Can You Still Find “The One” Without Dating Apps?

Imagine today’s modern dating without dating apps, will it get better or worse?

Depends on who you ask.

If you ask the old generation who don’t believe it in one bit, they’ll think you’re crazy. Who wants to talk for hours with a stranger and maintain that relationship for at least a couple of weeks before you meet them?

Sounds like a waste of time.

However, if you ask young people nowadays, they wouldn’t mind spending time on Apps that give them little to no results.

But what if dating apps are gone tomorrow, can you still find the right partner?

Let’s talk about just that today.

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The true definition of “the one” no one talks about

One of the main reasons why people couldn’t find “the one” is simply because they have the wrong definition of it in the first place.

Social media influence them so much that they don’t know what’s true for them anymore.

Recently I’ve seen more hashtags such as #staytoxic on TikTok/Instagram followed by “If my man doesn’t do this, then I don’t want it” comment.

It’s like there’s this exact rule of how someone should treat you and there’s no such thing as compromise.

But a relationship isn’t black and white.

It’s actually more complicated than you think. Everyone who’s in one would agree that it could be the hardest thing you can do in life.

So, just basing your standards on what you’ve seen other people do isn’t only emotionally destructive but also makes you believe that relationship is supposed to be easy.

I still think being clear with your own definition of “the one” will help you in making better decisions. Let’s also remind each other here that we aren’t perfect either.

We can make add more and more to the list of what kind of person we want but we also need to be ready to make hard changes.

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The Pros and Cons of online dating

Let’s summarize it real quickly of what’s the Pros and Cons when it comes to online dating:

Pros:

You can meet people anywhere in the world — just one click away
This arrangement works great for introverts who’re bad at having first conversations in person
You can “pick and choose” because you have more options

Cons:

Too many mind games that do nothing but waste your time
You find it hard to trust the person you just met online because of a lack of information on their background
With many options comes a problem — it’s harder to commit to one person and find someone who’ll do the same

Just like anything else, online dating also has some consequences. Although nowadays people like to only highlight the bad, I still believe some people out there still find it useful.

I’m saying this because I met my partner online and have some friends that are the same.

You wanna know the truth though? There are no “real secrets” on how to find the one online.

That’s why I cringe so badly when dating gurus tell people to use this trick or that trick — just to get the guy’s attention.

Sure, there are some obvious “rules” such as; knowing your values, learning how to stand up for yourself when being ghosted and etc.

But luck plays a huge role too in making your online dating successful.

It’s also a combination of the right place and time. Because you might meet someone great but you aren’t ready for a committed relationship.

The point is, you don’t need to stress yourself out wondering why you haven’t met “the one” yet. Because you don’t necessarily have control over it.

Sick of online dating? Meet people offline

With the rise of dating apps, people become very awkward at the idea of meeting people offline. Some of them will act so cool on Tinder/Bumble but in real life, they don’t even have a conversation with you.

Don’t be that person.

Don’t let yourself believe that online dating is the only help you need that you forget to open your heart offline.

Here are some ideas you can try right away:

Attend a group meetup. It doesn’t have to be something big. I like following travel photographers on my Instagram and often, they’ll have a meetup in a downtown park just to hang out with people.
Be more initiative in public and when you get a chance, start a conversation with them.
This sounds basic but it always works; pick a hobby and do it regularly. One of my guy friends signed up for a climbing activity at a gym and has made new friends that way.

When it comes to meeting people offline, it’s also important to lower your expectations.

You also don’t need to add more pressure by talking to people who are only potential partners. Friendships are as good as relationships — some are even better.

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So, can you still find “the one” without using dating Apps?

My answer would be “Yes, you still can”.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to your willingness to put yourself out there and wear your heart on your sleeve. Too many people are afraid to just open up and express their feelings.

But a true connection is made when you can be vulnerable and let someone else in.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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