Gay Man Confronted by Ex-Wife. “I Hear You Have a Rainbow Sticker on Your Car” [Video]

My name is Frank Zahn and I’m from Washington DC.

The time is 1998. I’m living in California  and it’s about 18 months after my marriage

of five years to a woman came to a close. Now in  California, this is a place where at the time you

needed to be separated for 12 months prior to  the divorce being final. So I spent some time

getting to know myself a little  better. Doing some introspection.

Now the marriage didn’t end as a result of me  being gay. There were other factors as to why the

marriage ended. However, this is something that I  wanted to explore. I had an idea that I was gay,

but I didn’t really know what that meant, how  I was going to evolve and who I wanted to be.

So one small thing that I did  was I put a small rainbow stripe

on the back of my car. That was something  that was, at the time, that was something

in the Bay area where if somebody saw that,  they might give a little honk or a little nod.

And it was nice to know that you were  part of a community and you weren’t alone.

So after having the sticker on  my car for about three months,

I wanted to start figuring out how I was  going to start with relating my journey

to my friends and the people close  to me. Well, I didn’t have much of an

opportunity to think about it because out of  the blue, I received a call from my ex wife.

I could tell that she was a little tense.

So when I asked her how things were going,  before I could even finish my sentence,

she said, “I hear you have a rainbow sticker  on your car. Can you explain what that means?”

Now as I started to talk, she unleashed.She  was upset not knowing – I had not told her.

She was also upset and wanted to  know whether I was faithful to her.

Now, keep in mind. It’s 1998 in the Bay  area and the aids crisis is still very,

very active. It’s understandable that there  would be a concern if… if I was, you know,

fooling around. I assured her that I was faithful  to her during the marriage and it was something

that I did not start exploring until after – well  after – we got through the divorce proceedings.

And then I explained to her my journey, how – what  I’d gone on in my life. And then she finally said,

after a long pause, she said, “All I  ever wanted is for you to be happy.”

I responded, “I want the same for you.”

She said, “Well, are you happy with the journey  that you’ve been on and where you’re at now?” And

I said yes with a sigh of relief, because I was  finally having this conversation with my ex-wife.

She said, “Good. Then we’re on the same page and  we can move on.” And that’s what we did. She was

the first woman I loved. So she was important to  me and it was important that she understood who I

had become. That was… that was the  big hurdle that I had to overcome.

So today I’m happily married to my  husband of two and a half years right now.

And I’m able to live comfortably as myself,  not just when I’m talking to people that I need

on the streets in New York City, but also at work.

Very, very easy to live my truth that way, and I  feel very comfortable with it, so I’m very happy.

So when I look back and think about it,  I started just by like dipping my toe in

with a small sticker stripe on the back of my  car of a rainbow. To today, I have a rainbow

flag right behind me here. And that is something  that I am not shy to talk about to anybody.

You do have friends, family, loved ones, extended  family that are all ultimately here for you. And

sometimes those hurdles may  not be the biggest hurdles

as long as you’ve spent time on  yourself to understand yourself better.