Trauma is a really great way to interrupt a life. It has the ability to creep into the smallest recesses of your mind and affect the functioning of even the simplest actions. After trauma, life becomes about coping until healing can begin and resilience is built. That resilience was hard won for me and I still have to work every day at it. The far-reaching effects of trauma recently showed up in a new way for me when I began dating for the first time since my trauma.
As a bit of a shock to me, it wasn’t the trauma but the resilience I had built up that has been the most difficult to navigate. I had learned to manage and function through the depression and anxiety as an individual. It made me stronger and more independent. These feelings are awesome, it turns out, and at first, it felt like I was going to have to relinquish that independence.
Letting him pick up the bill, carry in the heavy groceries, do all the driving and all the other little things that people do to care for a romantic partner felt like an assault. Allowing myself to be taken care of and to relax into that form of trust has been a struggle. Taking the time to navigate and find a balance between feeling confident in my ability to manage stresses and begin to rely on another person again has been important. Trauma forces you to re-learn a lot and dating is part of that. If you are healing from trauma and start to date again- be gentle with yourself and share as much as can with your partner. If you’re dating someone who has opened up that they are healing- listen and be gentle and compassionate, they are trying.
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I totally understand this having had abuse in a home as a child, I then settled down in bricks so most family and friends saw Ms as a traitor, 20 years later split with my partner that was 8 years ago, now met a wander full lady who I helped get out of a very abusive relationship. We’ve realised we’re very cautious with each other. It’s been less than a month now that I can pay her a compliment without being told off and only today I said I was concerned about her walking 2 miles home at midnight, this… Read more »