the forest to hear the tree fall, then it doesn’t make a sound. That’s science. More specifically, transmission theory.

If we give kindness to others and they don’t receive our kindness, rather they don’t know how to accept kindness, then there is no kindness. When kindness is accepted, is received, kindness is present. That’s just science. Rather, that’s just life.

For many years, accepting kindness and receiving compliments was so unnatural for me. I trained to accept kindness. I practiced kindness for myself. As a little boy growing up, Dad scared me to my very soul. Whatever I did, whatever I didn’t do made him so angry at me. I wasn’t good enough for him. I wasn’t good enough to be loved. I didn’t deserve kindness. That was my predictable future. Thus, I spent most of my adulthood proving that I was worthy of kindness, worthy of being loved.

Over 30 years ago, the late Mizukami Sensei taught me Aikido and what it is to be a good man. Sensei was Old School 2nd generation Japanese American, Nisei. Whatever Sensei said, I did my best to listen and do. I failed far more than I succeeded. Yet, for the first time in my life, I was free to fail and learn from my failure. I was free to be me.

Sensei said, “Just train.” I didn’t have to get somewhere or be someone else. He said, “You don’t have to do it (Aikido technique) like me. Make it work.” He generated the space to invent the greater-than versions of me. That was possible in Sensei’s profound kindness, his unconditional love. He saw the greater-than versions that I didn’t yet distinguish. I accepted Sensei’s kindness. I opened to the possibility of kindness in life.

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Now, I train with Ishibashi Sensei. The late Mizukami Sensei taught Sensei and me: “Take a glancing blow if you have to. It’s one time.” Ishibashi Sensei teaches me to open up my body, to release my fear within. I enter the attack. I’m in the center of it. I get under the attack, get under what I fear. That’s the safest place to be. I choose who I am, what I do.

I choose whether to let the attack pass or to end it. I apply the Aikido technique to myself. It’s me against me. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” The attacker chooses whether to take the fall or to stand down. In budo, traditional martial arts, that’s kindness. That’s mercy. Kindness is a choice. I choose whether to give kindness. The attacker chooses whether to accept kindness. That distinction extends far beyond the Dojo, as well.

In my own trials and tribulations, I learned to love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. Bestowing kindness for myself begets kindness. When I can accept kindness from me, I can accept kindness from others. Just saying.

In the bigger picture, we give kindness to ourselves. When we are kind to ourselves, we can accept the kindness of others. In that, the world becomes a kinder place. Amen.