Matthew Rozsa satirizes one of the most breathtakingly stupid things men do online.
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Every so often a deadline looms and I need a good peg for a story. Since I’m pretty spent with droning endlessly on about super-serious subjects, I figured I should address a somewhat more frivolous – albeit still disturbing – topic.
So let’s talk about the creeps who send unsolicited dick pics.
Personally I never thought I would write that sentence, but over the past few months I keep hearing about men who send these photographs to unsuspecting women on dating websites. These women include my friends and various exes, as well as countless individuals who complain about this online. Hell, I even know a couple of dudes who have been on the receiving end of unsolicited dick pics… and as someone who participated in online dating myself, I am mystified by the practice.
For one thing, I can’t imagine any scenario in which this tactic would work. Sure, if you’re already dating someone or have found a profile by someone who has expressed an interest in that sort of thing, take your snapshots and have fun with it. That said, I doubt there has ever been a woman or gay man who wasn’t interested in someone but – upon seeing a few pixels representing their junk – suddenly proclaimed, “Wow! I can’t believe what I’ve been missing!” Similarly, it baffles me that any man would want to put himself in this position with a complete stranger. I’m not a particularly paranoid type, but it doesn’t take too much creativity to envision how this kind of behavior can backfire on the practitioner.
Having gotten this out of the way, I’d like to offer five quick comebacks for anyone who finds themselves in the unfortunate position of receiving an unsolicited dick pic. Why? Because if you’re going to expose yourself like that (pun intended), then you deserve a few good put-downs!
5. What species of mushroom is that?
A particularly unappealing one, to be sure.
4. Isn’t that cute? An extra belly button!
Courtesy of an old Salt N Pepa song.
3. Why did you send me a picture of your pinky toe?
Because this one is too obvious to pass up.
2. Awwww…. He’s adorable!
The kind of positive reinforcement no man wants.
1. Did Mario already stomp on that goomba?
Because every millennial will get this reference.
That’s really all I have to say on this subject. It may not warrant a particularly long editorial, but this baffling aspect of the human psyche has nagged at me long enough that I needed to get in a few words. Hopefully, if you are one of the men who tends to do this and are reading my article now, I have persuaded you to reconsider the error of your ways. And if you’re a woman who has received an unsolicited dick pic, feel free to use any of my proposed comebacks. The creep harassing you definitely deserves it.
Photo: Flickr – The Shared Experience/”Sexting”
Pretty much, Anthony. I’ve just had such an encounter (which is why I managed to throw a wet blanket over Mathew’s lighthearted essay – which I apologize for). Not so much a “dic-pic”, but a rather creepy, and scary comment to a woman that put up a picture of the collagen lip enhancement on (I guess it is called) her wall? His argument was that she was “asking for it” by flaunting herself and her lips, that if she put that picture up he had a “right” to put up the comment. He actually believed that and saw nothing wrong… Read more »
How many guys who sent unsolicited dick pics had sent solicited dick pics before? Some of those guys might be operating from the it worked once in the past (well because a girl wanted it) and so it should work again. They never realize that it is the want that made it work. Being a computer tech of nearly 30 years I take a much more compassionate approach to this because of the things I’ve seen on peoples computers. Not just stills either, but video. It’s bad enough with strangers, but some are women I know and or worked with.… Read more »
Was focusing on the dic-heads and their dic-picks, Tom, but yes, there is that other side, just as much a head shaker.
Just pointing out how the two instances are essentially alike. Both people give nude pictures of themselves and sometimes someone else to another person who never asked or solicited them. The reaction to then is different though. In the dick pic to the dating site girl, it’s inappropriate. What a jerk the sender is. For the tech who get naughty pictures handed ti him, he becomes an a**hole if he looks at them or keeps them. See how victim and a** change. Is it coincidence that the sender is the a** in the behavior that is overwhelmingly male? Is it… Read more »
A place where men not only have to enjoy such quips, demonstrate the utter stupidity of sending such a picture, but start to hold the men that do accountable. Women speak to deaf ears on this subject, men can gain results. I’ve had the conversation with such boys. They don’t just get it on this subject, but virtually everything about women and relationships to the point that one actually wants to shake them. As obvious as this is, it often takes post after post, point after point, and argument after argument until such time as I have to fire both… Read more »
I’ve always assumed that the internal dialog goes something like “I want to see naked pictures of every woman. I’d be thrilled to get these pictures. The more the better. So it’s reasonable to assume that women want to get naked pictures of me, right? At least that’s what Katy Perry says!”
DJ, in your opinion, is this the kind of lack of awareness that you typically see? I’m just asking, because I can’t fathom it myself. The above is just how I’m guessing these guys think.