The stories you tell shape the emotions you feel.
Emotions can’t distinguish truth from fiction. You feel real fear watching a horror movie. Novels produce sadness, anger, compassion, and joy.
Infuriated
Years ago, my email signature included an Edward de Bono quote: “Those who think they know, don’t.” A director took it personally. He told himself I wrote it specifically for him.
He confronted me. I explained that the quote was on all my emails. We went around the conversation three times before he let it go.
Stories produce real feelings.
We cling to the emotions our fantasies create.
The Mirror
The fantasies we tell about others are about us. We might blame others for our negative feelings, even when our own stories create them.
5 Ways to Rewrite Negative Stories
- Own your interpretation. “I saw what Bill did and told myself he was arrogant.”
- Open your heart to hear another’s story. A negative story closes your heart.
- Audit friction. “What narratives are we telling ourselves that fuel conflict?”
- Default to the best. Choose positive interpretations until proven otherwise.
- Clarify early. Don’t let imagination ferment. Ask questions early.
Be the architect of your perspective, not the victim of your fantasies.
Power tip: Create and explore alternative interpretations.
How might leaders avoid the destructive baggage attached to the stories we tell ourselves?
How to Translate Hot Emotions into Positive Action
From Emotional Triggers to Values-Based Leadership
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Previously Published on leadershipfreak with Creative Commons License
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Photo credit: unsplash
I found this article thought-provoking because it reminded me how easily the stories we tell ourselves about other people’s intentions can shape our emotions and decisions. It was a good reminder to question my assumptions, stay curious, and seek understanding before jumping to conclusions.