12 Childish Behaviors That Ruin Relationships

As a child caregiver and educator, I know firsthand the behavior tactics kids will pull to try to get their way. Many times, crying and screaming are the first picks. When that doesn’t work they usually resort to throwing a fit or running off in anger. Because I deal with kids, I fully expect these types of reactions when they don’t get their way. Kids are still learning to manage their emotions with their expectations of others. As an adult, it’s my responsibility to keep calm while helping them figure out the balance. I would never hold a kid at fault for, well, acting like a kid.

However, adults looking to be in healthy, fulfilling relationships should know how to act. They should never be old enough, chronologically speaking, to date and still act like a child. Unfortunately, there are many in relationships, married ones included, who don’t know how to act their age. When it comes to dating, no one wants to parent their significant other. A healthy relationship includes two mature adults who communicate properly and put the other’s needs above their own.

These are 12 bad habits ruining relationships that need to stop immediately:

1. Pouting

Have you ever seen a grown person pout? I’m talking about bottom lip poking out, head bowed, and arms crossed. If you have you might agree with me when I say it’s one of the most unattractive sites to be seen. Pouting is a surefire way to break down lines of communication and close yourself off to the ability to problem-solve like an adult. You create an atmosphere of unhappiness within your relationship. Instead of pouting learn ways to properly express your feelings of displeasure, anger, and frustration that don’t involve dramatic displays of emotion.

2. Complaining

There’s nothing more annoying than somebody who complains. Complaining puts a wedge between you and your partner and can ultimately end in a breakup or divorce. Complaining is not an effective strategy for getting what you want. When you complain it can make it difficult for your partner to understand what you’re upset about. There may be an underlying reason why you’re complaining. It’s important to figure that out to maintain stability and happiness in your relationship. Instead of complaining, try properly expressing the problem that you’re upset about, rather than reacting negatively.

3. Shutting Down

Intentionally shutting down causes emotional harm to your partner. This is also known as stonewalling. This is a dangerous and abusive tactic that distances you and your partner and pushes them away. You shouldn’t shut your partner out just because you’re not getting your way. Wanting to resolve conflict should be your first reaction. Build a better connection with your partner by talking through your emotions and issues.

4. Laziness

It’s natural to become comfortable and content in your relationship, but that doesn’t make it acceptable to stop putting in work. Laziness is frustrating and will I push your partner away from you. You need to constantly work on your relationship otherwise it’s bound to break. Every relationship needs to change with time especially if you plan on getting or staying serious with them. Laziness shows your partner you don’t care or are giving up. Next time you feel like lazing around remind yourself to continue doing those little things that made your partner fall for you in the first place. That will keep the love alive.

5. Ungratefulness

An attitude of ungratefulness kills relationships. Refusing to acknowledge the positive contributions your significant other makes in the relationship will break down the bonds of love you have tried to build. Showing ungratefulness causes you to miss out on opportunities to positively connect and grow with your other half. Feeling ungrateful could be a sign of a deeper issue within yourself. You should model the behavior that you want your partner to display towards you. Try showing more appreciation for them by not taking them and what they do for you for granted. You can do this by expressing your thankfulness with commendation and love.

6. Throwing Fits

Temper tantrums are for children. You have the power to properly stop and resolve conflict in your relationship instead of acting out. Having a strong reaction to something your partner does is natural. However, behaving extremely is not merited. When you feel a volatile emotion, instead of screaming and acting reactively, check yourself first. Try taking a time out to calm down before continuing the conversation. Maybe it’s too hard for you to keep the discussion going if you are not feeling balanced emotionally. Acknowledge that and walk away if necessary. Kindness and restraint can go a long way to preserving your relationship.

7. Yelling

Yelling is damaging, especially when it’s accompanied by negative remarks such as criticism or belittling comments. This habit induces fear and activates a sense of danger in your partner. Yelling creates an onerous environment and puts unnecessary strain on your relationship. A pattern of yelling is destructive to your love life and is a form of abuse. Shouting should never be considered a normal form of communication. When you feel the urge to yell at your significant other, remember talking to them in a normal and calm manner makes it easier for them to want to hear out what you’re trying to say.

8. Storming Off

Another form of stonewalling, storming off is just a dramatic display of running away from conflict to win the conversation. It’s not fair to your partner and can leave them feeling abandoned. While your partner may be showing signs of wanting to resolve the fight you are having, your action of storming off can cause them to want to give up. It may be a part of your natural response because you have trouble properly expressing that you’re overwhelmingly disappointed. If your partner has gone too far and this is deeply affecting you be willing to tell them you need to step out to calm down. Don’t end on a bad note.

9. Being Unreasonable Or Unwilling To Compromise

There should always be a want for you to please your significant other in one way or another. This often involves compromising for them. This should be something you want to do, reasonably so of course. There are some compromises you should not have to make. However, being unreasonable in compromising in any way is not okay at all. Being flexible and prioritizing the needs of the relationship is for the better and will keep things moving in a positive direction.

10. Not Apologizing

There are reasons to not apologize, especially things concerning you as a person. The main reason you should be apologizing is for something you did to hurt your mate. Your apology should also be sincere and genuine. Apologizing should bring peace and comfort to your partner. You should never apologize just to avoid or get out of a fight. Empty apologies have no merit and will only make your sincere apologies look unauthentic. Instead of using an apology as a catch-all solution to any problem that arises remember that apologizing should only be used to take responsibility for a hurtful behavior you have displayed.

11. Whining

Whining is a completely childish display of displeasure for not getting your way. Whining has a sense of entitlement behind it and shows your partner that you on some level resent them or their requests. The real reason you’re whining should be verbally expressed in an adult manner. If you are disappointed in or angry with your partner instead of whining try to tell them what you need. Maybe it’s more unconditional love and affection or possibly you’re not happy with them in some way or unhappy with their actions. Talk to them about this. Don’t whine like a little child.

12. Sulking

Sulking is a form of manipulation. When you don’t get your way you may find yourself displaying this immature need for control. You are only punishing your partner and damaging your relationship with them. Unwarranted silence and one-worded replies destroy the contentment of the other person. Although a non-aggressive behavior it’s an immature, attention-seeking tactic used to monopolize all of their attention. It only makes them feel helpless and useless. When you have the urge to sulk remind yourself to openly communicate with your significant other. This will go a long way in not making them feel miserable.

Be aware of the behaviors you display that cause distress in your relationship. Repeating these patterns of childish conduct breaks down the purpose of an equal partnership. Say what you want without trying to dominate and control your partner or the situation. You will foster an atmosphere of love and support when you stop trying to be the boss.

Talk to your partner, it’s as simple as that.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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