In the parenting world, sometimes we make up things to get angry about. Whether It’s a song that parents are offended by or imagined horrors somewhere on the dark web, the parenting community loves the outrage. The most recent one is about the movie Turning Red, a Disney flick about an Asian-American family where the women turn into red pandas. Basically, it’s a reimaged Teen Wolf Scenario. However, there is a brief scene where it is acknowledged that the teenage daughter has a period. And this is enough to send the parents into a tizzy and the world of parenting writers salivate at something easy to write about.
Why there shouldn’t be any debate about Turning Red
If you’re a father, then you are probably aware that women have periods. And if you’re a father of teenagers, you’ve dealt with them one way or another with your daughters and sons. And if you avoid the topic, why? Seriously, someone has to explain this to me.
Why are we skittish about teaching our children basic biology? We tell them why their hair grows. We answer questions about why their eyes are brown. Why should we be any more skittish to tell our children about periods? Boys or girls, it doesn’t matter. This is basic Human 101 stuff here.
The fact that there is a whole section of parents that are screaming that their children are exposed to “adult content” in a children’s movie because it mentions that someone has a period is legit one of the dumbest things I’ve come across. And that’s saying something as I spend time in the dad advice world where we are told some amazingly stupid things. Acknowledging that our wives and daughters have periods is not adult content.
If it makes these people feel any better, I’ve decided to wrap all of this in a man’s metaphor. Your car engine may at times experience mensuration and so you must check your oil gaskets. Think of them as almost a tampon. At some point in your car’s life, these menstruations are going to be heavy and cause a lot of stomach aches. Other times, they could be light, and the tampons are doing a good job. But whatever is the case, please check up on the cars in your life to see if they need aspirin and maybe some chocolate.
There, is that better? Does that help our insecurities? Probably not, but at least I tried.
Now let’s get to the teenage rebellion part. In the movie, the protagonist goes to a concert against her parent’s wishes. First off, are the people that are mad about this forget what they did as a teen? But more importantly, let’s name some other popular movies that dealt with teen rebellion that everyone seemed ok with. How to Train Your Dragon, Brave, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, etc. I could legit do this all day.
Teen rebellion is a normal part of growing up and should be expected. I realize that I am the authority figure in my kid’s lives. And as much as I want them to do what I say, I also want them to push back. I can be over bearing at times and they need to test their limits in a safe environment. Because one day, whether at a job or in life, they are going to have to push back on authority. They are going to have to take a stand on something. So, let’s practice now with dad. I can take it. I expect it. I welcome it.
The other side of the stupid coin
And yet others are taking this as an opportunity to talk about periods and behavior with our kids. Honestly, I don’t know why these two things go together but here we are. No, this is not an opportunity to talk about these things because no opportunity needs to exist. Talking about how a body works should be part of your normal conversations and teaching moments as a parent. To think that we need encouragement to do so or a way to break the ice speaks more to the problem of the parent and not of the child. Talking about either shouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable, and if it does, you need to seriously get over yourself.
Like the sub title suggests, there are not two sides of the argument here. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is the ability to come to you with a question without fear or hesitation. It’s something that they will NEED time and time again as they grow. When my father died, I knew that I had lost that person I could go to with a question. No matter what that question was or how stupid it would be. I always knew that he would answer it or give me solid advice. This is the gift that he gave me and what I hope I’m giving my kids.
And that means telling your kids when they are young about how their body works now and how it will work in the future. This is legitimately one of the easiest conversations we will have with our kids.
School shootings, systemic racism, toxic behaviors, drug use, the effects of alcohol, and how the laces should always be out on a field goal attempt-these are the hard conversations. These are the ones that keep us up at night because on many of these we don’t have an answer to. Me going to the store and buying pads for my wife is an easy conversation.
It goes like this:
“Hey, I got you pads today at the store,” I say.
“Thanks, honey,” my wife says.
“What are pads,” says my 9-year-old son.
“Mom needs them for her period,” I say.
“Ok,” he says.
“Women’s uterus shed each month when they are not pregnant and there is bleeding. This helps that.”
And there you go. That’s the “opportunity”. Then if he didn’t know, I’ll explain the process in more detail. But this is the normal part of life.
Look, there is a lot to get worked up over in the parenting world. Just go to a school board meeting and you’ll be left with enough dumbfounded rage that you’ll wonder how some people ever manage to procreate in the first place. Getting upset at a move that mentions a biological function and cliché teenage rebellion is not where we should be spending our energy.
So, go see the movie, it’s great. Ignore social media screaming about its pros and cons on how we should raise our children. There’s a lot more out there that deserves our attention, and this isn’t one of them. If you want to get mad, go see Human Centipede and how bad they get the science in that one.
—
Shutterstock image
