Have Grace

About 15 years ago, along with fellow black belts from my Dojo, I attended Aikido seminars at other Dojos. As Yudansha (black belt), I represented the late Mizukami Sensei. Sensei asked me to attend those seminars. I would have preferred just training at my Dojo with Sensei. After all, he taught me what I needed to know. Still, it was good to see how others trained in Aikido.

Before attending Aikido seminars, Mizukami Sensei reminded, “Do what the Sensei does. Don’t do what I do.” Sensei was the humblest man I knew on Planet Earth. I followed his instructions.

Over the years I attended dozens of Aikido seminars throughout Southern California. Typically, the seminars were over the weekend. Some seminars were good, some not so much. Just saying.

In my experience, Aikido seminars were more demonstrations of the skill of the uke, the one taking falls for the Sensei, rather than the effectiveness of the technique. Invariably, the Aikido techniques lacked awase, the matching up of the attack. That Sensei looked strong, but that was more the effect of the uke’s skilled falls. Again, just saying.

Those Aikido seminar techniques were not going to work against a bigger, stronger attacker. I thought those techniques were utter bullshit. They weren’t going to work on the street in a real attack. Still, beholding Mizukami’s instructions, I bit my tongue. I put my head down. I just trained. I did the Aikido techniques as demonstrated. Nothing more. Nothing less. I did what the Sensei did. I did what that Dojo did. Often, that wasn’t much fun.

When I returned on Sunday for morning practice following the seminar, Sensei asked, “So Jon, what did you learn?”

I complained, “Sensei, none of those techniques are going to work in a real fight!” I spewed my diatribe on what made the techniques useless.

Sensei smiled. He talked me down from the ledge of my righteousness. He said, “Show me.” I showed Sensei morote-tori kokyunage (breath throw from a two-handed grab). Sensei grabbed my arm with both of his hands. I told Sensei that you can’t throw the attacker the way that Sensei instructed.

Again, Sensei smiled. He told me to drop my elbow and get under his center. I moved Sensei using my center (ki). I could now throw moving my body, moving my feet. Sensei made the technique work.

Sensei never said that Aikido technique sucked. He never made another Sensei wrong. Mizukami was a Man of Grace. Sensei was about making it work, not about being right, making others wrong. Sensei said over and over again in Aikido practice, “Make it work.” 

In the bigger picture, I give up being right and don’t make others wrong. I just train. I work on myself, not on others. The late Mizukami Sensei taught me to have grace. I practice grace over, and over, and over, and over again. That applies beyond the Dojo, as well. Just saying.

Someone canceled a planned dinner celebration to go do what they wanted to do. I practiced grace. I gave up being right that I’m not good enough. I didn’t make anyone wrong, including me. People will do what makes them happy; do what they want to do. That’s just life.

In the bigger picture, I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else. I do have a say in what goes on inside me. I work on myself, not on others. I let go of I’m not good enough. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I let go.

Choosing to be right and making others wrong is always way easier to do. Especially when things don’t go my way. Yet, the world isn’t all about me. I grow up. I have humility. I have grace. I just train.

Aikido Founder Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” I shall always be my GOAT (Greatest of All-Time) opponent. I work on myself, not on others. I give up being right and don’t make others wrong. Nothing’s personal. I have grace. Amen. Amen.