7 Traits Women Over 40 Desperately Want in a Man

If you’re forty and haven’t had any life issues, rock your life’s boat; count yourself lucky because you’re unique.

Many of us are hurling baggage around. If we aren’t scarred from the blunt of divorce, we’re probably raising kids alone. If we haven’t been cracked by our chaotic childhoods, we’ve been broken by toxic friendsships. Oh, how we’ve lost a lot at the altar of love.

And yet some of us still believe in love. But this only means that what we want now differs greatly from what we wanted at 20.

Deciding to share your life with someone when you’re over forty is a whole different ball game.

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Don’t be a person who holds on to grudges.

My friend’s husband has held onto a grudge for the last 14 years. I mean, a whopping 14 years of latching on to “what you did to me.”

If you decide to forgive someone, you need to let it go. There’s nothing as terrible as living with someone who continually takes you on a guilt trip.

You either forgive or you don’t.

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Don’t be someone who cares more about what others think than you care about what we think.

If I unintentionally embarrass myself in front of people, I still want you to be true to me.

Why do you care what others think? Who goes home with you? Who warms your sheets at night?

Me or the random strangers whose opinion you care more about than protecting my feelings?

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Don’t invalidate our feelings all the time.

I get it. Sometimes we take things too far. We exaggerate events and other people’s reactions. And we need a reality check from time to time. We need someone who can pull us from the rabbit hole.

That said, if you’re someone who constantly invalidates us, there’s a big problem.

When you invalidate a person for too long, they start to gaslight themselves and often end up not being authentic to themselves. You don’t want to be the catalyst for that.

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We want you to have a life outside of us.

We get it. Love is companionship, but please, give us some space. We want you to have an aspect of life that doesn’t involve us. There’s something beautiful that comes out of personal freedom.

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We want you to be “headed somewhere.”’

I’m a mother to a sixteen-year-old son. I’d be mortified if he ended up like so many men I see nowadays. That’s why I do the hard job of molding him into the type of man I’d want my daughter to end up with.

He mops the house, does dishes and laundry, cleans his bedroom, and folds his clothes. If, at 16, I’m still doing all this for him, then we have a huge problem.

If a man can’t take care of himself while young and single, he becomes a burden for the woman he marries.

But you’ll be surprised how many full-grown adults can’t care for themselves. They live in messy houses, don’t bathe often, and are completely content with sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing with their lives. They have zero

A mature woman wants a man with drive, ambition, and motivation. She’s on a mission to move her life forward and needs you to get with the program.

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Know the things that truly matter in life.

I would never date someone who treats others like crap. It doesn’t matter if he looks like he dropped from the moon. Nah.

Kindness is sooo overrated. I’m unaware of any other trait that speaks so much about someone’s personality, like the ability to be kind.

Especially because life is so fragile, I’ve seen money and power go to people’s heads and ruin them.

I’ve also seen people’s self-built pedestals crumble. And one thing remains clear: We have no control over what and where we will be tomorrow. We can work hard and pray, but God holds all the cards.

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We want you to love our kids.

As I said before, anyone above the age of forty probably has kids from a previous marriage. And this dynamic throws a curveball in so many relationships.

I have seen marriages crumble because stepdad didn’t like the kids, was indifferent, or downright jealous of them. I’ve seen men who seem to think that a woman’s kids are taking them away from him. The scramble for a woman’s attention is real, y’all.

Here’s the thing, though, you want us to love you, right?

Then, bro, you have to find a way to love our kids. I don’t care how you do it. If you love the cow, you gotta love the calf. There are no two ways.

Treat our children with kindness.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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