Getting stuck in the “What ifs” and “Should haves” of life is easy. Most of us are regularly evaluating our actions and how we got to where we are.
Even if where we are is great, there are always decisions we’ve made that make us wonder what could have been if we had chosen a different path.
But getting lost too often in thoughts of what could have been can keep us from seeing and appreciating what’s right in front of us. And it can have detrimental consequences on current relationships and future happiness.
Who Gets Haunted By ‘What Could Have Been’ Thoughts?
Who? All of us. Feeling regret is a universal experience.
A common misconception about regrets, however, is that people who dwell on them wish for a better life than the one they are living. While that can be the case, it’s not a given.
Everyone makes mistakes or misses an opportunity or two. And we all have moments in life that we wish we could take back. Regretting things doesn’t mean you aren’t living a good life, but it may mean you’re having difficulty enjoying it.
Those missed opportunities and mistakes can cause a variety of feelings.
- Guilt
- Shame
- Envy
- Anger
- Sadness
And when these feelings become significant they can be hard to get past. Regrets can haunt us and leave us stuck in the past, unable to move forward.
The most common regrets include:
- Not pursuing an education or not taking your education seriously
- Botching a job or not applying yourself
- Not taking a risk when an opportunity presented itself
- Staying in a bad relationship for too long
- Screwing up a good relationship by making bad choices
- Saying something hurtful to a loved one
- Letting fear hold you back from something you really wanted
- Making a poor financial decision
The elements all of these regrets have in common is that they lend themselves to imagining yourself differently than you see yourself now.
Could I have been,
- Richer?
- Further in my career?
- In a job I like better?
- Still with ‘the one that got away’?
The possibilities go on and on, and that rabbit hole can get really deep if you’re not careful.
But no matter what your regrets are, you’re not alone.
What’s Done Is Done – Why You Need To Get Over Thoughts Of What Could Have Been
While learning from our mistakes is essential, being overly focused on what we could have done differently isn’t productive past a certain point. If you’ve used your mistakes to make positive changes, you no longer need to look back.
The feeling of excessive regret not only affects us, but it has a direct effect on our relationships as well. We might feel we’ve failed both ourselves and our loved ones.
These can leave our loved ones feeling,
- Inadequate
- Unwanted
- Guilty
- Helpless
Knowing that you’ve caused these feelings in people you love can compound what you’re already feeling and make things more complicated and harder to put in perspective.
As a result, we’re at risk of losing sight of present and future opportunities. Consequently, our happiness and relationships continue to suffer.
To get past regrets, you have to acknowledge and accept them. Past actions and choices can’t be changed, but your current life and relationship can improve.
The Here, Now, And What’s To Come Is Where To Focus
The best way to focus on the present is to be mindful and aware of your thoughts. When thoughts of regrets or the past come up, take a few moments to recognize them and then let them go. It’s a choice to dwell on them and give them power. Instead, focus on the things within your control, such as your actions and thoughts related to the present.
Another way to focus on the present is to practice gratitude.
When you’re feeling down about the past, try to shift your focus to what you’re grateful for now. This will help you recognize the good in your life and give you something positive to focus on.
Finally, take time daily to set goals and plan for the future. Think about where you want to be in a month, six months, or a year from now. Write down your goals and create a plan for how you can achieve them. Shifting your focus to the future will help keep your mind off any regrets from the past.
By focusing on the present, being mindful of your thoughts, practicing gratitude, and setting future goals, you can put your regrets in the past and move forward. It won’t be easy, but if you stay focused on what’s in front of you, you can progress toward creating the life you want now and in the future.
Tips For Making The Future Bright
So, if you’re a person who likes a step-by-step list, take a look at these tips to get you started on putting regrets in the rearview.
- Start with self-reflection. Take a few minutes to reflect on your past mistakes and how you can learn from them. Acknowledge that these mistakes are part of your journey and what makes you who you are today.
- Make a plan. Write down your present and future goals and figure out how you can achieve them. Break these goals into smaller, more attainable steps and work on them one at a time. These should include ways to better focus on your current relationships as well.
- Take action. Once you’ve identified your goals, take action and make them a reality. No matter how small the step may be, it will bring you closer to achieving your goals.
- Don’t give up. No matter how hard it gets or how far away your goals may seem, don’t give up.
- Don’t regret setbacks. Setbacks can happen, and you may need to start over, but that’s normal and part of the process of change.
By focusing on the present and taking action, you can put regrets behind you and look forward to a bright future.
We all make mistakes, and we all have regrets about things we could have done differently. And as regrettable as some actions may be, none of them make you any less worthy or valuable as a person.
Letting go of regrets and focusing on the present and future allows you to open yourself up to opportunities, growth, success, and happiness right now. The future is much brighter when we learn from our pasts without getting caught up in regretting it.
https://www.guystuffcounseling.com/counseling-men-blog/10-signs-that-you-have-anger-issues
—
This Post is republished on Medium.
—
Photo credit: iStock
