Don’t Be Blindsided by a Divorce

Divorce is just the most awful thing in the world.

John Denver

It happened again. Jim called me in a panic. He found me on Google. He told me his wife wants a divorce.

He had no idea it was coming. He didn’t think things were that bad. He doesn’t know what to do now. Can I help?

After talking for a bit longer, Jim admitted that he wasn’t surprised his wife was unhappy. He just didn’t know how unhappy.

He wasn’t thrilled with how little time they spent together. They hadn’t been intimate in over six months. But he just thought it was a phase. They both worked stressful jobs and activities for their three kids kept them running.

Many of their friends’ lives were similar and none of them were getting divorced. So why was it happening to them?

Unfortunately, it may just be a matter of time.

Every time I get a call from a man like Jim, I’m reminded of the infamous words of Scarlett O’Hara—“I’ll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.”

Jim, and maybe you, knew things weren’t what they should be. He wanted things to be better. But the conversations he had with his wife never seemed to get anywhere.

He was doing his best. Even though he knew it wasn’t enough. But divorce?

That seems so drastic. So final.

And that’s what happens when you put off taking action. When you push things off until “tomorrow”. Until you finally run out of tomorrows.

I get it.

You’re doing your best to give your wife what wants. But you don’t fully understand what that is. So you fall back to doing what’s comfortable.

You’re a good guy who works hard for his family. You love your wife and kids. And marriage is hard, isn’t it?

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Truthfully, it doesn’t have to be. But it does require the same amount of effort and intention as your career. Just as you learned to master the skills for your job, you can do the same for your marriage.

You don’t have to settle in your marriage. But the choice of it being better or ending is up to you. But don’t put it off until “tomorrow”.

—

Previously Published on The Hero Husband Project and is republished on Medium.

From The Good Men Project on Medium

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