Black Masculinity, Black Insecurity

Men in general have serious problems with masculinity and sexuality. The problems are so deeply rooted in societal culture it might not be fixable. However, if many address this issues of toxic masculinity, misogyny, homophobia, and most of all, insecurity, society and communities will get better.

African American men especially need to address this issue because we need not emulate learned conduct that is not necessarily part of your ancient history.

Homophobia is poisonous

The latest cultural manifestation of this issue occurred over the weekend with NBA basketball star, Myles Turner. The NBA, the National Basketball Association, is currently holding its Summer League in Las Vegas and other cities where the new players and rookies get their first taste of the NBA. The Indiana Pacers were playing the Washington Wizards. Myles Turner is a veteran center for the Indiana Pacers and like many other Pacers players he came out to Vegas to support the rookies and new Pacers players and tryouts.

Turner was in street clothes and was seated on the Pacers bench next to other Pacers players. He was wearing a white shirt, pink khaki slacks, black leather shoes and had a scarf around his neck. I saw him during the game and barely noticed him. Most people didn’t notice him but some people, mostly some toxic males on social media, took big notice.

They used images of Turner to posted about Turner on social media and began a homophobic thread full or familiar tropes. The original post (by Basketball World) led to comments about Turner’s sexuality and his dress which was described as “women’s clothes” and someone’s “auntie’s” clothes. This is what men deal with from the moment we are conscious we are men. Are you a certain kind of man? Are you heteronormative? Heterosexual? Are you soft? It is all day, everyday, a drumbeat of meaningless chatter that is a big part of why the world is run by misogynists and patriarchs who are as insecure and a window without glass.

Toxic Masculinity is reckless

Growing up, I heard talk like this all the time. If you demonstrated any deviation from the model expected of men, you were also attacked verbally and maybe physically. If so, you would have to prove your membership in Club MALE. And for me, it was Black Male. One thing was certain about the club too: how you dressed mattered and your willingness to be violent and destructive was also essential. It was how you proved your masculinity.

Years ago, I wore a pink shirt on occasion to court with red ties because I liked the colors. More than once, I was asked by male friends — what’s up?

“What’s up?” I asked.

“The pink shirt?”

“Is it wrinkled?” I asked. “I did use starch.”

It was a silly exchange. It was mostly rooted in insecurity.

When I saw the thread about Turner, I could not resist. I wanted to see what they were implying. I had to bait them to show themselves even more.

Here’s the exchange:

As you can see, the implication is that Turner is gay and that is a thing to make fun of on social media (I assure you, the entire thread is full of comments about Turner being “gay”). I did get many “likes” and “loves” which is pleasing. But, anyone on the thread who supported Turner’s right to dress any way he wanted, also got negative attention from the posters.

Change can come

In April 2022, Brianna Patt asks a necessary and timely question in an article she wrote in the Dallas Weekly on the question of masculinity:

“The expectations for Black men can carry a hefty weight, having a detrimental effect on not just them, but those they love. What is the measure of this pressure, and how can we lessen the burden for us all?”

As for homophobia, Michelle Monari writes that, “Black scholars have found that homophobia in the Black community stems from a psycho-cultural fear of sexuality as a response to the history of exploitation of black sexuality during slavery by their white masters.”

It is tough life to live as an African American man in an oppressed society where each day is a new struggle to live with dignity and freedom. Yet, we have to accept the challenge just as much as we accept the challenge to believe in God (or not believe), raise our children in a relationship or not inn one, or not allow the criminal justice system to suck us into it.

The thread I was a part of is no surprise to me. I know it. It is the soundtrack of Black life in America for Black men. I am probably older than many of the posters in the thread and I understand their insecurity and also how they got fed that nonsense day by day by day since they were boys.

All I can do as a man and human being is to say each morning when I wake is that today I will not be homophobic, misogynistic, or patriarchal. I will not hate. One day at a time, one moment at a time, I must try to make this happen.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:

Escape the Act Like a Man Box

What We Talk About When We Talk About Men

Why I Don’t Want to Talk About Race

The First Myth of the Patriarchy: The Acorn on the Pillow

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Photo credit: Olu Famule on Unsplash