Sometimes, the men who seem to have it all together are the ones who are suffering the most. Today’s guest John Kim was a licensed therapist and a life coach who was unfulfilled and hating life. A divorce forced him to begin looking inward and start his blog called The Angry Therapist to share his journey from being a boy to becoming a man.
John Kim just published his book, I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck: An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life, in which he shares his “self-help in a shot glass” tips on how to step into manhood and live a life of purpose and passion! Learn about man dates, bedroom mistakes, and why you shouldn’t pee in the shower.
John Kim practices complete authenticity and transparency with his many clients (frowned upon in the clinical world) and continues to look for new and unconventional ways to help people. He created the Catalyst Life Coaching Course, an online life coaching certification program, and recently started a new platform called SHFT, an app that gives people support in their pocket when they need it and the chance to become a life coach themselves. John Kim lives in Los Angeles where he makes videos on his phone, CrossFits, and rides his motorcycle to coffee shops to do sessions.
His parents did the best with what they had. They came to America from Korea with no money. They were always working and living in survival mode. His father wasn’t available emotionally and was an alcoholic. A child of the 80s, pop culture raised John and he found self-worth in skateboarding and breakdancing.
As John became and adult, he realized that all he thought he wanted wasn’t bringing him happiness. When he became a therapist and began working for non-profits, he witnessed the byproducts of dads being absent—physically and emotionally. He thought about his own childhood and how the cycle of dysfunction, codependency, and addiction starts with fatherless homes. He often wondered, what are men missing?
What You’ll Learn
- The difference between responding and reacting
- How being reactive recreates damaging patterns of the past
- How to respond in order to change all your human collisions throughout the day
- How to create emotional space by trying to understand before trying to be understood
- The most toxic sentences for men—be a man, or man up
- Why instead of being a man you should practice being human
- How to give yourself a break when you react negatively
- How to ”re-worth” yourself
- Why men resist the idea of self-care
- Why self care helps you to create a stronger life-container so that you can show up better for everyone else
- How the silliest white lies create hairline cracks of trust in a relationship
- Why you shouldn’t perform in the bedroom
- How porn gives a warped definition of what good sex looks like
- How performing during sex disconnects you and breeds resentment with your partner
- The goal of John Kim’s book
- The best way to teach your kids not to lie
- How to get your kids’ respect by adding an extra layer of vulnerability
- His parting piece of wisdom for dads—look inward
John Kim’s Links
Originally published on The Good Dad Project
Photo courtesy of author