He Was a Gentleman, He Knew It Was a Rebound

The last time I said hello to Rob, he was still working on cruise ships.

He’d already found a new lover, but he knew that it would be short-lived. As he was about to send a follow-up message, I replied:

Just like us — short.

He was a rebound.

We met at the wrong time. But is that even right to say? We make our own choices, and we both knew it wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair.

Rob was from the UK.

My photo manager then was from the UK too. They worked together in previous contracts, by the time I met them they had been working on ships, like, forever.

He was with the Food and Beverage (F&B) department, he had officer status and that meant he had his own cabin.

As a photographer, I also had officer status, like 1/2 a star whatever that meant, and I had passenger privileges like being allowed inside the passenger’s buffet area and the gym.

But I never went to the gym, and would only go to the buffet after formal nights, the only time there were very few passengers around.

I didn’t want to be given that look.

That look which means — why is someone “like you” in the passenger’s area?

I was one of the very few Filipino photographers hired by the cruise line. And while Filipinos make up fifty percent of the crew, many of us work in departments that have no passenger privileges.

There’s racism everywhere and on the ship nobody talks about it but it’s there like a dog’s tail waiting to wag when you least expect it.

But the crew get along or stay within their own turf except when they fall in love or are looking for sex.

Then everyone is fair game. In love and lust, racism doesn’t exist.

And for us, it wasn’t just sex, it could have been love except I was coming out of a bad breakup.

Because Rob was friends with the photo team, he knew my breakup story with Bruce, my ex.

On the ship, news traveled fast and everyone knew who was dating who, who had broken up, and who was having sex.

Ship life.

The breakup

The only saving grace about the contract was my photo manager and his partner, who happened to be the assistant photo manager.

They were very nice. The work schedule was light. There would be days in port when we even had a day off, a rarity on cruise ships. I also got to see Mom in Hong Kong, who flew in with some of my sisters when the ship was there for a night.

The only reason I survived the breakup was because I was on the ship, and there was no time to grieve or be heartbroken. And going home wasn’t an option I was willing to choose just because of a failed romance.

When I called it quits, Bruce my ex-boyfriend worked a few more cruises. He was already seeing someone else when he came aboard. So I decided to date Rob the F&B guy.

Like Bruce, Rob was about my age.

He didn’t like going out to the crew bar, and neither did I. After work, you would find him in his cabin.

On ships, it’s common to find crewmembers sleeping in their partner’s cabin. I had to share my cabin with another photographer. For some reason, I never dated a fellow photographer. It must be because most of them were straight guys.

After a few dates, we decided that I would sleep over.

I liked sleeping beside Rob, I felt safe and I felt love.

But I still had feelings for my ex. Not that I would admit it to Rob, and yet he knew.

A gentleman

Rob was a gentleman. We would always talk after sex. He told me about his life, how he got into working on ships and the things he does when he goes on vacation.

He found it hard to find a partner back home.

Not only is Rob gay, but being on ships means he has to be away for six months at a time. So he’s single unless he meets someone on the ship.

I never asked why he never had a partner on ships, because the cruise line allows partners to work together, and the same rules apply to gay couples.

It could be that Rob is shy, as I was.

On the last cruise that my then-already ex-boyfriend was on, Rob talked to me about why he was setting me free.

He knew that I still had feelings for my ex.

And while he didn’t say it, I finished his sentence by saying,

And it isn’t fair to you.

He was right.

I still had feelings, and I did end up reconciling with my ex-boyfriend on my next contract which even gave me a bigger heartache.

Love lost

Even after my ex-boyfriend disembarked, Rob didn’t try or express any desire for us to be together.

He knew.

He would still drop by the photo lab and would always smile at me whenever we crossed paths in the corridors.

I remember on my last cruise, it’s a custom especially with the photo department to have a leaver’s party.

It’s usually held in the photo lab and Rob was invited by the team. He was friends with everyone.

As the party ended, Rob looked into my eyes and neither one of us had to say anything. We held hands, and soon we found our way to his cabin.

By the time I woke up, he was gone to work, disembarkation for Rob meant the start of the new cruise.

I had to get myself ready to leave because I needed to move out of my cabin, clear my stuff, and report to the crew office.

But as I was about to leave, the phone rang.

It was Rob, he told me he had a little gift on the table.

It was a handwritten note, with a few chocolates that passengers get as a welcome gift.

I said, thank you.

While neither of us said goodbye, we both knew that’s what it was.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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