While mild insecurity is natural from time to time, issues can develop when people try to conceal or overcompensate for their insecurities.
When you think of an insecure person, you may think of someone who is consistently jealous or someone overly concerned about the impressions they make on others. But there are many subtle, hidden signs of insecurity that we all can admit to falling victim to.
What does it mean to feel insecure?
Insecurity is the feeling that you are inadequate or not enough. You may feel insecure if you are overly critical of yourself or if you’re a perfectionist. The different types of insecurity can include: (but are not limited to)
- Relationship insecurity
- Social insecurity
- Body image insecurity
- Job insecurity
- Basic needs insecurity
1. Comparing yourself to others
“Don’t measure yourself using someone else’s ruler”
Comparing yourself to others is an endless cycle of hurt feelings and low self-esteem. Doing so is also an underlying signal of insecurity.
Wishing you were “more like” someone else or wishing you had someone else’s life can leave you vulnerable to all sorts of problems. For example, you’d start second-guessing your choices and it would become extremely hard for you to adjust in times of hardship.
Before I started my weight loss journey, I used to compare myself to all the Instagram models and all the girls with hourglass figures. Instead of this technique being helpful and encouraging, it only led to me feeling dissatisfied with myself and brought my self-esteem down.
Instead of comparing, I chose to focus on my strengths and practice gratitude.
2. Perfectionism
“Perfectionism is the most paralyzing form of self-abuse”
People who often struggle with perfectionism have this underlying belief that if it’s done perfectly, they (and whatever they did) will be “good enough.”
Perfectionism is paralyzing because you spend all your time attempting to live up to an impossible standard.
I can remember plenty of times when my hair was a mess, I was running behind on my errands, the dishes needed cleaning, and the cake I baked did not turn out like my Pinterest photo inspiration. Overwhelming feelings of shame, guilt, and frustration would all arise at once.
Allowing perfectionism to overcome you and your life can lead to you avoiding tasks or “over-doing” everything. One bad day of mess-ups and forgetfulness can lead to piles of problems and undone or imperfect tasks.
Instead, choose to set realistic and SMART goals for yourself and listen to your emotions when they come. Remember perfection does not exist in our imperfect world.
3. Avoiding Vulnerability
“Life isn’t about avoiding the bruises. It’s about collecting the scars to prove we showed up for it”
Struggling with being vulnerable, even around those you trust, is a sign of insecurity.
For me, vulnerability was seen as a negative because the image I had painted in my mind was that vulnerability meant opening yourself up to get hurt. Exposing my true self to others seemed scary and overwhelming.
The reality was, I was not comfortable enough with myself. I now understand that vulnerability (especially in a romantic relationship) is what helps you build deeper connections with others.
To overcome the avoidance, accept the fear without letting it overwhelm you and educate the other person on how to listen to you.
4. Self-Hating
“Being self-critical is good; being self-hating is destructive.”
-Daniel Radcliffe
Are you your biggest hater? Do you consistently have running jokes in your mind about your looks, or your mistakes? We all can admit to beating ourselves up harder than we should.
Continuously beating yourself up over your perceived flaws and mistakes can lead to self-comparing, which can lead to a domino effect of self-esteem issues and social problems.
I learned to have more self-compassion with myself and only give myself constructive criticism versus hating on myself.
Choose to acknowledge your imperfections, be more compassionate with yourself, and practice self-care.
Short Wrap Up
If you feel insecure most of the time, and if it’s getting in the way of you living your day-to-day life, you may have more deeply rooted insecurities that need to be addressed and helped to live your life happily and to the fullest. Never be afraid to seek support when needed.
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Thanks for reading!!! If you’re able, I’d appreciate it if you brought me a coffee.
Disclaimer: I am not a therapist or medical professional. As a Mental Health & Wellness Coach, I am not providing medical, or therapy services or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any physical, mental, or emotional issue.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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