Sometimes, life feels like a breeze, and you feel like you can handle anything. Other times, even tiny problems seem huge.
What’s the deal?
It’s not really about what’s happening. It’s not about the events that unfold around you or the people surrounding you; it’s about a mental muscle you do possess, but need to exercise—your mental strength.
Mental strength is like a superpower that stops you from getting knocked down by bad thoughts. It helps you stay on track when things get tough, so you can handle whatever life dishes out.
Let’s delve into the core traits that make up a mentally strong individual.
…
They roll with life’s plot twists
Everything in life, from relationships and emotions to circumstances and physical states, is subject to change.
Life is a series of fluctuations and transitions. Recognizing and accepting this impermanence is key to becoming more resilient.
The phrase “roll with life’s plot twists” encapsulates the idea that mental strength involves not just weathering storms but embracing the unpredictability of the storyline. It implies a flexibility of mindset, and an openness to change.
Rather than being caught off guard or resisting the unexpected, you should approach life’s twists as dynamic chapters, each offering an opportunity for growth and learning. This perspective invites a shift from a rigid, expectation-driven approach to a more fluid and adaptive mindset — a mindset that values the process as much as the destination.
This adaptability is a form of resilience that transcends the traditional notion of bouncing back from challenges.
By navigating each chapter with a flexible mindset, you become an active participant in the unfolding narrative of your life instead of being a passive observer. That, in turn, not only enhances your capacity to overcome obstacles but also fosters a sense of empowerment, as you embrace change as an inevitable but enriching part of your journey.
Embrace the uncertainty of life’s plot twists as a chance to rewrite your narrative, turning setbacks into setups for the extraordinary chapters yet to unfold.
“Life’s so unpredictable. You never know when the next high or low will strike you. The trick is just to flow with the tide.” — Zeenat Aman
…
They don’t trust their feelings
Feelings, while real, often cloud your perception of what is actually happening and what you need.
Your feelings are usually rooted in past experiences and emotional tendencies, rather than responses to the here-and-now. Trusting your feelings can be important in many situations, but there are instances where relying solely on them without careful consideration can lead to bad choices and negative consequences.
For example, if you always trusted your feelings blindly, you would:
- Forget about the bills and spend your whole salary on items online in order to feel better.
- Impulsively quit your job after a challenging day at work.
- Overlook red flags and enter an abusive relationship.
- Ignore professional advice from experts in a legal or medical matter.
Emotions, while integral to human experience, are inherently subjective and can be influenced by a myriad of factors. Embracing decisions driven purely by emotion may result in actions that are not aligned with your long-term goals, personal well-being, or the realities of a given situation.
Instead of relying solely on immediate emotional responses, mentally strong people cultivate a level-headed approach and add introspection and critical thinking to the mix. A degree of skepticism doesn’t diminish the importance of emotions; instead, it fosters a more deliberate and measured approach to decision-making.
Honor your feelings without blindly trusting them. Maintain a healthy skepticism towards your emotional responses.
“I don’t trust my inner feelings. Inner feelings come and go.” — Leonard Cohen
…
They are “possibilists”
In his bestseller book, Factfulness, physician and academic Hans Rosling states:
“People often call me an optimist, because I show them the enormous progress they didn’t know about. That makes me angry. I’m not an optimist. That makes me sound naive. I’m a very serious “possibilist”.
Being a possibilist means you view the world through the lens of possibility rather than limitation. Possibilists neither hope nor fear without reason. They constantly resist both the overdramatic and over-positive worldview. When faced with a challenge, a possibilist won’t see it as a roadblock, but rather as a potential turning point.
Mentally strong individuals often embody a possibilist mindset, approaching life with a focus on possibilities rather than dwelling on limitations. Their resilience enables them to confront challenges with an optimistic and solution-oriented outlook. Instead of succumbing to defeat in the face of adversity, mentally strong people actively seek opportunities for growth and positive change.
Instead of being overly optimistic or pessimistic, adopt a balanced approach that acknowledges challenges as turning points and opportunities for growth and learning.
“We all have challenges. You can let them be obstacles or roadblocks, or you can use them.” — Amy Purdy
…
They’re selectively persistent
While perseverance is an admirable trait, mentally strong individuals understand the importance of being selectively persistent.
They can discern when to persist in the face of adversity and when to gracefully let go.
The concept of selective perseverance showcases the dynamic and strategic nature of mental strength. Not every challenge warrants relentless persistence.
There are those times in life when throwing in the towel is actually a pretty smart move. Sometimes, it’s okay to say, “You know what? This isn’t working for me,” and pivot to something that does. It’s important to evaluate every situation objectively and allocate your energy and resources wisely.
Instead of clinging stubbornly to a single course of action, you should be open to adjusting your strategies in response to changing circumstances. By being selectively persistent, you ensure that your decisions are not clouded by ego or fear.
I call it “strategic quitting”.
Strategic quitting is not a sign of weakness, but a calculated acknowledgment that certain battles are not worth the investment of your time and energy.
Let selective perseverance be your compass, guiding you to persist where it matters most, and release where the cost outweighs the benefit.
“Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.” — Melody Beattie
…
They play chess with discomfort
In a game of chess, players make deliberate moves, anticipate their opponent’s strategies, and plan several steps ahead.
Similarly, by playing chess with discomfort, you make deliberate choices about how to approach and handle your negative emotions. It involves a thoughtful consideration of the best way to respond to them without reacting impulsively.
Intentional decision-making, adaptability, and long-term perspective are involved in both processes. Like chess players anticipating their opponent’s moves, when you embrace discomfort, you learn to foresee the ebbs and flows of your emotions. Much like chess’s focus on long-term vision, enduring short-term discomfort contributes to long-term emotional well-being.
Negative emotions are not inherently detrimental but rather essential signals that provide valuable insights into your inner world and external circumstances.
Embrace discomfort as you would a game of chess, recognizing that each move in navigating challenging emotions is an intentional and strategic choice. Keep a long-term vision in mind, as enduring momentary discomfort contributes to lasting emotional well-being.
“We don’t want to suffer. We don’t want to feel discomfort. So the whole time, we’re living our lives in a very comfortable area. There’s no growth in that.” — David Goggins
…
Bottom line
Mental strength is a muscle you possess, but need to exercise. Just like physical muscles, it can be developed through training and practice. If you want to become mentally strong(er), work to build the following habits:
- Roll with life’s plot twists
- Don’t trust your feelings
- Become a possibility
- Be selectively persistent
- View discomfort as a game of chess
…
Thank you for reading! For more relationship advice, tips, and stories you can subscribe to my free newsletter.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
 |
 |
 |
 |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: Almos Bechtold on Unsplash
