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Eventually, it dawns on all of us, our parents are aging and one day they may need some help from us. Sometimes there is a natural flow whereby this occurs naturally throughout the course of our ever-evolving relationships. General conversations are had of the future, their wants and desires to ensure they will not be a burden “like such and such” was to “their kids.” Maybe a scheduled surgery is the first glimpse into a hospital setting that stirs up the inevitable thoughts for you, that as you age…so do your parents.
Maybe you’ll be one of the few who never has to step in and assist with a ride to the Dr. or a quick call on their behalf about insurance coverage. But what if you’re not?
Do you know the basic steps that can be in place to help both your parents and you in the event an unexpected emergency occurs that has you stepping in (even for a short time) to assist them?
First, simply begin the conversation of aging. Speak to them, not at them. Move out of the general wants and desires to the specific nuts and bolts of where they are in their thoughts about aging. The entire goal here is to create the habit of talking about aging issues. So often I find families simply don’t speak about health and aging as if it’s not the great equalizer we will all experience. We all have very different ideas of what we think it will look like which tends to be the root of all assumptions, misunderstandings as well as conflicts.
The Release of Medical Information Form. Ask them to add your name on this form at their Primary Doctors office and any Specialist they may have. If you ever need to get added information, pick up copies of medical records, discuss prescriptions or prior testing results this must be in place before legally any information can be shared.
Have them create a list and where you can find it. To include their medication, their allergies if any, recent surgeries and exactly what are their diagnosed diseases. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spent hours sifting through papers just to gain a full picture of someone’s health history. It doesn’t have to be complicated, a sheet of paper stuck somewhere safe that you can grab if the need ever arises.
Encourage the use of technology. This step can be delicate depending on their view of technology, privacy, and security. I really do understand this. However, Social Security, Medicare, private insurances, even their doctor’s offices have secured sites that allow access 24/7 for a reason. Ease of access, benefits, and eligibility, ability to process applications, documentation and communication proof to name a few. Life rarely happens Mon-Fri during business call hours. Having these in place at the touch of a finger when needed can move mountains.
Continue the conversation and don’t give up. These aren’t easy topics, it’s easy to fall into the “well they have the POA’s and Wills done” so we should be fine. Not so, when I walk into a first meeting with a family, these are the simple steps that begin to open doors for adult children to do exactly what their parents usually ask of them. A little bit of help for a short bit of time during this unexpected event. If the event turns out to be longer, these still need to be in place. Doing it sooner than later alleviates so much stress and shortens the inevitable red tape.
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