Five Things Good Men Do Differently in a Relationship

“Oh no! It happened again!”

Jamie Maguire thought to himself. His new relationship only lasted about 3 months. It’s the shortest of all the relationships he had ever been in even though none of them lasted beyond six months.

The failure of this last one intensified and worsened his feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. He had always been feeling like a failure and a loser in the dating department and it often gets worst with each failure in the attempt to enjoy a great and satisfying relationship.

But the thing is, he had been going about everything wrongly by trying too hard to reinvent the wheel in high hopes of achieving success hence, the reason why he has been failing terribly and even wasting a considerable amount of time trying.

If only he had done the contrary: stealing and trying to recreate the success of those who’ve already achieved what he wanted to achieve, enjoying a great and satisfying romantic relationship would have been more feasible for him.

Because the truth is, it takes a good man to stand a chance to form lasting relationships with women based on mutual respect, honesty, and dignity. Hence, you’ll be saving yourself a decade or so of trial and error if you try to walk in the footsteps of a good man.

So, here’s what a good man always does differently in a relationship compared to the majority of men:

1. A good man always expresses himself

A good man is well aware of the downsides of being a doormat in a relationship.

He knows that nothing beats knowing and holding onto one’s value and worth in a relationship.

He knows that the only true ways to intentionally rock the boat of a relationship are by shying away from saying no when he doesn’t agree with something, by conforming to everything that goes against his core beliefs, and by shying away from diplomatic confrontations when his partner strikes a hurtful cord.

Insecure and not-so-good men, on the other hand, simply assume that they’re saving or doing their relationships a favor by giving up their opinions, shying away from confrontations, and degrading their own worth and values.

Some of the most common fears good men don’t have in common with you know, the bad ones, are fears like fear of being on the wrong side which make the other men change or abandon their opinions for that of their partners, fear of being judged as weak, dramatic, or whatever that stop the other men from expressing their feelings, and fear of arguments that make the other men shy away from speaking up when their partners do something hurtful.

And that’s primarily because they know that they don’t have to trade their self-worth and values for peace to reign in their relationships.

Hence, they seamlessly hold on to their self-worth and values as they confidently express themselves always.

Because like earlier hinted, the best way to ruin a relationship for them, is by bottling up and shying away from expressing themselves.

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2. A good man takes responsibility for his mistakes

Because they are not ashamed or afraid of taking responsibility for their actions or faults, good men have an easy time building a relationship based on trust and dependability.

Hence, they don’t shy away from apologizing sincerely and effectively whenever they unintentionally or otherwise hurt their partners.

And they don’t indulge in blame games.

Instead, they’re courageous and vulnerable enough to own and take responsibility for their words, actions, and inactions.

That’s because they understand that as humans, they’re bound to make mistakes that would hurt other people’s feelings, betray their trust, and even cause them pain. Hence, they consider it worthwhile to be human enough not to be ashamed or too proud to take responsibility and offer apologies that communicate genuine empathy, remorse, regrets, as well as promises to learn from their mistakes.

I know so many people who dread taking responsibility for their mistakes either because they’re so obsessed with being right and always come across as strong and powerful so taking responsibility and apologizing ruins everything for them since it seems to them like they’d be perceived as weaklings for doing so.

Or because taking responsibility and apologies frequently feel like an admission of inadequacy to them — it makes them feel like something is fundamentally flawed about them or that they’re flat-out terrible persons.

Or even worse, because offering an apology first after conflicts often feel like shouldering all the guilt and responsibilities for the fight, relieving their partners of their own parts and responsibilities.

But a good man knows deep down that none of the above reasons are true about taking responsibility and apologizing.

Because they know that it’s nothing but an admission that one has made a mistake and is willing to make amends. Besides, It also allows the other party to take responsibility for their part in the conflict or argument.

Hence, shying away from stepping up to own responsibility for your mistakes doesn’t only make you a terrible man but also makes your relationships everything other than healthy, happy, and satisfying.

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3. When a good man loves a woman, he does so for who she is

A woman’s looks, body, status, and achievements, as we all know, are among the most appreciated qualities a lot of men are drawn to.

Yet, a good man knows better than focusing only on that as he wholeheartedly loves and respects the woman in his life for who she really is.

In essence, a good man simply doesn’t idolize, minimize, and dehumanize a woman based on her looks or something else.

He instead loves her personality, sensibility, and her existence as he works towards achieving a real and deep connection with her.

For her, his actions speak more than words as he showers her with his love and affection consistently by listening to her, telling her if she does something wrong, being honest with her, and even going as far as feeling her pain.

That’s because he knows she’s an amazing soul that deserves to be loved for who she is instead of being loved for other things that might fade away or something like that someday.

Because the truth is, when you learn to love a woman for who she is instead of her beauty, achievements, or something else, you become less likely to be a failure in the women or dating department.

4. A good man knows how to address problems straightforwardly

A good man might have countlessly heard of the stereotypical belief that 99% of women are more dramatic than the top 1% of dramatic males and that women are emotionally weak and even shameless.

But he’ll never in any way ignore, dismiss, or turn a blind eye to his woman’s subdued attempt to address and solve issues she considers disturbing.

Because he knows that one might not stand a chance in hell of enjoying less complicated relationships if he endlessly fails to address problems straightforwardly.

Yet, a lot of men simply resort to dismissing their partners’ feelings, complaints, and worries concerning their behaviors or relationships because they think the women just love to make big deals out of irrelevant nothings.

And the problem is that turning a blind eye always to the things your partner tells you are bothering her because you think they aren’t big deals will only result in her making even bigger deals out of them to force you to address the issue. And this might in the process breed unnecessary arguments and dramas in your relationship.

The worst part is that ignoring such kinds of issues also means ignoring her and no one likes being ignored. Hence, If something is important enough for her to bring it up, then it’s important, whether you think it is or not.

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5. A good man respects your boundaries and privacy

One thing I’ve come to notice is that any woman who’s in a relationship with a good man is less likely to be unhappy in the relationship and in her life generally.

Why? Think about it. When do you believe it’s easier to be truly happy, satisfied, and less stressed in a relationship?

Well, in my opinion, having a partner that’s wise enough to welcome, accept, listen, and is even happy to respect your boundaries and differences will make the chances higher.

While a good man isn’t perfect and might have his own fair share of jealousy, insecurities, and the need to get his partner acceptive of what he wants, does, and will do, he doesn’t believe in a conditional love that exists only when his partner always say ‘yes’ and is in compliance with whatever he wants, says, or do, irrespective of how his actions and inactions affect his partner.

Because he believes that if someone doesn’t love him enough to accept and respect his boundaries, differences, choices, etc, he’s better off without that person. Hence, he doesn’t see any need to subject his partner to treatments he wouldn’t want for himself.

What’s more, he also knows how saddening it’ll be to have a manipulative partner that’ll coerce one into believing that he should normalize enduring and accommodating their lousy behaviors, that he has to give up his needs for theirs, and that he has to do their biddings even when he doesn’t want to.

So he’ll always refuse to be that energy-depleting partner whose second nature is trampling all over his partner’s personal boundaries but instead will choose to always make his partner’s life easier and happier by respecting her boundaries and even privacy.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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