5 Signs You’re Not Ready for a Relationship

Being single and wanting a relationship is normal. We’re hardwired to love and be loved. We’re social creatures. We don’t realize that many of us shouldn’t be in relationships. We wonder why each relationship we enter burns down and leaves us more broken, and we need to do some self-reflection before putting ourselves back on, ‘the market.’

I’m tough sometimes, but I’m speaking from experience. More toxic, abusive relationships than I care to recall. I cycled through bad relationships because I couldn’t help myself. I had self-esteem issues, so I was susceptible to unhealthy relationships…Actually, I invited them in! I had to work on myself before inviting another into my life.

It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to say I’m not ready yet. It’s okay to say I have to do some work on, ‘ME’ before I put myself out there. All of this is Coolio and admirable if you can recognize it, say it, and DO it!

1.You CHOSE The Broken

“Why can’t I just find a wonderful person to date?” Someone told me my ‘PICKER’ is broken. I constantly ‘PICK’ the incorrect person; hence the relationship failed.

Since I used to cure people, I liked dating broken women. I also wanted to date non-committal ladies. I take that back; they’d commit, just not with me.

Before dating, we must correct our selection criteria. Most people require counseling here. It’s brave to seek it out! Therapists can help us understand why you’re seeking out trouble.

You can date. If you desire a long-term relationship, you may need to work on several things. Relationships are hard enough, but they’re far more challenging if we’re not ready to date.

2. Love Addiction

Addiction is called “a sickness of more” because drugs and narcotics never fill the gap. Love frequently does this. You might have this issue if you weren’t happy while someone loved you. You’ll never fill up like a bucket with holes.

We want them to adore us more because we don’t feel good enough. It can make us argue or seek love elsewhere. I often have to tell peeps I work with who have been emotionally defrauded that their significant other will never be satisfied with the amount of affection they receive, and they need to work on that. It’s not me, it’s you, and it might be you this time.

3. Wanting Somebody That Needs Fixed

Listen. Well, I see. For a very long time, dating another person was the only thing I could think would put me back together again. Since I couldn’t bring myself to like myself, it followed that if other people found me attractive, I must be loveable. You may be able to relate to the fact that I believed finding “the one” would solve all of my problems with sadness, anxiety, and addiction.

When we bring someone into a relationship with the expectation that they will solve our problems, we are being extremely self-centered. That is not part of their duties. Seeking professional help from a therapist is the appropriate action to take if you feel broken and want to be repaired. I learned how to love and accept myself without expecting anyone else to make things right. When you stop looking for someone to save you, you open up to a new world of healthy relationships.

4. NEEDING To Be A Fixer

Now that we’ve established the need to have a savior in mind let’s speak about how to locate one. Many of us have an uncanny knack for finding other damaged people to relate to. This is done because we crave the company of those who rely on us. We want to care for them if they can’t do so for themselves. We hope to be the person who rescues them from their despair or trauma. People are being brainwashed into developing this kind of codependency through media like movies and TV.

Have doubts? The next time you watch a romantic movie or TV show, pay attention to how often the first kiss occurs after one character reveals how shattered they are.

We are setting ourselves up for disappointment by actively seeking out damaged individuals. Everything is fine at first, but we find ourselves at each other’s throats before long. Do they need to be more preoccupied with their projects? The worst thing is that when we cannot remedy problems, we begin to criticize ourselves and feel like failures. In the same way that we need to figure out our own issues around why we’re attracted to these people, they often require therapy before entering into a romantic partnership.

It’s all about you…TAKE THIS IN…It cannot be about them if it’s not about you.

5. It’s A Selfish Endeavor

We’re selfish when dating. We always consider what others will do for us. Rarely do we consider their needs

Can they love us enough?

Can they care for us?

Because of this unpleasant discovery, sometimes, single is the way to go. We don’t want to blame ourselves, but I’ve seen this happen to others. We want the other person to be available but also go when we need space. Fair?

You’re ready for a relationship when you ask what you can give rather than take. I don’t mean codependently. In relationships, giving is often self-serving. Giving for love, attention, or praise is selfish.

Let Me Sum It Up Short And Sweet Style

My final advice for those serious about finding love is this: when we spend time with the wrong person, we risk never meeting the right one.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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