What if I told you there was a contributing factor to your dating life that was subconsciously affecting your behavior?
It goes beyond your approach and boils down to a simple word that has changed the current dating market.
No, I won’t string you along with a rambling thought and bait you into reading a whole article to receive a single line item at the end.
I do have to build the context around the idea first.
Modern dating has told us we are all perfect and should wait until the magical fairytale love story comes true.
We are all unique individuals in some sense because our experiences have shaped us into the people we are today, true.
I do have to break some news to everyone: you’re not that special.
I know, dagger to the heart, but I don’t mean that in the sense that you’re worthless.
We are all told that as we develop, we deserve more as we grow.
We don’t have to settle and aim for a lesser standard than we envision.
That frame of thinking has fractured the landscape of the dating market today, and I’ll tell you why.
…
The end of the string
Okay, thanks for listening to my boring intro as I built the anticipation for the big word.
Whether talking about looks, finances, fitness, spirituality, energy, or ambition, society has taught us to avoid average.
The word average has become a curse word in the dating market.
When we hear average, the common phrase that comes to mind is, “Know your worth.”
Apparently, nobody’s worth is within the bounds of operating in the average world.
We hear that operating within the average is a form of losing.
Average is safe, and safe is boring.
Through various forms of media, we are open to seeing what a life outside of the average looks like.
You can have that Instagram model/influencer or the rich middle-aged man, and you don’t have to settle because that person you scrolled past didn’t.
You can have someone ranking in the top 20% of any category, and you don’t have to settle.
Harsh truth
The truth that people are scared to open themselves up to is that they will end up alone in their pursuit of above average.
We are transitioning to a society of people who overvalue the thought of not settling for the average.
The thought has become so prevalent that we legitimately cheer people who classify as independent.
Some people would rather be 100% alone than 50% of an average relationship.
No, I do not mean you should settle for an average dating experience.
Being independent in America is one of the most disadvantaged positions to put yourself in today.
We hear that being alone is better than settling, and it’s not true.
The average person cannot retire alone on their income unless they make upwards of six figures.
The average male weight range is 160–190 pounds, while the average female is 140–170.
The average male is 5’9, and the average female is 5’4.
We have converted the word settle into another evil term.
The word settle does not mean to accept lesser value. It means “to come to an agreement.” It also means “to adopt.”
The word settle infuriates people, but if we looked at the word settle for its meaning, we would see it’s where the gems lay.
When you adopt a new lifestyle, working within the average can produce above-average outcomes in the future.
When you “come to an agreement,” different personality types can come together to form dynamic relationships.
A quick example is a car sale. You won’t pay the sticker price, and the dealer won’t give you more than 10–15% off the car.
When you meet in the middle at 7%, you settle.
Neither party lost. It works the same way in the dating market.
The pivot
My goal is not to tell you that you shouldn’t have preferences for what you want in a partner.
I will give you two pieces of advice that sound simple in sentence form.
- Know why you want it
- Know what you are willing to do to get it.
I tell people they are not special because they don’t get to bring average qualities to the table but demand the dating market produce above-average results.
Read that again.
Playing the game of holding out produces jaded people who blame the market for their lack of success.
It is when you start to hear things like “all men/women suck.”
No, your approach to the dating market is what sucks.
You will always find something wrong.
There are eligible, suitable, good-mannered people out in the dating market.
I quit hearing that there is no one out there. The problem is that good, eligible people are running into people who refuse to settle.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: call me hangry 🇫🇷 on Unsplash
