How to Be Successful When People “Don’t Get You”

Success should feel natural. Life should feel natural to you. Because you’re the one living it.

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Not everyone gets me.

All my life, the vast majority of people didn’t get me. They didn’t understand me. They didn’t get my incessant need to understand the inner workings of the human mind. People’s motivations. Their wants. Their needs. Their secret fears.

They didn’t understand my constant questioning. My studying of ancient cultures. Of Eastern Medicine. Of different answers to that age-old question, “Why are we here?”

They didn’t understand my need to write. To express myself. To share what I’ve got with the world. In my own way. In my own voice. As just me.

And I wasn’t stupid. I knew how to play a part, fit a role. I knew that I needed to downplay my passionate bursts and insatiable analyses. I knew exactly who to become to make myself fit in with the crowd.

We all do it, right? In the most subtle ways. Even when we think “we don’t care what people think.” Because of course we do. We all do. That’s human nature.

We downplay our ideas when someone starts disagreeing with us. We hold back our opinions in front of confrontational people. We avoid religion and politics because — well, that’s just smart. We work extra hours to keep advancing in our careers. We hide our emotions when we think they’re irrational.

We are constantly making ourselves “fit in.” Because fitting in means feeling safe. It means being impressive and likable and popular and all of those other words that mean the crowd approves of us.

No one knows that better than me. Hell, I built an entire life doing that. But the truth was always there: I wasn’t being me. Because not everyone gets me.

It’s exhausting. It’s exhausting to act all day. Even when we don’t think we’re acting. We’re trying all the time. And you never have to try to be yourself. If you’re trying, it means you’re being somebody else.

I had the exact life that I wanted. But I was exhausted just holding it together. So one day, I let go. And watched it come crashing to the floor.

I decided to stop trying to please everyone. I decided to go on a crusade to find the people who did get me. My crowd. My tribe. The people who never need me to try. Because they want me. Just me. And me is more than enough.

As I peeled back the layers and let more of myself shine — in business, in love, in life—new people started showing up in my life. People who got me. New friends, a relationship (with someone I already knew, no less), and amazing clients. Clients that never doubted or questioned me. Clients that were willing to pay more money than I ever imagined to work with me or hear me speak.

Because they were the right people.

And the weirdest part of it all is that it’s easy. So ridiculously easy. Sometimes I walk out of client sessions and wonder, “How the heck is that person paying me $500 for just shooting the shit?” But they are. And they do. Because they get me.

Let’s cut the shit. Success isn’t about fancy marketing terms. Not audience segmentation or list-building. Not even thought leadership or branding. Success is really about self-acceptance. That’s all it’s about. Knowing who you are, loving that person, and never being willing to compromise yourself.

It’s about accepting the gifts you were born with. And then sharing them with the world.

Successful people don’t take in any clients, friends, and lovers they can get. They find the ones who get them. The ones who don’t want them to work so hard or try. The ones who want them just the way they are.

Success should feel natural. Life should feel natural to you. Because you’re the one living it.

Why would you try to live someone else’s life when you could already live your own easily?

Not everyone will get you. But the ones who do will make it all worth it.

I just have a feeling.

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This article originally appeared on BostonWellnessCoach.com

Photo credit:Raffi Asdourian/flickr