Renee Lute is asking for one thing in regards to the circumcision debate: Respect her and her husband’s choice as parents.
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I’m going to begin with an apology to my unborn son, Simon. I’m not apologizing for circumcising him in a couple of months. I’m apologizing to him for writing this piece, because now the world will know just a little bit about the future state of his penis, and most little boys don’t have to deal with that. Simon, your mommy is a writer, and just like she embarrasses your daddy and your sister, she is going to embarrass you. It’s really for the best that I’m getting you used to it while you’re still en utero.
Circumcision has become a very big deal. It used to be a widely accepted practice in the U.S., and now families are finding themselves with more options. There is more information available. That should be great! In reality, it’s only great for the families who choose not to circumcise. It hasn’t been so great for the families who do choose to circumcise. I read an interesting piece on The Good Men Project recently, called “An Open Letter to the Author of ‘How Circumcision Broke the Internet.‘” The author is not in favor of circumcision, but his arguments are smart. They are as smart, in fact, as the arguments in the Slate article he is writing about: “How Circumcision Broke the Internet.”
Neither of these articles really threw me. I know the arguments against circumcision, and I know the arguments for circumcision. What did surprise me, however, was what I found in the comments section under The Good Men Project article. So far, I’ve been really blessed with sweet commenters on my own pieces, because what I usually write about is my relationship with my husband (love you, honey) and bearing and raising my children (love you, children). I wasn’t prepared for some of the name-calling I found in this section. Terms like “pro-cutters,” “circumcision enthusiasts,” and “mouth breathing Americans who have circumcised their sons with their tired rhetoric and propaganda” were used, and the idea was presented that women who have a formal education are less likely to circumcise their sons.
Now, I have a master’s degree, and I really don’t love name-calling. (Truly, I’m sweating and somewhat nauseated right now just thinking about some of the comments I might receive in my own comments section.) I am not a circumcision enthusiast. In fact, I could not care less whether other people circumcise their sons or not. Do it if you want! Don’t if you don’t want! But I am begging you—begging you—to not make families who choose to circumcise their sons feel like they are abusers of children, or human rights violators.
Why am I going to have my son circumcised? Because his father and I have done our reading. We’ve talked about it, and we’ve made our decision. There are legitimate reasons. Circumcision eliminates the risk of phimosis (in which a foreskin is tight and cannot be fully pulled back, which makes cleaning and passing urine difficult, and increases the risk of penile cancer). This affects 1 in 10 older boys and men. Circumcision reduces the risk of inflammation and infection of the head of the penis and the foreskin, and greatly reduces the risk of urinary tract infections in infants. Uncircumcised men have a 15-60% increased risk of prostate cancer (which affects 1 in 6 men). [1] We are not uneducated about circumcision. We aren’t under the impression that it will be entirely painless (though it is certainly not the scene from Hostel that many anti-circumcision folks would like us to believe). My husband will be with Simon for this very, very quick procedure, and the only reason I won’t be there myself is that I remember clearly what I felt like the day after I gave birth to my daughter. I will still be uncomfortably lying in my hospital bed, willing my vagina to heal. And that’s another thing. One of the aforementioned commenters wrote that anyone who would have their child circumcised should have to experience it themselves, first. Well, my husband has experienced it (and remarkably, he gave me his permission to tell the world just now), and while I have not gone through the completely incomparable horror of female circumcision (I am not going to detail why it’s incomparable here, but I do encourage you to research the differences if you don’t know what they are. You’ll find some information here), I have gone through a vaginal delivery, and with a pretty gruesome amount of tearing. And I’m about to go through the whole thing again, but perhaps with less tearing this time. I hope. My husband and I aren’t unfamiliar with pain, and we are willing to put our child through a moment of discomfort for the benefits this procedure provides. Kind of like we’re willing to put our child through a moment of discomfort for the benefits that vaccinations provide.
This piece is both explanatory and pleading. I am pleading with you. Don’t make these perfectly well intentioned families—like us—feel like monsters because you’ve decided to go a different way with your own sons. We’re doing something different, and that’s okay. We each have our reasons. I don’t care whether you breastfeed or formula feed. I don’t care whether you co-sleep or have your babies in their own cribs, and I don’t care whether you’ve named your child something completely traditional (like Kate) or whether she’ll be answering to Zenith for the rest of her life. I’m asking for the same courtesy.
[1] Morris, Dr. Brian. Circumcision: A guide for parents. 2006-2012. Print.
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Photo: lisarosariophotography / flickr
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Read also, from people strongly against circumcision:
An Open Letter to the Author of ‘How Circumcision Broke the Internet’
Circumcision: Our Bodies, Our Choices Part 2, Men and Their Members
Try respecting your son at least as much as you would respect a dog or cat. “a children’s rights analysis suggests that non-consensual, non-therapeutic circumcision of boys, whatever the circumstances, constitutes a gross violation of their rights, including the right to physical integrity, to freedom of thought and religion and to protection from physical and mental violence. When extreme complications arise, it may violate the right to life. It is reported that male circumcision can result in numerous physical, psychological, and sexual health problems during the surgery, afterwards, and throughout adulthood, including haemorrhage, panic attacks, erectile dysfunction, infection (in severe… Read more »
You should have researched your researchers.
Brian Morris is a pedophile among a network of pro-circ pedophiles who trade stories about children being molested. This has been known for a decade.
Your feelings at being corrected on the subject are irrelevant. Only your son’s feelings matter – at least to us if not to you.
Curious? Would you respect some hindu Fathers decision to force his 12 year old Daughter into a marriage?
In accordance with Hindu law?
He says you can let your daughter marry when she wants and who she wants if you want, but h[e expects the same courtesy from you.
if You wont, then your a hypocrite.
I personally hope your son spits in your face and backhands you as soon as he understands what you’ve done to him.;
Renee Lute, while I appreciate your attempt to write a thoughtful piece defending your decision to circumcise your son, the simple fact is that cutting off your son’s foreskin is not your choice to make, any more than it would be your choice to cut off your daughter’s foreskin (yes, girls have one too) or any other part of a child’s body. You may be a good writer and an intelligent person, but when it comes to the forced circumcision of children you are wrong. The only person who has the right to make a “circum-decision” is the person who… Read more »
It would behoove you, and more importantly your son, to do some further research. The “facts” that you have stated here are just plain wrong. My partner is a family practice doctor, and has stated such. Your resources are poor, as are your choices. No medical organization in the world promotes circumcision. Also, if you look around and wonder why circumcision rates are rapidly falling, it’s because people are becoming educated on the subject, and your so-called facts are being proven wrong. Honestly, I do judge those who choose to perform unnecessary cosmetic surgery on their newborn son’s penis. It’s… Read more »
http://www.myfoxmemphis.com/story/23912521/mother-upset-over-botched-circumcision#ixzz2kAfVdlDq
Baby permanently disfigured over a botched circumcision. Not worth it.
Please please please research again! No medical organization in the world recommends circumcision. Brian Morris is not a credible source. Google Brian Morris and Acorn Society/Gilgal Society! Circumcision actually increases the risk of infection and inflammation because it takes away the protective covering of the penis. Prostate cancer and circumcision are not related at all – please check the American Cancer Society’s website: http://www.cancer.org/cancer/penilecancer/detailedguide/penile-cancer-prevention. And finally, most Europeans are intact (the infant circumcision rate is less than 10%) and phimosis is not a common problem. Plus, phimosis can be treated very successfully with creams, no amputation required.
It is a human rights violation. It’s not your body, and it’s a cosmetic surgery. The “benefits” are not real. We have a high cut rate and a high std rate, high erectile dysfunction, and “15-60% cancer rate”???? Um how does that seem credible to you? The rest of the world doesn’t have issues with their natural penises. What’s more likely? That every other medical organization in the world is lying and covering up the dangers of being intact? Or that the US is lied to in order to perpetuate a money making business and keep the (older) cut majority… Read more »
Beautifully said, thank you!
Respect your decision? This seems to be all about you. What about your son?
It’s very hard to take anyone serious that references Brian Morris. Please research not only the subject here but Brian Morris. He is a disturbing human.
Never use Brian Morris as a source. Research him and you’ll be disgusted by him.
Please don’t use anything from Brian Morris as fact! He is a known circumfetishist. See the end of this video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdGbXdEo93U
This video explains all about circumcision and the statistics are correct in it (unlike the ones provided by Brian Morris).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeAXantm4tE&feature=youtu.be
Wrote this after encountering many of the (rather horrifying) comments on this thread: https://goodmenproject.com/families/parents-trolls-wwh/
In the first half the nineteenth century slavery was legal, it considered to be essential for the economic well-being of the agricultural South, and it was condoned by various passages in the Bible. If the abolitionists enabled slave holders by not confronting this immoral practice, we probably would still have slavery today. Similarly, infant circumcision is condoned in various passages of the Bible, it provides an economic benefit for physicians and hospitals, and it is not currently prosecuted as child abuse even though technically it fits the definition. Like the abolitionists, those who oppose circumcision are not going to enable… Read more »
What you are asking of an intelligent, informed and moral individual is impossible. We cannot refrain from telling you it is a human rights violation, because IN FACT, it is. You are not a monster, but you are misinformed. You are also blinded by cognitive dissonance and a culture that has accepted cruelty against baby boys for far too long. Circumcision by all medical ethics and standards, is NOT an acceptable prophylactic intervention on children. Parents can of course give proxy consent for needful therapeutic procedures aimed at treating a known pathology. That is, if the pathology presents a genuine… Read more »
Furthermore, Morris is not a physician and has never actually done any primary research related to circumcision. Your article is an embarrassment to journalism because it is so biased and poorly researched. When you decide to be circumcised and have your daughter circumcised, then and only then, will you have any understanding of what it entails and the damage it causes. And don’t tell me that female and male circumcision are different. They are not, and if you did your research you would know that. Circumcision causes extreme pain (I performed them in residency) and alters sexual function adversely for… Read more »
This piece is a personal piece, not journalism. So the author isn’t obligated to present a neutral point of view.
However thanks for bringing up a counter-point to Morris this conversation is important.
Brian Morris is your reference?? Really?! He is no expert. He just loves circumcisions. He fabricates data, lies and deceives while quoting his opinion pieces as though they were sacred studies rather than the fiction they are. He is a circumfetishist and fraud. How about doing some real research? Stop trying to rationalize the irrational. Boys are born with foreskins for a reason.
Let’s consider your reasons to circumcise your infant son. Tight foreskin is natural in newborns, infants, and throughout childhood. The foreskin should be left alone and washed on the outside without any forced retraction, not even a little, not even gently. No retraction should be attempted at all. The foreskin opens enough to allow urine to pass through. Ciracumcision can cause meatal stenosis and meatitis which can make it difficult for a child to pass urine. The rare case of true phimosis which occurs in older teens or in adults can be resolved easily with topical steroids. “Topical steroids are… Read more »
One More Knight: had you and your wife been trying to retract your son’s foreskin to clean underneath? The foreskin is self-cleansing and in infancy it is fused to the glans to prevent infections. It gradually begins to separate from the glans over time, and the boy should be the only one who tries to retract his own foreskin. Since retraction is actually a SEXUAL function of the penis, the foreskin usually does not become fully retractable until about age 10, or sometimes even in late adolescence. Even in the case of TRUE phimosis (which should not be diagnosed until… Read more »
Renee, I don’t want you to feel like a monster, but like a mother. Being a parent is tough, and sometimes you have to make hard decisions. Sometimes you have to. You seem to be making decisions for Simon not because you have to, but because you’re scared of what might happen to him if you don’t eliminate the risks you’ve identified (real or not). My own son is now six and he is circumcised. He had phimosis and his mother and I had to make the hard decision to deal with that. It was a tough time, and it’s… Read more »
I am sorry if you feel you have been bashed for your decision. I am against parent-bashing for any reason, but I think that every parent needs to be FULLY informed on this topic. I would urge you to further your research on this matter, and try to take a look at what the rest of the world is doing. If you go to virtually any other country that is not predominantly Muslim or Jewish, you will find that male circumcision is unheard of, yet you don’t see 1 in 10 men suffering from painful phimosis or UTIs that need… Read more »
What is in the best interest of the child? It is in the best interest of the child 1) to become educated and aware of what the foreskin is and what its functions involve before cutting it off, 2) to consider the stereotypes and why they exist before cutting the foreskin off, 3) to consider if any men circumcised in infancy have been harmed by the procedure since the newborn could possibly become one of these men in the future, and 4) to avoid cutting off any body part if other less invasive means to care for that part of… Read more »
International doctors’ organizations condemn the AAP’s 2012 stance on circumcision. It is now more than a year after the anniversary of the AAP’s statement on circumcision. The AAP’s statement was made on August 27, 2012. It is time to learn about the condemnation of the AAP’s statement on infant male circumcision by 38 doctors representing more than 16 international medical associations. This is groundbreaking and historic. Why? When was the last time you have heard of so many doctors and their organizations condemning another doctors’ organization? I am including a reference to the American Academy of Pediatrics own journal which… Read more »
Hi Sandy
Have you ever met a man that blames his parents for not cutting him as an infant? I have never even heard of such a man.
Where I live it is illegal to hit children , capital punishment is illegal, and so is childhood sexual abuse. Parents are NOT allowed to do with a child’s body what they want.
You are grasping for reasons to support your real reason, you and your husband want to justify the wounding that has been done in the past. You are grasping for reasons to support the state of DAD’s penis. What about the most important issue, your kid WILL want all of his penis? Almost no men (even in the misinformed US) decide to cut off penis parts as adults. The parts feel great and are fantastic to have. This OUR DECISION stuff (that does not allow the owner to decide) by people that DON’T HAVE THE PARTS is like a color… Read more »
I feel like in the long run you have made a good decision. If you can prevent cancer or unfortunate medical problems for your child, it’s a good decision. No matter how small the chance, its better to be prepared. Its better than him facing these issues and saying mom why didn’t you do this for me?! As far as I’m concerned female circumcism is completely different, I had a class dedicated to it. It may be his body but she wants to protect his body. Its not really his body or decision until he’s 18 anyway and after that… Read more »
“Its not really his body or decision until he’s 18 anyway ” Yes, this is exactly why parents can tattoo, scar, have surgeries performed on, and any other body part removed from their child as long as the child is under 18, correct? You have no right to your own body before that age, so being raped, abused, or violently attacked won’t be a crime when done to a minor. I’m sure you’d have been ok with any of these things being done to you before age 18, right? “If in the future he’s angry this decision was taken away… Read more »
Hi Sandy
Have you ever met a man that blames his parents for not cutting him as an infant? I have never even heard of such a man.
Where I live it is illegal to hit children , capital punishment is illegal, and so is childhood sexual abuse. Parents are NOT allowed to do with a child’s body what they want.