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This content is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide legal advice.
Divorce is difficult for everyone involved in it. The dissolution of your marriage can give rise to strong passions. You may find yourself in constant conflict with your spouse over everything, from the causes of the divorce to the arrangements to be made after it. If the two of you have children together, there will have to be some settlement about custody, visitation, and child support. For the sake of their well-being and your dignity and sanity, you should do your utmost to avoid an ugly custody battle.
Even if you and your ex do not get along, even if you believe they are being unreasonable in other aspects of the divorce settlement, you should try to maintain moderation and calm when it comes to your children.
Here are some tips on how to avoid an ugly custody battle:
1. Hire A Lawyer
One of the first things you should do when you decide to divorce is to hire a divorce attorney in Columbus OH. It is important to understand and protect your legal rights as a parent. You must also have a firm understanding of the process of divorce if you are to get through it without undue damage to your interests.
You need not limit yourself to speaking to your ex through your lawyer. But you should seek the advice of your lawyer before any discussion with them.
2. Communicate And Negotiate
It will be hard for you to separate the spouse from the parent. You may not care for the person you are about to divorce as a spouse, but they are still a parent of your shared children. There is no getting around that, and you will be better off thinking of them as a parent when it comes to discussing and settling child custody issues.
You should put your anger—however, justified—aside for a moment and communicate with your spouse. Make a good faith effort to negotiate with them before going to family court. Judges tend to favor shared custody unless there is a compelling reason not to. They recognize that children are better off maintaining a relationship with both parents, and so it will be to your advantage if you can go to the court with a child custody plan that you have already negotiated with your ex.
3. Be Active In Your Children’s Lives
You should put the well-being of your children first. Moreover, you should demonstrate that their welfare is your primary concern by being present in their lives. Even if you no longer live in the family home, you should keep up with your kids’ school events and other activities. Be there for sports, plays, and other special occasions. Pick them up from school when you can and be on time when you collect them from your ex. This will help prove to the court that you are a loving and responsible parent. More importantly, it will help maintain the bond between you and your children.
4. Keep The Details Of The Divorce To Yourself
Even young children know when things are not right between their parents. Your older children will suspect right away that your marriage is in trouble. When you decide to divorce, you will have to tell your children about it. Kids respond in different ways to divorce. You should brace yourself for a range of emotions and various attempts to act them out. You should answer all of their questions as honestly and thoroughly as you can. However, you should never share the messy details of your divorce with your kids.
It will be hard, but the best you can do is speak neutrally about your ex to your kids. Trying to curry favor with your kids by turning them against your ex never works. Kids tend to see through this kind of thing. In any case, it can backfire in court. The behavior can be used as evidence that you are trying to alienate your kids from your ex.
5. Do Not Use Custody As Punishment
You should never try to use your kids to get back at your ex. Your spouse may do things to purposefully taunt and infuriate you. It will be tempting for you to use the kids to get revenge. This is a mistake, and it is one that can cost you in the long run.
Do not try to deny your spouse access to their children. The court will order you to restore. Nor should you try to sue for sole custody. This is a futile effort. The only way the court will grant such a request is if you have proof that being with your spouse puts the kids in danger or that their lifestyle makes them an unfit parent. If you don’t have evidence of any of this, the court will grant shared custody.
Any attempt to weaponize your children against your ex will be frowned upon by the court. It may also negatively impact your relationship with your kids.
6. Keep Third-Party Involvement To A Minimum
Divorce means the beginning of a new life for you and your ex. You may already have a relationship with someone new. If it is serious and you intend to live with them long-term, they will have a role to play in the lives of your children. However, you should minimize the role that they play in child custody negotiations. Involving the person you are currently dating in the case will only make it more volatile. It may also damage your partner’s relationship with your kids.
7. Follow All Court Instructions
You should take careful note of all court instructions and follow them to the letter. Your divorce attorney in Columbus OH will ensure that you clearly understand all such instructions. It is hard for some parents to accept a mediating influence in their relationship with their children. But if the court orders you to seek counseling or parenting classes, you should do it. Following such instructions demonstrates your commitment to your children in the eyes of the court.
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This content is brought to you by Brenda Vollman.
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