hi everybody my name is tarik arrow and
00:01
I’m the creator of the everyman project
00:03
I’m Dirk Lemelson I’m a comedian I’m
00:04
Joshua Athena and I’m an independent
00:06
musician I’m Nate LaBelle and I’m a
00:08
writer I’m Clayton vis Ella and I’m a
00:09
cinema and Media Studies student at USC
00:11
my name is Lacroix Maggie’s and I’m a
00:13
podcast so today we are having a
00:15
roundtable discussion about body
00:16
positivity and how relates to sex so a
00:19
you guys ever experienced body shaming
00:21
on dating apps I know a lot of people
00:23
may look at me and they’re like oh you
00:24
know you have a slim figure I don’t have
00:26
that six-pack going so it’s like as soon
00:28
as I get on dating app and you know as
00:30
soon as like a body pictures ask where
00:31
I’m like well I don’t feel comfortable
00:32
sending one once those subjugation zkk
00:34
um you’re just put in a category and
00:36
you’re just made to feel inferior it’s a
00:38
difference between having a preference
00:40
and being racist it’s a very thin line
00:43
it’s not a preference like yes you might
00:45
be conditioned into thinking a certain
00:47
way because of the world in which we
00:48
live but like what you’re saying is
00:50
still an issue all of that stuff ties
00:52
back into misogyny because of gender
00:54
construct and because of this this
00:56
hierarchy on the spectrum you’re more
00:58
towards the women’s side so that
00:59
therefore makes you weaker or that makes
01:01
you like a bottom or that makes like
01:03
there’s so many intersections there I
01:05
find that a lot like guys who are into
01:07
masculine guys say that I’m too feminine
01:09
and guys who are into FEM guys say that
01:11
I’m too masculine I think it’s a matter
01:13
of people projecting their insecurities
01:15
onto you because they may see that you
01:16
have a sense of freedom that you have in
01:18
yourself as they don’t have so have you
01:20
guys ever dealt with body image issues
01:22
if so how is that affected your sex life
01:23
I think a lot of people may have like
01:25
some type of fantasy that they’re trying
01:27
to play out as if I’m like being
01:28
fetishized yeah yeah because when you
01:30
see like a black male a lot of times you
01:32
want them to be the aggressor I’m not
01:35
given that stereotypical you know black
01:37
hood or black whatever a lot of times
01:39
people are left disappointed if you
01:40
weren’t tone if your were darker
01:43
complexion like I’m not like passing at
01:45
all and that really turned me off
01:46
because it was like I have this entire
01:48
sexuality that I have never been able to
01:50
embrace and I’m intimidated by the
01:52
prospect of it but so long I’ve always
01:54
told myself nobody wants to be in a
01:56
relationship with a fat person and I
01:57
believe like nobody will want me for a
01:59
relationship that’s what kept me
02:00
actually on these ass for so long you
02:02
know one of the first questions I’ll ask
02:03
a guy is like if he’s thinner than me
02:05
I’ll be like are you a chaser like I
02:06
need him to like verbally confirm that
02:08
like yes you are attracted to my body
02:10
like I almost fetishize myself because
02:12
I’m just so
02:13
that that person is gonna reject me like
02:15
before I came out God my street friends
02:17
ever say oh yeah like you gotta be like
02:18
hip to be gay like that’s a requirement
02:20
and I didn’t date for a very long time
02:23
like I was really anxious so guys when
02:25
we think about Lady Bears twinks all
02:28
those it sets us up to an expectation
02:30
that we’re gonna fail at all times okay
02:31
well since I am a beer I shouldn’t be a
02:33
beer because nobody wants to bear
02:35
everybody wants a cup so I need to be
02:37
small or if I am a cup I need to get
02:38
bigger because I need to be a beer
02:40
because this is what all of these people
02:41
want all those things that make me who I
02:44
am that are multi-faceted you are just
02:46
slapping just a body label on it and
02:48
it’s like well if you are not in my
02:49
interest range and you’re just going
02:51
away for one I don’t like labels what I
02:53
will say is as a larger man I did find a
02:56
sense of camaraderie in the bear
02:58
community and it was a place where I
02:59
felt accepted at the same time labels
03:02
are very separatist being queer people
03:05
already treat us differently they assume
03:07
certain things about us and then within
03:09
that we’ve been separate ourselves from
03:12
each other what’s the point so how have
03:14
visuals in the media shaped your
03:16
perception of your body the thing that
03:17
drove me to want to pursue a career in
03:20
media was like better representation if
03:22
you don’t see yourself represented in
03:24
media then you feel as though like you
03:26
have been annihilated like you don’t
03:27
exist
03:28
you need your existence validated by
03:30
media that is celebrated in order to
03:32
feel like you matter in the world
03:34
my visual in the media when I was
03:35
growing up it was like really baggy
03:37
clothes it was like hip-hop it was ball
03:39
caps and I grew up playing sports or
03:41
whatever so I was always like being
03:42
athletic all the kids around me were
03:44
striving to be that and if you wanted to
03:46
fit it wanted to be that you wanted to
03:48
look like that and that’s sort of you
03:50
carry that throughout your entire life
03:51
and then you start validating
03:52
stereotypes of you every year like when
03:54
they come out with who’s the most
03:55
attractive person in the world right
03:56
always that cisgender white built man I
04:00
see the magazines on the checkout line
04:01
and it’s just like you’re just always
04:03
being bombarded with these visuals of
04:04
like this is what’s beautiful this is
04:05
what’s attractive and it’s like I don’t
04:07
see that at all when Hollywood does
04:09
include diversity the scope of how we
04:11
look at things at least in the u.s. in
04:13
terms of diversity is oh let’s sprinkle
04:15
in a few black people it doesn’t include
04:17
indigenous people it does include Asian
04:18
people it does include Latin people it
04:20
does include full of different people
04:22
the few black people that they do
04:23
sprinkle in there fairly light skin
04:25
they’re very specific body
04:27
they’re very specific ethno types
04:28
typically straight well this is what’s
04:30
cool and this is what’s sexy where do I
04:32
fit in so what is your favorite part of
04:34
your body guys my legs are my favorite
04:36
item about it yeah I’m actually falling
04:42
in love with my body they used to be my
04:43
legs though it was what attracted guys
04:45
is my liver because they could take a
04:47
beat in superficially speaking maybe my
04:51
arms says everyone’s always like oh my
04:55
gosh I used to play football whatever I
04:57
would say my face and maybe my deck was
05:00
Hodge when it comes to the selling
05:02
points of my body I feel like you know
05:04
the chest goes past the stomach so when
05:06
guys yeah they’re like oh he works out
05:07
I’m still struggling with it it is
05:09
something that I’m working on through
05:10
therapy and I’m finally like just now
05:12
able to say like hey you know what you
05:14
got to keep smile dude so what did we
05:16
wear is this you guys we use the
05:17
describe you body
05:18
I’m so much more than my body so I will
05:21
not be providing three three because I
05:25
am an entire I am an entire being and I
05:28
do not want to subjugate myself to just
05:30
my body for me I would say strong bold
05:33
and brazen God like perfect boat and the
05:38
word be comforting resilient I still
05:40
have function of my body think that’s
05:42
something that maybe some of us can take
05:44
for granted sometimes unapologetic okay
05:46
okay thank you guys so much for tuning
05:48
in so everybody go check out the
05:50
everyman project at V everyman project
05:52
calm and don’t forget to subscribe to
05:55
into more
—
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